Thursday, February 2, 2012

The true value of sports

It's time for the inter-school badminton tournament again and this is the last year Andre will be playing for his primary school team.

After 3 years of seeing Andre train and play, here's my conclusion:

Competitive sports is tough.

When parents first send their kids for training for any competitive sport, I'm sure many of them have big dreams. Maybe not as grandiose as grooming a national player but perhaps some image of sporting trophies or medals lining the bedroom shelf.

For some of course, these visions do become reality. But I've come to the realisation that for the majority, these are merely pipedreams. The Singapore sporting scene for kids has now become almost as competitive as the academic one, and many kids who start out playing because of the love for a sport simply don't have the resources or the time to invest in what has become necessary to be among the medal-worthy minority.

When Andre first started playing for the school team, we were cheering for them to win matches. Badminton, however, is not a niche sport for Andre's school so when this didn't take off, we revised our expectations downwards to just winning a couple of games in a match. Even that proved to be difficult.

Three years in a row, Andre's school has drawn to match up against the top primary school badminton team in Singapore. What are the odds? Even the coach was stumped. When Andre signed up for individual competitions, 4 out of 5 times, he's met seeded players or eventual winners of the tournament in the preliminary rounds, eliminating any chance of proceeding to the next stage.

Even though we know that in sports, you win some and you lose some, it's very disheartening to constantly be beaten down, especially by something as random as the luck of the draw. No matter how hard Andre trained or tried, he didn't seem to have very much to show for it, or to keep him encouraged. He grew to dislike competitions and would perform below his usual standards under pressure. When he lost, he would cry or mope and I was at my wit's end as to how to keep him motivated.

I struggled with this last year. I asked God, "why can't this child catch a break? Are you trying to tell us that we made the wrong decision in letting him pursue this sport?" I couldn't figure it out.

And then out of the blue this year, something changed. When Andre stepped up to play his first game against the top school (where he was matched up against the best player, no less), I noticed a spring in his step, a new-found confidence I never saw before. He faced his opponent, who was a whole head taller than him, unintimidated. He ran down every ball and played at a level unprecedented for him. He was demolished in the end, but to my surprise, he strode off the court smiling.

The teacher-in-charge turned to me and said, "You should be very proud of him."

To a bystander, it must have been an odd sight. There he was, having just lost the game and the coach was congratulating him on a job well done. But having coached him for 3 years, she recognised, as I did, that Andre had experienced some sort of breakthrough in his development.

It dawned on me: Andre was finally enjoying playing in a competition.

Sports is a school of hard knocks. It's not like a Hollywood inspirational movie where the underdog will eventually be crowned victorious after 2 hours, against all odds. Real life is not Hollywood - David doesn't always defeat Goliath, there isn't always light at the end of the tunnel. (Neither does love always conquer all nor truth always prevail, but that's another story). Basically, real life can be brutal.

Many kids train for a sport all of their school years and never make it even remotely close to the top. I've heard some parents make their kids take up the school's niche sport or pick more obscure sports to maximise their chances of winning, but I find it a little sad that even choosing a CCA has to be so calculated.

I don't want to rationalise. It's convenient to say God put Andre against all these tough opponents just to make him stronger but I can't say for sure. What I'm sure about though, is that you have to be prepared for the disappointment and the sacrifice. You have to lose so often that you become immune to it, that picking yourself up and trying again is, without thinking, the only option.

But even without planning for it, I cannot deny that badminton HAS made Andre stronger. On the court now, I see his tenacity, his drive, his intelligence, and it's wonderful to see his love of the game shine through. He belongs there. Even if he never wins another game, it's all good. That's the true value of sports.

And in reply to the terrifically supportive teacher-in-charge, I'm indeed proud of my son. Very much so.


"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." ~ Wayne Gretzky, professional hockey player.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog, your writing never ceases to touch me. I like how you write about everything so thoughtfully and your love for your children. God bless you and keep up the good work!

JY

monlim said...

JY: Thanks so much for the compliment!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing! This post spoke to me because my dd is in basketball in secondary school and I also find that the sports scene in Singapore is very competitive. Some schools even "buy" China talent, how to compete? However, I also agree with you that sports is great for developing character and it helps her focus on her studies.

Koh

monlim said...

Koh: Yeah, I've heard about the "buying" talent from China phenomenon. I find it unethical but what to do? We just have to focus on the many pluses of sports, definitely the character building bit is priceless.

All the best to your dd for basketball!

Anonymous said...

Oh Monica
This is a touching piece. It made my eyes moist. I definitely agree that kids should take part in sports to build character and learn values.

As for the buying of talent, I am not sure if it's really unethical. After all, many US colleges award scholarships to football players even though they cannot study for nuts. These China kids are also talents in their own rights. I am not saying we should encourage this but at the end of the day, let's look upon such sporting activities as a way to build up our kids and hopefully they carry on to enjoy exercise for life and stave off illnesses etc.


Ven

monlim said...

Ven: My take is that at the college level, sure, go ahead and give out sports scholarships and attract sports talents. But at the primary school level, I do feel the schools have some responsibility to try to groom kids instead of getting ready-made talent just for the sake of winning.

I guess to me, buying talent merely adds to the medal obsession of schools, who care more for their own glory than in developing kids. But I suppose some pple will say it's the reality of life! And yes, the biggest takeaway from sports is health and building of values. That's something that will stay with them for life.

Jo said...

