Shine a light for 2021

Some people believe covid is a punishment from God for all the evil humans have done. But as Lesley-Anne once told me wisely, people often confuse punishment with consequence. If you don't study for an exam and fail it, that's the consequence of your own actions. It's not God punishing you for your laziness.

 

Some Christians believe if we pray hard enough or live a good enough life, we'll have a trouble-free life. That's why they're so quick to judge others when calamity befalls them, as if God is punishing them for not being good enough. This is self-directed faith - it's not biblical. Christians are not spared suffering. Because people are so imperfect, we often suffer the negative conquences of not just our own actions, but also other people's actions. Dishonest and incompetent governments come to mind.

 

What is true, however, is that even amidst trouble and suffering, we can intentionally choose be a blessing to others, in whatever way God has enabled us to - with our gifts, resources and presence. I was just recently reminded that something I wrote long ago (and long forgotten) had made an impact on someone. The clicking of jigsaw pieces in this interconnectedness of life never fails to amaze me - there's a grand plan in God's epic picture, we just have to work on our little pieces and it will all fall into place in time.

 

I pray for 2021 to be brighter than 2020, but regardless, know that light shines brightest in the darkness - and I wish for each of you to be a light to someone this coming year.

 

 

Revealing the beauty of God's creatures in art

This is the latest pet commission I completed. 

 

For some reason, I really struggled with this one. Halfway through and still unable to get the fur to look right (I’d never actually drawn a short-haired dog), I was seriously thinking I might need to issue a refund.After lots of panicky prayers and many hours of reworking later, it miraculously came together and now it’s one of my favourites. 

 

When people see my art, they like to tell me it’s a gift, which makes me a little uncomfortable and here’s why: often, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t have a secret formula or a special technique. Sure, I watch a lot of YouTube videos but it’s not like you can become an artist from watching YouTube. It’s not paint-by-numbers. Every drawing is different with different considerations. Even if they’re similar, I often don’t remember how I achieved a certain effect. So when I tell people I’m not sure if I can draw something, I’m not trying to being modest. I really have no idea if I can.

 

Part of this uncertainty is because I’ve only been drawing for three months (animals for two). Sure, I didn't start from ground zero, but it still sounds pretty improbable, even to me. I wouldn’t blame you if you suspect that I’ve been secretly drawing for years. (I haven’t). So how did I do it? Short answer: It’s not me.

 

When I embarked on this art project to raise funds for charity, I told God I really wanted to do this to benefit others and could he please help me. That’s when I found my skills improving exponentially. When I started drawing animals two months ago, I was just experimenting. I wasn’t even that keen on realism. So many times, I felt hopelessly stuck and asked God for help. Inexplicably, I would find myself trying something that to my amazement, ended up looking great. (Sometimes, I’m so mystified I actually ask my kids to confirm if it looks as good as it does to me).

 

I remember drawing a golden retriever and telling God, “God, I’ve never drawn tongue or teeth, that looks impossible.” I just copied the reference photo as best as I could, stepped back and was shocked to discover that it looked realistic. No one was more excited than I was! I’m convinced God’s hand was guiding mine.

 

After successfully drawing ONE dog and ONE cat, I audaciously decided to offer pet portrait services to fund-raise. That’s pretty reckless, if you think about it – I guess I kinda assumed God would come through for me. “God, I offer my service, you bring the customers, k?”

 

I got my first commission almost right away, from a complete stranger. She didn’t want a cat or a dog. She wanted two rabbits. “God, I’ve never drawn rabbits!” I prayed. “Someone’s paying good money for this. You gotta help me.” Yes, me trying to emotionally blackmail God. And he was gracious enough to acquiesce as the drawing turned out well. 

 

Next commission was a hibiscus. A hibiscus!! I’ve never been good with plants (both artistically and in real life). I sweat a bit over this one, yet it also turned out ok and the customer was so pleased she commissioned another piece. And then another first – a poodle with curly fur. Which also turned out fine.

 

You might think this means I’m very confident. On the contrary, whenever I start a drawing a commissioned piece, I get a little nervous because I really have no idea how it will turn out. In EVERY single drawing, there’s a moment when I think I’ve ruined it. So when it turns out well later, I’m always grateful (and relieved). It’s teaching me how to trust and surrender.

 

Sometimes I watch Youtube videos of fantastic artists who say, “I’ve been painting for 20 years”. I would squirm and think, shouldn’t I need to put in my 20 years? Then last week, I suddenly remembered that the speaker at our 2018 church camp, Pastor Tsukahira from Israel, had spoken about using our gifts for God. I was so inspired then that I had told God I wanted to dedicate my gifts to him (and promptly forgotten). I went back to read my notes, and this was what he said, verbatim: “When God sees you using your gift for Him, it pleases God so much He reaches out and every now and then, touches it with supernatural power. You dedicate yourself to using your gift and find that someone gets touched or inspired by your gift, that you know didn’t come from you. That’s the anointing and the pleasure of heaven.”

 

So this long post is a testimony and explanation of sorts for my art ability. People tell me it’s a gift and I agree, but not in the way they think. It’s a gift not as in a talent, but a present. I’m finding this art journey incredibly fulfilling, and I believe that because I dedicated the gift to God to bless others, he’s blessing me in ways that I cannot fathom. As another famous pastor, Edmund Chan, once said, “You can’t outgive God.”

 

This latest pet portrait is a gentle reminder that it’s not by my strength but his. Incidentally, drawing animals has given me new appreciation of the sheer beauty of God’s creatures. I can see their souls through their eyes, which I try to capture in my drawings. “I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine.” – Psalm 50:11

 

Afternote: The funny thing is I always thought the “gift” I was dedicating would be writing. I never imagined it would be art! 

If you wish to follow my art journey of faith, please go to my new blog and follow me there. You may also commission a pet portrait or buy art pieces to support charitable causes.

Pet Portrait Services

In what has been a daily surprise in my art adventure, I have since discovered that I love drawing animals and they're not half bad (I think lah!) Hence, I have decided to go out on a limb and offer pet portrait services.

