It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a crazee... RUN!

Judging from the response to my last post, it appears that my experiences with sour grapes and uber competitive parents are not unique. I'm not sure whether to be reassured or appalled! However, I thought a follow-up post was warranted because although I advocate being happy for others' fortunes, in some cases, I actually think it's justifiable NOT to "rejoice" with another parent.

You know the type - the one who upon 2 seconds of running into you, will bombard you with her child's achievements, anything from winning competitions to something as trivial as giving a smart-ass retort to the teacher. This parent doesn't need an excuse to boast about her child, she just needs a platform. So good luck to you if you are the unwitting recipient. I dread meeting such parents, I usually beat a hasty retreat when I see them coming a mile away. And if I'm cornered, the last thing I want to do is openly congratulate her on her child's achievements because well, I'm afraid her ego might get so big she'll explode.

This is not sour grapes, although I'm sure that parent would not agree! The thing about these parents is that they are so blinded by their adoration for their kids that they truly cannot see how obnoxious they are. And when other parents don't share the same enthusiasm, they'll immediately attribute it to jealousy. It's like those terribly annoying contestants on reality tv shows who when booted out, will often say "oh, it's because I'm a threat" or "they're just jealous". Err... no, it's because you were a pain in the butt.

Added to that, sometimes these parents, when relating their kids' achievements, find some way to put down other kids (explicitly or implicitly). Again, I think it boils down to the culture of ugly competitiveness, that we can't just be good, we have to be better than someone else. It's easy to spot these parents, they're the ones who tend to say things like "My kid was the only one in the class who managed to..." or "Other kids at this age can't do xxx but mine can" or as blunt as "Yours got 92? Mine got 93."

These parents are the ones my friend Adeline aptly calls the "crazees". As she says, you can be generous all you want, but no friendship can work if the other party takes you and your kid as a live benchmark to beat. Or any opportunity to diminish other kids to soothe their own insecurities. These crazees take perverse pleasure in the failure of other kids. I believe in celebrating achievement and we have every right to be proud of our kids. But not if we have to belittle other kids in the process. It really isn't a competition!

Once again, kids internalise their parents' thoughts and behaviours. I've found, consistently, that the kids of crazees can be quite insufferable. They're often extremely kiasu, have an inflated sense of self and the EQ of a walnut... just like their parents. Just yesterday, a friend confided in me that her p3 son, who was top in standard last year, is under a lot of stress because many of his classmates are pitting themselves against him. At the last SA1, he was very upset because a boy who scored higher than him for the English paper actually went up to him and said cockily, “Thanks so much! You just gave me 2 extra hours on the computer.” Apparently his mum had used this boy as the benchmark for rewards! How insensitive is that? MAD.

Much as I grumble, this post is unlikely to change anything. The crazees are as persistent and plentiful as teenage acne. My modus operandi is simple - dodge and duck. And if that fails, I'll just go gripe about them to my real friends.