Of Kids and Education

Hi mon, Thanks for the reply. Yar, that's exa...

2012-05-23T14:48:41.050+08:00

Hi mon,

Thanks for the reply. Yar, that's exactly what I meant. i'm not a mom yet but I know how tough to be one. I'm not sure if to be in Andre's shoes, it's just not abt experiencing failure but the parents different reaction to the same situation. U may feel both children are as different as sky n earth, but to the children, they are equal if not the same. It's a natural reaction to compare but then again, I'm a gal n may be over sensitive. Andre, who is a boy sounds like a happy go lucky child.

Jo: There's usually more competition between s...

2012-05-23T14:18:25.256+08:00

Jo: There's usually more competition between siblings when they're close together in age and the same gender. It's great that you recognise this and dissuade the rivalry, that can be so unhealthy!

Do keep encouraging your elder girl to break out of her comfort zone. The first few times are the hardest, then they'll start to realise it's actually quite liberating :)

Livetogive: I agree the SG system is not conducive...

2012-05-23T14:16:18.484+08:00

Livetogive: I agree the SG system is not conducive for failure, it punishes mistakes at an age when kids should be encouraged to explore and these mistakes often have real consequences.

Thanks for the offer of maths help, I think you previously offered too. It's more a case of the schl teacher going really fast and introducing a new topic every week, so she can't grasp the concepts well. The tutor I got her is v good, hopefully she'll make good progress :)

Wow Mon...another post I so identify with. My elde...

2012-05-23T14:02:21.232+08:00

Wow Mon...another post I so identify with. My elder dd has always had it easier with work & all other stuff, like music & swimming. She hardly gets "bad" grades & even somehow manages to do ok for her music without a lot of blood, sweat & tears. To top it off, her year is not a very competitive year for swimmers so she has managed to "breeze thru" without having to swim great timings.

My young dd is like Andre so she is familiar with failure. She is in a v competitive year for swimmers in her school & club. She doesn't get much chance to be picked for the swim events. Fortunately being a happy go lucky kid, she doesn't let all these things get her down although she lacks self-confidence at times. Everytime she manages to do a performance best at a swim meet we are delighted...cause it hardly ever happens ! We were ecstatic when she got a medal at the school swim meet this year !

Due to this, I find my elder dd complacent at times because she doesn't need to put in the extra effort to get where she is ... and my hubby wants her to be a bit more of a risk taker but she isn't willing to get out of her comfort zone. This year my younger dd is slowly getting out from under her sister's shadow & we are pleased because for the longest time there was comparison (by others, not us) between the 2 ... because they are only 1 school year apart.

We learn more from failure :-) However, in Singapo...

2012-05-23T13:57:01.868+08:00

We learn more from failure :-) However, in Singapore context, most of the time, there is no 2nd chance when you fail....that's the true fact in Singpaore. Anyway, if she needs assistance in A Math, I could offer some help. There's no short cut to excel in Math except practise and attend past year questions.

If you're asking whether I will say the same t...

2012-05-23T10:59:19.609+08:00

If you're asking whether I will say the same thing to Andre if he failed, the answer is no because Andre has already experienced failure many times. He doesn't need to learn the lesson that failure is part of life, he knows this already! Regardless of our response, we still need to help our kids get back on their feet and encourage them to try again.

Hi mona, As u have mentioned, u have 2 very diffe...

2012-05-23T01:41:57.039+08:00

Hi mona,

As u have mentioned, u have 2 very different kids. The elder one is very self motivated while the younger child needs to be 'pushed' a bit more.

Ermm.. I'm not good with words.. So pardon my poor english. I know where u r coming from when u r 'happy' with LA's bad score so that she knows failure is part n parcel of life.. But wondering if Andre will feel the different treatment fr u if he fails the same subject.. U know kids will be kids.. They tend to compare if we parents are consistent in the attitude/preaching.

Roy: I'm flattered you would consider me but I...

2012-05-22T21:55:47.702+08:00

Roy: I'm flattered you would consider me but I have this deep-rooted dislike of public speaking. Why do you think I write? lol!

But if you're really looking for someone to speak to youths, would you like to consider Daniel? He has given inspirational talks to youths based on his own experiences, I can link you 2 up. Just email me (click on my business website).

Hi Monica, Its heartfelt to read how you have gro...

2012-05-22T21:16:06.956+08:00

Hi Monica,

Its heartfelt to read how you have grown in your journey as a mom. Te insights with regards to failures and character.

If you have an opportunity to speak to youths about these deep lessons like failures n passions, would you be willing to do so?

Roy

Parent C: "Yup in P4 I was deathly afraid of ...

2012-05-22T12:47:45.649+08:00

Parent C: "Yup in P4 I was deathly afraid of failure too; I was 'double-promoted' from P2 to P4, skipping P3. In P4 during a test, I even threw up in class due to nervousness!! It was very unhealthy, and my performance-anxiety was bred so strongly that even for a driving test at the age of 37, I couldn't eat properly for a few days.. ;-P"

Parent B: "Great piece, Monica, as always:-) ...