I know it sounds somewhat audacious but since I've been asking God to open up channels for me to bless others, things have been developing in such a crazy way and speed. I'm just going with the flow and seeing what happens.

Here are a couple of animal drawings I did in the past few days. 

80% of proceeds go to charity, so here's a great way to have a pic of your pet and support a good cause! If you're interested, please check out details here.

I also write reviews on my new blog, and the latest post is on the difference between $4 and $400 coloured pencils.

 

 

Raising funds for charity through art

My Spain art project received a lot of positive responses among friends on FB. As much as that was fun and gratifying, I felt that to continue just amassing drawings was a little self-indulgent. Not that drawing for yourself is wrong, but I had this urge to do something more with it, if I could.

During this pandemic, people have stepped up. Some serve on the frontline, some volunteer their services, others give blood, etc. I’ve done none of these. All I’ve done is donate to charities but that felt inadequate. Then I had this idea: what if I were to sell my art for charity? That would raise more funds than what I can give as an individual.

So over the past month, I put up 5 lots of drawings for sale, each with a minimum donation sum.  All proceeds went to one of 4 charities, of the buyer's choice:
1) TWC2
2) HealthServe
3) Willing Hearts
4) YWAM

In all, I drew 31 pictures, sold 22 and raised almost $2,600 for charity.

The outcome was way more than I expected. When I first came up with the idea to do this, I was filled with self-doubt. Was I being overly ambitious? How many pictures would I be able to draw in a month? What if they’re crap? What if nobody buys? Or worse, what if people buy only out of pity??
But as I prayed about it, I realised the questions were all wrong because they were focused on me. Surely if I want to help the poor and the marginalised, the focus should be on them. I believe that if the heart is right, God will make all things possible.

So I told God, “Ok, I’ll draw whatever I feel led to, with no targets, no strings attached. You bring the buyers. Let each of the drawings speak to someone special.”

And so I drew. Every day, I would surf the internet looking for photos that inspired me or got me excited about drawing. It sounds odd but my feelings changed daily. Sometimes, I see a nice photo and set it aside, only to feel cold about it the next day. I don’t know why. Many of the drawings were experimental – the Eiffel Tower came about because I was curious if I could pull off the architectural lines and proportions. I played around with different types of paper, style and subjects (animals are hard, gosh).

31 pictures in under a month sounds like a frenetic pace even to me. I can be a tad obsessive (ok a lot) but honestly, it wasn’t like I rushed to churn out as many drawings as possible for the sake of sales. I looked forward to drawing every day, so I just did. And because I only drew what I felt like, it was FUN. Some drawings turned out more successful than others, but you know the strange thing? Some of the drawings I liked didn’t sell, while others that I didn’t think would sell, did. A few buyers told me a specific drawing called out to them which I thought was pretty amazing.

In the beginning, the hardest part about this project was not the work, but parting with the drawings. Especially since I don’t think I can ever replicate some of the drawings, so I did feel a pang letting go of them. I asked God, “Remove my attachment to the drawings and let my heart for the needy be bigger.” And remarkably, he did. Now when I finish a drawing that I think turned out well, I no longer feel the urge to keep it for myself. I’m honestly happy to give it away. (Well, except for one which I loved so much I actually did another so I could keep the original.)

It’s such a cliché to say it’s more blessed to give than to receive, but I really did feel happy every time I sold a drawing and donated to a charity. And the payoff that I hadn’t counted on was that my skills improved. I was most aware of this when redoing a picture I did 2 months ago – I’m more confident about what works and what doesn’t, and shading, which I used to struggle with, comes much more intuitively now.

I'm posting this to record and share the project with blog readers, even though I know hardly anyone comes here now is 😆 Here are some of the drawings I sold:

A season to slow down

The other day, a friend told me he was feeling edgy staying at home and didn’t understand why because he’s been a homebody for years. I understood completely because I felt the same. I’m an introvert, working from home for the last 18 years. I shouldn’t have a problem with the Circuit Breaker. Yet, I was feeling restless.

I’m currently reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer, one of my favourite Christian writers and I’m only just realising how relevant it is to the situation today. The book talks about our addiction to hurry in the modern world. We fill our time with so many activities (much of it mindless), that we have lost our ability to be still. We’re constantly distracted and we’re unable to focus. “All our worst moments are when we’re in a hurry.” 

During this period, many of us have been forced to slow down. We’re spending more time with family, taking time to do stuff that we never time to before—cooking, sewing, exercising, playtime with kids, etc. We’re rediscovering what’s really important in life.

Yet, many friends have told me they can’t wait till things get back to the way they were. Why? If things were so hectic and stressful before, why are we so eager to return to what was before? (btw I’m not referring to those who need to get back to making a living).

I suspect one of the reasons is that we’re being forced to reexamine the values in our lives and the glare of the spotlight unnerves us. It’s easier to return to our mindless busyness because that leaves us no time for uncomfortable reflection. The daily grind—the mad rush from 8.30am to 6pm each day, which makes us too tired to relax on weekends—even though we complain about it, lulls us into believing that our lives have worth because we’re “doing something”.

Busyness is an addiction and like all addictions, even though we know it’s bad for us, it’s hard to shed. It dawned on me that what I was feeling could be withdrawal. Right now, many of my projects are at a standstill, so there’s just a lot of waiting. And waiting makes me antsy because I feel like I’m not doing anything.

Many people are waiting for things to get back to “normal”. We view this pandemic as merely a blip in the earthly timeline. And so, we while away the hours, binge-watching Netflix until it passes.

But what if it’s not a blip? What if it’s in fact, a season? A season is not an anomaly. A season is precious because it has great potential for growth and prepares us for the next. Also, the season that follows need not be the same as the one before. For example, for someone who has a near fatal car crash, therapy is not something to do just to get him back to “normal” because he will never be the same. Scars will remain and some injuries will never heal. Therapy is to strengthen not just his body but his mental and his emotional state, to prepare him for a different sort of life to come.

