Creative English definitions

Someone emailed me this list, supposedly the latest in a yearly competition by the Washington Post. Trying to be the responsible blogger, I checked out the authenticity and turns out, it's fake. (In fact, it has been in circulation since 2005).

Nevertheless, it's creative and funny, so I'm publishing it, but no credits to Washington Post. You're supposed to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. This is the list:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Hindprint (n.): Indentation made by a couch potato.

7. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.

8. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.

11. Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

18. Nazigator (n.): An overbearing member of your carpool.


Also check out this list of alternate meanings for common words:

1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

12. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.