2012-05-22T12:47:20.802+08:00

Parent B: "Great piece, Monica, as always:-) I am one of those who doesn't believe in too much success. I think too much of that at at early age is crippling, like you say. So I've never wanted the boys to be top of the class. My mom used to tell them that n every time I would tell her n tell them no. I was also very careful about praise, making sure to phrase it such that it would be that they must be so proud of or pleased themselves, not that I was any prouder of them because of some achievement.

Because I often doubt myself, I unconsciously questioned the boys on their choices when they were younger, even on simple things. One day a friend told me to stop doing that cos it would make them question and doubt themselves. I thought that was such good advice & I'm so glad I was stopped before I inflicted damage on them. They simply decide - even what subjects they want to take - without consulting or heeing & hawing much. Such a breezy, enviable attitude!"

I thought I'd publish some thoughts by my frie...

2012-05-22T12:42:49.270+08:00

I thought I'd publish some thoughts by my friends who commented on the post via Facebook. It's interesting that so many of us who grew up as high achieving students face the same insecurities! We risk passing on these insecurities to our kids, so it's good to have that self-awareness now.

Parent A: "I love this post, Mon! You've encapsulated my thoughts on the issue and so much more. Having been brought up on the system, I absolutely connected my sense of self-worth with my results, ie, not very smart. Even doing well at work didn't wipe away my sense of unease that I must be some sort of imposter! Then of course, becoming a parent, I confusedly exacerbate the inclination of perfectionism in my kid :o! It's been a journey in itself, trying to kick the old habit. Luckily, the next best time to change is now. We've been walking the straight and narrow for awhile, although every now and then, we stray. Thank you for your reminder!"

Hopeful: I don't think we can "teach"...

2012-05-22T12:40:10.704+08:00

Hopeful: I don't think we can "teach" our children failure. Failure happens and we need to make sure that our response enables them to learn from it, not be paralysed by it.

Yes, yes, yes. I feel the same way too. But how d...

2012-05-22T12:19:05.484+08:00

Yes, yes, yes. I feel the same way too. But how difficult it is to "teach" a child failure! and when it does come along, how often do we ourselves get "sucked" into the nagging feeling that the child is really not good enough? I hope that when it finally happens (which it inevitably will)that I will be able to give the right sort of encouragement to see the kids through.

Thanks a lot. I will most likely go for it. I th...

2012-05-22T09:42:20.849+08:00

Thanks a lot. I will most likely go for it. I think it looks nice with some dark grey sofa that's the plan.

It's smoother than parquet so is has less grip...

2012-05-21T23:03:14.841+08:00

It's smoother than parquet so is has less grip, but I wouldn't say it's slippery. In fact, because you can't get it very wet, we don't wet mop it so don't even need the floor to dry, unlike with tiles. We have an elderly person in our household and it hasn't been a problem. Best is if you tried it out at the showroom for yourself, to get a feel.

Sounds good... is it slippery? I have a newborn c...

2012-05-21T22:52:42.087+08:00

Sounds good... is it slippery? I have a newborn child and this is of concern too...

Clivus: It's great, very low maintenance and f...

2012-05-21T22:03:24.493+08:00

Clivus: It's great, very low maintenance and friends have commented that it looks good. I don't have to worry about scratches unlike with parquet. The only thing is it has a hollow feel so when you drop something on the floor, the sound echoes throughout the house! But that's a minor issue and considering the price, definitely nothing to complain about.

Thanks! That's exactly what I am looking at f...

2012-05-21T21:13:30.589+08:00

Thanks! That's exactly what I am looking at from their website. You home gives the best illustration!

Any comment that you would tell me otherwise after using it for about 9 months?

Clivus: I don't know about the model but the c...

2012-05-21T20:33:13.467+08:00

Clivus: I don't know about the model but the colour is called Pearl Teak.

May I know what's the model of the Inovar floo...

2012-05-21T18:56:50.264+08:00

May I know what's the model of the Inovar floor you're using??

QX: Hahahaha, your dd is a real hoot! such a sense...

2012-05-17T10:49:10.880+08:00

QX: Hahahaha, your dd is a real hoot! such a sense of fun and it's lovely to see you obviously have such a uniquely loving relationship :)

Thanks Mon! Nothing close to beautiful like yours...

2012-05-16T23:10:29.518+08:00

Thanks Mon! Nothing close to beautiful like yours...but more mind boggling. This year she used less effort to make her card but made me use more effort to read her card. It was on a "giddy-looking" pattern paper and she wrote all the words around the pattern in a trail with so tiny words that I had to follow in order to get her message. And alas,feeling a sense of sympathy for her mum with presbyopia, she has put the answer key behind the card should I fail to trace it. LOL

Anyway it is very characteristic of her to tease me whenever she gets a chance. I just have to accept her as uniquely her... We are uniquely bestowed to each other by God to accept each other's nonsense. :D

qx

QX: Happy Mother's Day to you too! I'm sur...

2012-05-15T14:27:16.443+08:00

QX: Happy Mother's Day to you too! I'm sure your precious dd did something special for you :)

Aiyah, can't tahan Blogger sometimes, always malfunctioning...

QX: Thanks so much! Hopefully he can get back to b...

2012-05-15T14:26:26.974+08:00

QX: Thanks so much! Hopefully he can get back to badminton in a week or two.