Churches have been forced to take unprecedented measures like live streaming of services and Zoom CG meetings. However, I feel too many of them view this as a temporary stop-gap measure, to be discarded once the pandemic ends. Why? Why can’t this be a rehearsal of what’s possible in the future instead—that technology can help connect with others previously unreached? It should hammer home the message that the church was never about the building in the first place, but the people.

Instead of hankering for things to return to the way it was, perhaps we should view this as a season of opportunity, and therefore shouldn’t be wasted. An opportunity to reevaluate our values. An opportunity to connect, to make time for conversations—with family, with friends, with others, with God. Connecting sometimes means just enjoying being in someone’s presence and not doing anything. That’s what Jesus called “abiding”. It’s the joy of an unhurried life.

And maybe when Covid-19 is over, we can say that this is how we want to live life. This is the new normal.

University acceptance for Andre

Last week, Andre received an offer to pursue his undergrad studies at SIT.

This was pretty momentous for him. If you've ollowed my (now defunct) blog, you would know that academics is not in Andre's DNA. His two favourite periods in primary school were recess and PE. This continued all the way to poly, where he aced his practical modules and bombed the theory ones. If he's ever held hostage for information, all the kidnappers have to do is threaten to make him write an essay. He will cave.

In his final semester, he poured his energy into his internship at Changi Airport. Despite the crazy shift hours, the irregular meals and covid-19 scare, his enthusiasm bubbled over. He loved the work so much he told me this was what he wanted to do as a career.

The snag was that he discovered the career path and pay of poly grads were significantly limited compared to those of degree holders. It's an antiquated system but an unfortunate reality of working in SG. So I advised him to look at uni courses.

But what? Reading the synopses of programmes in NUS, NTU and SMU bored him to tears. He declared rather dramatically, "I will DIE there. Three years of HELL." So we prayed. God, show the way to something he will enjoy and not expire from boredom.

Then one day in the car, Kenneth heard an ad about a pop-up Open House for SIT at Suntec City. Coincidentally, it was on a Saturday when Andre wasn't working (which was rare). We went down to take a look and the very first person I ran into was an ex-colleague from SMU whom I hadn't seen in more than a decade. When she heard that Andre was looking at the Hospitality programme, she replied, "oh, I'm in charge of that! Let me know if you have any questions at all."

The Hospitality programme appears to be tailor-made for Andre. It's heavily practicum-oriented, with two 6-month long work attachments, and Andre will likely get advanced standing for some of the theory modules as he's already taken them in poly. Later at the Admissions booth, Andre struck up a conversation with a current undergrad and they got along so well that the student started surreptitiously sharing tips on what to do at the interview.

We were there only about an hour or so, but Andre told me with all certainty that this was the degree he wanted to pursue. All the doors seemed to open in this direction, so he applied. And in faith, he decided not to even apply to other universities as back up.

He got called up for an interview and due to covid-19, it wasn't a face-to-face but an automated video interview, which doesn't play to his strengths as he's best when interacting with people. Clearly it didn't matter anyway, since he eventually got the offer ☺️

I often call Andre a big sparrow because he lives a carefree life and doesn't worry too much about tomorrow, which has in the past, given me many moments of angst. Yet looking back, I see that God has always provided for him. Grateful for the blessings and for the timely reminder. Hence this post of thanksgiving.


"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" - Matt 6:26

A decade of growth

Seems like the done thing to take stock of the past decade, and why not. 2020 has such a symmetrical ring to it.

My business grew. I went from having 2 writers to 14.

My kids grew. In 2010, Lesley-Anne had just started secondary school and Andre was in p4. They will be graduating from university and polytechnic respectively this year.

I grew. I became a published author (15 books!), even gathering some awards along the way. If you’d told me this in 2010, I would have spat out my coffee.

Most importantly, my faith grew. I’ve been a Christian for a long time, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have doubts and questions. In 2010, my business was fulfilling but since its primary objective was to pay the bills, it came with its fair share of anxiety and stress. My kids were doing ok in school (one more ok than the other) but the education system seemed like a necessary evil we had to soldier through (I say “we” because all parents know it’s a shared pain) more than a process of discovery. School, homework, CCA, piano lessons, ballet lessons, badminton training sessions. Certainly, all good to have, but keeping up with the routine was a chore. I had started a blog on kids and education with a good number of followers but it was directionless. I often thought despairingly, “What’s the point of all this?”

But over the last decade, I saw God’s wisdom and guiding hand in life events that seemed random at the time. If not for the blog, I would not have published a book. Early ballet lessons led Lesley-Anne to discover and share her passion in dance. Being a social butterfly in school showed Andre his gift in hospitality, which led to his choice of study and internship. Little pieces fit in a larger puzzle now and it gives me confidence that others will too, in time. Nothing’s wasted in God’s economy.

And through various personal encounters, my eyes were opened to this fact: we’re not on earth killing time until we can get to heaven (hopefully). It’s about experiencing bits of God’s kingdom every day, through the people we meet, the process of living out who God meant us to be. Like how I started Hedgehog as a means to earn a living and I later learned that it’s been a channel of blessing for some writers. To be used by God as a conduit to bless others - that’s a privilege.

This is my belief: It really isn’t about our “accomplishments” which is a fallacy anyway, since by themselves, they mean nothing. Rather, there is a point to our lives on earth, which is to prepare us for the next chapter. Ironically, there is freedom in surrender, and as I’ve experienced, freedom comes with much joy and peace.

As we move into 2020, I wish for all of you God’s love, joy and peace, that you might see how precious and special you are. Your life matters.

Hello, goodbye

I’m the kind of person who’s always asking, what next? I’m usually hurtling forward, trying to make things happen. And when they don’t, I become frustrated, antsy and ask why why why. In 2018, through a series of events, I learned the wisdom of letting go. Of relinquishing control (which was only an illusion after all, because I never really had it).

It was incredibly liberating. I find myself more relaxed than I’ve ever been. It sounds contradictory – to find security when you give it up, but that’s how it is. I stopped worrying, planning, sometimes even just doing. And as I listened and waited, with no expectations, things happened. Things beyond what I dared to dream, things that I’d previously tried to engineer and failed, now fell into my lap. 

The wisdom of God is that He knows when we are ready. And the age-old adage is true – that if we’re not ready to handle the small stuff, entrusting us with the big stuff will destroy us. There’s joy and peace (without the worry) in knowing that the reins are being held by someone who knows where I need to go.

So for the new year, I wish all you, my family and friends, this same joy and peace – that no matter how much turmoil the world is going through, may your lives be secure in His truth and love.

Blessed 2019, everyone.

xxxxx

I know I haven't posted on this blog for a while now. It's a conscious decision - I feel that this blog has outlived its usefulness as a repository of education op eds, and I loathe to continue for its own sake, especially when I don't have anything meaningful to say. In 2019, Lesley-Anne and I will be releasing our last book together, and we will both be moving on to other things. I believe there are different seasons of life, and we are called to move on when new adventures beckon, not cling on to old ones out of nostalgia. It's the only way to grow as a person.

For all those of you who have followed me these many years, I'm truly grateful for your support and love. I might still make an appearance here if any burning issues catch my imagination. Otherwise, take it that the blog is going into hibernation. If you really want to read stuff by me, there's always my Travel blog, where I recently recorded our family trip to Nagoya.

Love lots, live lots ♥ ♥

Monica 

Why I, a Christian, believe 377A should be repealed

Four years ago, I wrote a post in response to the NLB’s banning of the penguin books. Today, I’m writing a post in response to the 377A issue. I struggled with whether to post this because I know it will generate a lot of controversy from all sides, and I dislike conflict. Immensely. 

However, I know many Christians have been grappling with this issue and I’ve been feeling a strong urge to share my views as a fellow Christian. I don’t know if you are for, against, or not sure which stance you are supposed to take. I will make it very clear – these are my views and I’m not forcing you to agree with me. We can agree to disagree. But if this post can somehow help you gain clarity on the issue, then that’s all I can ask for. 

I believe 377A should be repealed. Here’s why: 

1) Sin and crime are two very different things. Even if you believe homosexuality is a sin, as stated in the bible, it is unjust to call it a crime. I’ve said this before: some Christians feel like as long as LGBT is on the cards, they have to always take the other side. Stop and think about how ludicrous this is. If sins should be considered crimes, then why don’t we criminalise adultery? Or premarital sex? Or divorce? Or, as I jokingly mentioned on FB to the horror of my foodie friend, why not criminalise gluttony? Ban buffets! 

2) The 377A is a sham because it is openly unenforced. What’s the point of it then? For this reason, having the 377A does not discourage homosexuality. It’s like having a law against speeding, then declaring that the law would never be enforced. Does the law deter speeding then? No. So if I say the law should be dropped, am I then saying that I support speeding? Of course not.

But by keeping 377A, we are legitimising hatred and prejudice towards the LGBT, which impinges on human rights. This is not just a secular issue. In the bible, we are told to seek justice for all as well.

As for the argument that we should uphold Asian values, guess what – 377A is not a law enacted by Singapore (and thus Asian). It is an antiquated British law introduced in 1938 that we inherited from our colonial past. So what Asian values are we talking about?

3) I hope you recognise that Singapore is a secular society. I think it’s terribly obtuse of Christians to insist that laws for a secular society should be in line with their own beliefs. You cannot furtively try to “make” Singapore more Christian by forcing Christian values down the throats of non-believers. That’s incredibly arrogant.

I will even go so far as to say that’s what the Jewish religious leaders in Jesus’ time did. Instead of loving, helping and guiding people, all they did was prescribe a whole lot of laws, police moral conduct and condemn those who did not fall within their circle of acceptability.

Consider the bible story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). The Pharisees wanted to stone her according to the law of Moses. But Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to cast a stone at her.” Note, he didn’t say: “Let him who is without sin of adultery”. The bible clearly states that “There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:22,23). All sins are bad. Why then do we always play up the sin of homosexuality with such indignation without looking at our own sins of greed, pride, anger, envy and so on? 

Some Christians think that since the LGBT haven’t obeyed Jesus’ command to “go and sin no more”, they are justified in rejecting the LGBT. Yes, Jesus did say that. And that relationship is between God and the individual. Nothing to do with you. By the way, how are you doing with your own sins? Are you now completely sinless? It makes me incredibly angry that some people think they have the right to judge others in this way, or tell others they are not welcome in church until they repent. Who made you gatekeeper of God’s Kingdom?

Jesus was kind to the woman because she acknowledged her sin and received his grace. But he was harsh to the Pharisees because they condemned her and justified themselves. Contrary to popular belief, the hardened criminals or people struggling with sin are usually not those who are most lost to the gospel. Ironically, these are the ones who generally obey the rules, are quite nice folks and think they’re not so bad, therefore don’t need God’s mercy as much as others. Once we attribute righteousness through our own efforts and not through God, we are rejecting the gospel of grace. I believe that people with spiritual pride are always treated harshly by God because the self takes credit for God’s work. 

Supporting the repeal is not equal to endorsing homosexuality

Most Christians would be familiar with the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). In today’s context, if Jesus had retold the parable, I imagine the priest might be a pastor, the Levite a cell group leader, and the Samaritan a gay man who doesn’t believe in God.

Are you feeling offended? If you are, then perhaps you should ask yourself why. The people who were offended by the story during Jesus’ time were the Jews. They felt insulted because the priests and the Levites were the spiritual leaders of their time, whereas the Samaritans were half-Jew, half-Gentile and had their own religious system.

A guest speaker at my recent church conference was Pastor Peter Tsukahira, who pastors a church in Israel. He shared that we tend to believe the priest and Levite passed the wounded man on the road because they were heartless and uncaring. But at that time, priests had to abide by strict rules to maintain purity of the mind and body. Touching a dead or dying body would have rendered the priest impure and unable to perform his priestly duties, until he was thoroughly cleansed. Likewise for the Levites who performed some religious duties at the temple, touching a corpse was considered unclean. In other words, they could have been avoiding the man just so they could remain pure to perform God’s work.

In contrast, the Samaritans were considered heretics because they had broken away from God’s Word and believed that God could only be worshipped in Samaria.

Yet, Jesus deliberately told this parable in response to the young rabbi’s question: “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”, and said: “Go and do likewise.” He was contrasting the priest and Levite (who had belief but no action) with the Samaritan (who had the wrong belief but right action).

Some Christians fear that by supporting the repeal of 377A, they are sending the message that homosexuality is acceptable. It is not, the same way that when Jesus told the young rabbi to “go and do likewise”, he wasn’t endorsing the Samaritan’s belief. He was making the point that what we do matters too, not just what we believe. 

Other Christians feel that 377A should be upheld, otherwise it will lead to the slippery slope of gay marriage promotion or homosexuality in schools. It bugs me that people think they can use the possibility of dangers in the future to justify them not doing the right thing now. This reminds me of the ancient emperors in China, who would eliminate entire families of their enemies, just to prevent any of them from seeking revenge in the future. We are to do the right thing, always. What may happen in the future does not justify any wrongdoing, ever. 

Often, I feel people caricaturise the LGBT out of ignorance and fear. If you don’t have a single LGBT friend, then it’s easy to paint them as villains with a common evil intent (the “Gay Agenda”!) It’s just like how people who don’t have friends from other races tend to be the most racist. It’s easier to draw tribal lines and imagine “others” as a wicked bunch when you don’t know any of them. But the LGBT community, like the Christian community, is far from being a homogeneous group. If you take the time to befriend them and know them personally, you will see that each of them has his own fears, struggles, hopes and dreams. In other words, they are human beings, just like us.

The great commission is to turn people to Christ. And last I checked, trying to impose Christian values on non-believers usually has the opposite effect. Jesus said in no uncertain terms that we are live for Christ by loving God, and our neighbours as ourselves. And yes, our neighbours include the LGBT. Like it or not, this community has been deeply hurt by Christians in the past, even well-meaning ones. It’s time we showed them kindness as God intended it.

Showing them kindness doesn’t mean you are endorsing or encouraging homosexuality. Don’t confuse your actions with outcomes. You are only responsible for the former, not the latter. In fact, if you believe that you somehow have to control the outcome, then you are not only robbing God of His sovereignty, you are demonstrating very little faith in His ability to transform hearts. Be the light and God will take care of the rest.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” – Romans 12:15-18

The buggy generation

Read to the end to find out what this post is REALLY about.

A couple of weeks ago, my church organised its once-in-two-years church camp. Traditionally, the June hols are when churches hold their church camps and mine is no different. Since Andre's poly holidays didn't coincide with that week, he had to stay home and Kenneth decided to stay with him.

So it was an all-girl trip for us - me, Lesley-Anne and my sister. We had such an enriching and blessed time together. Our speaker was Pastor Edmund Chan who started the annual IDMC Conference. He's such a spirit-led and charismatic speaker. Apparently, our church booked him four years in advance, that's how popular a speaker he is!

Our church camp was held at AVANI Sepang Goldcoast Resort, an hour drive from KL. The resort is gorgeous - it's like something out of the Maldives (but closer to home and cheaper!). It's really an ideal place for a retreat. It's quiet with a fabulous beach. For a small fee, you can take part in unlimited sea sports, like jet-skiing.

Infinity pool

For families, there are luxurious family villas that sleep four with two separate rooms and two bathrooms! Lesley-Anne and I were booked in a superior villa (sleeps two). All the villas have a balcony that looks out to the sea.

The only drawback is that due to the size of the resort (the villas are very spread out), depending on where your villa is, you can be quite far from the lobby/main entrance area, which was where we had to go for all our speaker sessions.

If you see the photo below, the resort is laid out like a palm tree, with the lobby area at the base of the trunk. The superior villas are mostly along the trunk, while the family villas are along the "branches". Just the trunk itself is around 500m, and each of the "branches" is another 500m or so. Which means that if your villa is situated at the end of one of the branches, it's about a 1km hike to the main lobby.  

Photo: Avani Sepang

To facilitate movement, the resort provides free bikes that can be found parked all along the villas. 

They also provide a buggy service. However, since our church contingent comprised more than 600 campers, our church organisers told us to leave the buggies for the older folks who really needed it.

Our villa was located at the 350m mark from the main lobby, so it really didn't seem like a problem. Lesley-Anne is a terrible cyclist and she said she would most likely cycle into the sea, so walking was going to be our mode of transport. However, by the second day, my knees were killing me (though it was probably the prolonged standing during the sessions more than the walking that caused the problem).

One afternoon, Lesley-Anne was walking ahead and I was lagging behind under the scorching sun when I passed by a couple of bikes. Suddenly, biking seemed like a really good idea. I picked one, placed my bag in the front basket and hopped on. I gripped the handlebars confidently, and off I went!...for about 10 metres before nearly crashing into a flower bed. So much for not ever forgetting how to ride a bike. Anyway, the bike went back to the side of the path and I went back to shuffling the rest of the way.

So by the end of the second day with aching knees, I gave in and took the buggy.

I was a little abashed that I was taking up a spot that should have gone to the old aunties...and then I noticed something curious. Nobody shot me dirty looks as the buggy whizzed past them on the path. In fact, nobody even looked twice in my direction. Then it dawned on me. OMG. I AM THE OLD AUNTIE.

It's amazing how quickly your feelings can evolve. I went from shame to wonder to indignation to resignation all within a split second. (I'm efficient. Even my feelings are efficient). If ever I was in denial about my auntie status, that jiggly ride on the buggy snapped me out of my delusions once and for all.

It's official - I am part of the buggy generation. It's quite funny, when you think about it, that I had more than one sort of awakening at church camp. Ah well. The least I can do is accept it with grace and humour. And at least it's a comfortable ride.

The DSA vs kiasu parents

The latest news on the education front is the changes to Direct School Admissions (DSA). A reader asked me what I thought about the changes and I told her that after all these years, having witnessed cohort after cohort of students and parents undergo the system, I've become quite pessimistic about the possibility of a real transformation in education.

Two reasons: one, the mindset of parents in this country HAS NOT CHANGED. If anything, parents have become more kiasu than ever. This is not to say that all parents are kiasu, but as long as the majority of parents believe in chiong-ing to ridiculous extremes to chase the "best" school, the top grades etc, change cannot take place, no matter what tweaks are done to the education system.

The second reason is related to the first: the changes that MOE have made do not address the root problem of parents' mindsets. Removing DSA via academic ability will simply shift the focus onto sports and other abilities. If your attitude is that the DSA is a fast ticket to the school of your choice, then you will work backwards to calculate what it takes to get the DSA. This accounts for the horrifying number of pre-schoolers being pushed into swimming, golf, theatre and what have you, with the aim of hot-housing them for the sole purpose of DSA.

Honestly, how do you, as a parent, know that your 5-year-old has or will have a real passion or talent in competitive badminton? Or violin? Or hip hop? The short answer: you don't. These misplaced efforts have the potential to do real damage by forcing a child into an activity which serves only a pragmatic purpose, with almost no consideration for his or her real interest. I personally know of parents who pour thousands of dollars into singing or acting lessons with the hope that their kids can get DSA into SOTA, without even thinking whether their children have any interest in pursuing the arts as a career.

Education Minister Ng Chee Meng was quoted as saying, "With this expansion, students can better access schools with suitable programmes via DSA to nurture their strengths, talents and interests."

That may be MOE's intention, but the way that parents are trying to game the system, I argue that the DSA currently does not nurture strengths, talents or interests. If you have been training for a sport for 7 years by the time you're 12, chances are you will be very good at it, simply due to the amount of time invested. It does not mean that you have the natural strength or talent in it, let alone interest. In addition, the DSA nurtures nothing. Let's not kid ourselves - students don't have their abilities honed upon being successful in DSA. The DSA rewards students who ALREADY display ability.

The only way that the expanded DSA relieves stress is simply by increasing the number of spaces allocated. So instead of being able to take in only 2 basketballers, maybe a school can now take in 5. In other words, the child now doesn't have to be the top 2 trying out, just the top 5. Whoop dee doo!

Another problem is the schools themselves have a pragmatic agenda. Schools who offer DSAs via sports and arts see these kids as potential medal grabbers for school glory. Don't believe me? When was the last time a school offered DSA for a sport or CCA that wasn't competitive?

In fact, this clumping of DSA students into niche schools for specific activities creates other problems at the secondary school level. The same old schools tend to dominate all the medals in specific sports, which is not surprising because they already took in all the top players to begin with. It makes a mockery of competitive sports and the arts, leaving very little room and recognition for schools who don't take in DSA kids and actually DO nurture students with no prior experience. Forget about sportsmanship, growth and effort. Those take a backseat.

The DSA, therefore, has become an avenue for schools to become "elite" in certain sports and the arts, in the same way that branded schools like to trumpet their academic achievements, when the chances of success are already skewed in their favour. Ironically, instead of closing gaps, the DSA has inadvertently created an unlevel playing field in a whole different arena.

Andre's experience

I was initially reluctant to post about this topic because I felt that nothing I said would make a difference. It's like using a fly swatter to pit myself against the kiasu parents wielding Thor hammers. Plus, I'm perfectly aware that the parents who follow my blog tend to share my views, so I'm only preaching to the converted.

But in the spirit of giving encouragement, I thought I should share Andre's case, so for those of you who are despairing, you might take heart.

When Andre was in p6, he tried out for DSA for badminton to a few schools. He was rejected by every single one of them. There was one particular school that his badminton coach recommended him to, that she was quite confident he would be successful in. Then just three months before the badminton trials, the school changed the coach. The new coach took a different approach and didn't select Andre.

At a badminton competition

Back then, we were bitterly disappointed and so was he. We couldn't understand why God seemed to close all the doors to Andre, even though he realistically should have stood a chance. It was only years later that we realised we should have just trusted God from the beginning. The school where he eventually enrolled in, via an unlikely appeal, became such a blessing for Andre. It amply recognised and rewarded him for his badminton achievements and efforts, as I've blogged about before. He even became the CCA's captain and vice-captain for four years, an opportunity he would have been unlikely to receive in the other schools with DSA candidates.

In addition, many of the schools which offer badminton DSA are SAP schools, meaning Andre would have had to take Higher Chinese. With his horrendous Chinese standards, this would have been an unequivocal Disaster with a capital D, and maybe caused Andre to be retained. As a poetic ending, Andre's school badminton team, with no DSA students, beat out that earlier school he had missed out on the DSA for, in this year's school badminton tournament. It's a lesson in sportsmanship, humility and character-building.

I'm sharing this from the vantage point of a parent who has been there and done that. For Christian parents, have faith that God really knows what's best for your kid. You may not see it now, but it's my experience that every time we try to arm twist God into giving us what we want, it usually turns out to be disastrous. No need to chiong and stress - just trust that He will provide. Remember, God knows the future, we don't.

For non-Christian parents, I know it can be nerve-wrecking to trust that you're making the right decision in not chiong-ing with the crowd. But from the many parents I've spoken to and know about, I found that a significant number of children who took up DSA sports or arts eventually regretted doing so and dropped their speciality. I'm not saying that DSA, or even preparation for DSA, is bad. I'm saying that if you want to take this route, do make sure that your child is truly passionate about the chosen sport/art form, and it's not just because you're trying to bypass the PSLE or chope a place in a desired school at all costs.

As I'd also observed from the paths Lesley-Anne and Andre's friends took, the vast majority of them ended up in a similar route in higher education. At Yale-NUS where Lesley-Anne is now, the students come from a wide spectrum of schools and had amassed an equally wide range of grades, which makes me believe even more fervently that all the panicking and stress are so needless. The Big Bad PSLE is REALLY just one exam and it doesn't make as great an impact on your child's future as you might think.

It all boils down to perspective. At the end of the day, if what you want are happy and fulfilled children with values and character (and I hope you do), then understand that it doesn't start with killing their childhood with work, drills and more work (both academic and non-academic). I see so many unhappy teenagers around who are stressed out, insecure and hate their parents, and I say this emphatically: it's not worth it.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Scholarships and universities - letting God lead

This post is a testimony on Lesley-Anne's scholarship journey. Some of you may recall that I blogged about how Lesley-Anne would only go overseas for her university education if she could secure a scholarship.

While most students think of the scholarship bond as a burden, Lesley-Anne holds a different view. Since she's looking to study Liberal Arts or Literature (which don't necessarily have the best job prospects), she sees the bond as an advantage because it would guarantee a job upon graduation. I guess she's unusual that way.

So when exploring scholarships, she applied only to organisations where she was interested in carving out a career. One particular organisation stood out as her first choice. Funnily enough, it has nothing to do with the arts. What she found out about their role and work intrigued her. She was invited to go for the first round assessment centre and the process was rigorous. Lasting a full day, she had to analyse real industry papers, present recommendations, participate in a debate and do a written test. While it was exhausting, she found the content fascinating. That reinforced her belief that it would be interesting to work for this organisation.

From our past experiences, we have learnt not to just pray for something as what we want may not actually be good for us. So we asked God to grant her this scholarship and create a place for her ONLY if this organisation was right for her.

Lesley-Anne must have done well in the assessment centre because she received a call-back the very next day to attend the first round interview. Yay!
 
We were hopeful but the interview didn't turn out the way she wanted. She came back all moody and said "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT." Later, the kaypoh in me managed to pry a little out of her. She said the HR director, who was the main interviewer, started off cheery but as the interview progressed, he didn't seem to like some of her answers and started looking bored. At one point, he even slumped in his seat.

She was deeply discouraged but I reminded her of what we prayed - if it's right, God will make it happen. If it's not, then it's actually a blessing in disguise not to get it because it wasn't right for you.
To be perfectly honest though, we all kinda thought it was a lost cause. She was shortlisted for interviews/assessments with other organisations, so she began preparing for those.

It was also around this time that Lesley-Anne had to consider which university she wanted to go to. She had received 4 offers from UK universities to study Literature, including UCL and University of Edinburgh. Apart from those, she also had an offer from Yale-NUS, the only local university she had applied to. If she didn't manage to secure a scholarship, the choice would be clear because we had told her we would only be able to fund a local tertiary education. However, if she did manage to get a scholarship, she would have to indicate her preference.

One attribute about Lesley-Anne is that she's terribly indecisive. If we left her to decide where to have dinner, we'd probably starve. On one hand, she knew that going overseas would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. On the other hand, she was very attracted to the Liberal Arts programme in Yale-NUS, with its broad-based curriculum, international student mix and incredible opportunities for overseas exchanges.

There she was, swinging like a pendulum from one to another, unable to decide. In the end, she added a request to God - if she were to land a scholarship, let the organisation tell her where to go. I could just imagine God smacking His forehead and going, "Aiyoh, this girl! Everything oso must specify until liddat." (Yes, in my imagination, God speaks Singlish).

Then out of the blue, the first organisation called her back. She had been shortlisted for a final interview with the top brass! It was an unexpected and fantastic surprise. I don't think the interview panel knew what to make of Lesley-Anne. She's just so different from their usual candidates, most of whom chose to study fields relevant to the industry, like engineering, law or economics. Here instead was this girl who had written books, enjoyed dance and applied to study Literature and Liberal Arts. She was an outlier if ever there was one.

But clearly, they must have seen something in her because in the end, after a long excruciating wait, they offered her the scholarship! We later found out that the organisation only gave out 7 scholarships out of 1,500 applicants this year. (I'm glad we didn't know the odds beforehand as she might have just given up due to the sheer improbability!) What was even more amazing: hers was the ONLY award where the organisation specified the university - they wanted her to attend Yale-NUS.

God answered every request she had made. Tell me that's not divine intervention. Everything happened with such uncanny leading that we could scarcely believe it.

A little more related information: after she was offered the scholarship, she was shortlisted for a final interview with the CEO and Chairman of another organisation. My gut tells me she would probably be successful in that application as well, as the people there like her and it's an arts-related organisation. Plus that scholarship would probably allow her to go overseas.

Some people may think, oh why not try for it then? But Lesley-Anne turned down that final interview with our blessings because she knew what the right path was. Isn't it great when God has shown the way so clearly, that you know that's the one to take? There's no better feeling.

So long story short, Lesley-Anne did get her scholarship but the irony is that she won't be going overseas after all. Sometimes, God is funny that way. And it's all good.

All about the 'A's

Posting on a public blog about academic results is always tricky, in my opinion. I'm constantly in two minds whether to do so. If the results are bad, announcing them would embarrass my child. On the other hand, announcing good results can sound like I'm bragging. I faced this dilemma when each of my kids went through their PSLE.

You probably all know by now that I'm alluding to Lesley-Anne's 'A' level results, which were released last Friday.

Some background: Even though Lesley-Anne had been performing consistently well in JC, the subject that had given her the most trouble was English Language and Linguistics (ELL). I'd written about this in a 2014 post on how she chose her rather unconventional subject combination. It was a subject she chose to take due to interest, even though it wasn't highly encouraged because it has a historically low distinction rate at the 'A' levels, compared to other subjects. As you know, in the Singapore education system, you're supposed to pick subjects where you have the highest chance of scoring an 'A', since that's all that matters in education! Bleeaah.

ELL is a subject that is very hard to score well in. When I saw what Lesley-Anne has to study, many of the topics were those that I learned in university and in as great detail. The work she put in for ELL was more than what she had to do for her other subjects. The grading was equally tough. The best grade she ever received in the subject in her two JC years was a 'B'. The worst, an 'E'. However, she never regretted her decision to take ELL. ELL was interesting and opened her eyes to how language is used, something that's infinitely useful to a writer.

Then came the 'A' levels and my heart sank when she came home from the first ELL paper, terribly upset. She said the paper featured some very odd questions and she took a long time to figure out what to write, so when time was up, she couldn't finish and missed out writing a very important point. Nevertheless, I told her to put that aside and focus on her other papers. Before her second ELL paper, we all prayed ridiculously hard and even though it also turned out to feature quite non-standard questions, thankfully, she found it more manageable than the first paper.

So fast forward to last week, before the 'A' level results. If you've followed my blog all these years, you'll know that scoring straight 'A's has never been a fixation with us the way it is with many Singaporean parents. Not that we don't think grades are important, but they're not everything. In fact, when Lesley-Anne conducts talks in primary schools, one of the things she shares to encourage the kids is that she was never a straight 'A' student and that has not stopped her from chasing her dreams.

However, for the 'A' levels, the number of 'A' grades Lesley-Anne scored would have significant impact on her tertiary path. She had already received an unconditional offer from a local university and a few conditional offers from overseas universities. For one of the conditional offers, the condition is straight 'A's. In addition, I'd previously blogged that if Lesley-Anne wanted to go overseas, she would need to secure a scholarship as we wouldn't be able to pay for her. So without straight 'A's, going to the other overseas universities would also be unlikely (even thought they didn't impose the straight 'A' condition), simply because the chances of winning a scholarship without straight 'A's would be that much lower.

With all the different configurations weighing on her mind, by Thursday night, Lesley-Anne was a nervous wreck. To calm her down, I said I would drink with her. By drink, I meant we shared one small bottle of 4.8% alcoholic drink. Peach flavoured some more, haha. We watched mindless sitcoms on TV until we zoned out (mostly Big Bang Theory).

We also prayed. A lot. I asked God to reward Lesley-Anne's hard work (I thought it would be terribly discouraging if her admirable work ethic came to naught). As you know, I'm constantly vexed by the kiasu and soul-less attitude that's rife in our education system - "study what you can score in!", "do what is prestigious!", etc. So I asked God to also let her results be an inspiration to those who have the courage to follow their own path and go with their conviction, not the ones who constantly look to game the system.

After an excruciating wait on Friday, she finally called me at about 3pm...

She got her 'A' in ELL. And in all her other subjects as well. Six distinctions in total.

I'm not gonna elaborate on our response and feelings - ecstatic doesn't even begin to describe it. But what I can say is, the deep gratitude I feel towards God's grace is what made me decide to reveal Lesley-Anne's results in the end. Whether her experience will encourage you that going with your passion can bring rewards, or whether it will strengthen your own faith, I don't know. All I can do is share.

I suppose at the end of the day, it's less about the actual results and more about what a combination of faith, prayer and diligence (plus some alcohol) can accomplish. I don't even know if Lesley-Anne will eventually go overseas for her university education. At this stage, we have adopted the attitude that it really doesn't matter. Whatever God has planned for her, it will be good.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." - Jeremiah 29: 11-12

Stress test - how not to go bananas

So the 'A' levels is in full swing and everyone in our family is already heartily sick of it. Lesley-Anne is so stressed out that her eczema has blossomed like summer sunflowers. As for the rest of us, we're playing the supportive role. Andre has wised up to the fact that his spontaneous and persistent: "Jie jie, jie jie, jie jie, whatcha doing, jie jie, jie jie, did you hear me?" is NOT a good idea at this point in time and likely to trigger fits of rage.

Some mothers write inspirational notes to their tortured exam kids. Me, I paste Grumpy Cat printouts on Lesley-Anne's door:

I'm not being mean, honest. Just trying to make her laugh (although when she came home from a particularly disastrous paper, her death glare was so potent I didn't dare put up a new one. At times like these, the only correct course of action is to stay far, far away until the coast is clear).

On a more serious note, I do believe that the art of managing your kids during stressful periods is to know your kids well. Lesley-Anne already puts a lot of pressure on herself and can suffer from anxiety, so we try to alleviate that (or at least not add to it). During revision, she uses her wardrobe as a white board, which I think is pretty ingenious.

Apart from her 'A' level preps, she's also in the midst of university applications now and sometimes worries over whether she can get into this university or that. We constantly remind her that God knows where's best for her and if He doesn't want her to go to a particular university, she can speak like Christiane Amanpour at the interviews, write like Sylvia Plath in the admissions tests, and still be rejected.

When she's in a bad mood, she wants to be left alone, so we give her the space.

When she's in the mood to chat or just need a venting outlet, I try to be there for her and we sometimes share stupid jokes and silly stories, which go a long way towards lightening the atmosphere. Take the cue from your kids (and pray for them) - that's the best formula to help them through stressful times.

And of course, we know that all this is temporary. Only two more weeks before we're home free!

xxxx

On a separate note, my heart goes out to Paris and all families of the victims of the horrific event that happened on Friday. Even as I write this sentence, it sounds so pitifully inadequate. When the news first broke, I couldn't find the words to describe how I felt, beyond the very inarticulate and uncharitable, "I hope all the perpetrators burn in hell." Other people have tried to put words to their thoughts - those who blame Muslims, those who defend Muslims, those who blame refugees, those who blame the Western world, those who cry foul at the disproportionate media attention vs the blasts in Beirut, etc etc. Everyone had an opinion or an explanation.

I read some of them and then I stopped reading. Perhaps it's because I was so sickened by the wanton disregard for the sanctity of human life that all the words and analyses in the world seemed meaningless and pompous. What did they matter? At times like these, when our faith in humanity is shaken to the core, the only thing that can bring hope is kindness to others. The accounts of strangers offering help and opening up their homes to those who were injured bring a glimmer of light to the dark. It is my heartfelt wish that the victims and families of the victims encounter much kindness and love from those around them.

May we always be kind to one another.

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." - Mother Teresa