Hi Mon

The question I always get from others is "So are you going to DSA to which school?" When I tell them we have no plans they think it's strange as to why this is not being considered. We got our girls involved in competitive swimming not to "DSA" but I think it's a main reason for lots of kids. We don't really think about it because they have an affiliated secondary school & we haven't considered going anywhere else. The thought has certainly crossed my mind.

I agree it is so v competitive. The not-so-good ones try to get better. The good ones have the pressure of staying on top & are always looking over their shoulder. Ironically when my eldest became better and a possible medal-hopeful, suddenly there was a push-factor for her to swim harder.

But since she started upper primary it's v tough to squeeze the time to train harder as there is so much school work. I don't know how some train at least 5-6times a week or more. We know that without more training there is a likelihood that up n coming swimmers will be faster. That's reality & we have to accept it.

Jo

monlim said...

Jo: Swimming is another crazy competitive sport for kids in SG. I can imagine the pressure you get when your dd suddenly looks in line for medals!

And yes, DSA is a big component. I find that it's the DSA that has pushed the standard of sports up. The way the kids play badminton now is 2 notches higher than 3 years ago. I heard that some parents are sending their kids for training at kindy age, just to get them ahead.

Jo said...

It's v important that the child enjoys the sport if they want to do it long term. I have heard of so many top swimmers who burn out by sec sch. I have seen pushy parents at the pool scolding their kids. There are kids that train as early as K1 ! When my dd started at P2 she was considered "late" already...

To my husband & I, the true value in sports are the health benefits, discipline & sportsmanship & what my husband calls the "fighting spirit". In the 2 years we have gone through good & not-so-good swims by our daughters & we learn to rejoice in the performance bests and learn from mistakes made.

To parents who ask us, for how long will your daughters train? We say, as long as they are happy doing so.

monlim said...

Jo: I think you and your hubby have the right spirit and because of this, your girls will probably enjoy swimming for life. Maybe you'll even inspire other parents at the pool!

Anonymous said...

Well done Andre! You are enlightened and with wise parents behind you, you are in good hands.

qx

monlim said...

Thanks, QX!

Anonymous said...

Hi Monica,

My daughter's school VP only expect to see achievements from the netball team. She was a little sad at his remarks as her team has not won any competitions yet. This is why I feel schools (not all) only stress on winning. They expect the child to put in so much time into training and at the same time do very well for their studies but get little or no support at all from teachers.

Like Andre, she is slowly gaining confidence during competitions. We told her to enjoy the game and if she wins, good for the team. If not, then try harder next time. That's all we as parents can do, isn't it?

Audrey

monlim said...

Audrey: Most schools nowadays zoom in only on the winning sports, which I think is sad too. If Andre's school doesn't show any results in badminton, the sport might be cut next year. I think it's a shame, considering there are interested kids but the schools don't want to invest funds in a sport that doesn't deliver medals.

Ironically, if you don't invest funds and time, how to show results? The kids who do well in the sport are the ones who have external training, meaning the investment is from the parents. All we can do is support them. If you feel strongly enough about netball for your dd's school, I suggest you write to the school, better if you get the support of other parents. Maybe that will gain some traction. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Another great piece of writing, Monica. I was appalled when the P replied when I asked why the school does not have a particular sports CCA (which has a low cost barrier) that the school's resources are focused on its few other particular CCAs - which incidentally always almost win the highest awards. From what I gather, it has something to do with MOE funding when they win those awards. Our education system does not allow our primary school kids to take or explore varieties of CCAs just for fun, pure fun. It's always about winning for the CCAs and whether you are good enough for school team, national competitions. Trials, tests are being conducted at primary school level to screen interested candidates for CCAs. Bring back the joy of joining whatever CCA we are keen in. Even in secondary school.

I think Andre has matured and is more seasoned in competitions. Badminton is indeed very competitive. But most importantly is that he enjoys the games. Winning is good but not important unless you aim for sports school or DSA via sports. Balancing studies with sports he enjoys is a blessing of its own - to many, it's only studies and studies. Andre has a fulfilling childhood.

SL

Anonymous said...

I just love reading your post! How I wish I can write so beautifully... Ok, dreaming aside... Andre, WELL DONE!! You have made your parents proud!!

Chris

monlim said...

SL: you've said it. I'm sometimes so sick of it all - the KPIs, the medals, the winning, nothing in school is just about developing the child any more.

I guess it's up to us parents to ensure our kids have a wholesome childhood and not come out of it bitter, kiasu and narrow-minded, like so many adults I see in SG today. And our leaders wonder why Singaporeans are not more gracious!

Chris: Thanks for the encouragement!

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I have been reading your blog on and off and this post truly touched me alot! I can feel a mother's love and helplessness when everything is against our kid just trying their very best.

But yes agreed that competitive sports can mould our children's character with proper guidance. God will bless us! :)

Cecilia

monlim said...

Cecilia: Thanks for the encouragement!

Anonymous said...

Hi Monica

It's me, MD. Just to let you know, I still follow your blog faithfully although I have not left any comments since those DSA days.

My youngest loves playing badminton and last September we signed him up for classes at the CC. This year (he's in P3) he signed up Badminton as a CCA and was recently selected to be in the training squad. Of course, he felt very motivated and delighted and vowed to be the best in Singapore. Haha... Question: How often did Andre go for training? My wife feels that he is having too much currently (twice in school and twice at the CC). But I figure that if he doesn't go for the training, he ends up playing in school or at the playground, which is more of the same - spending time.

monlim said...

MD: Good to hear from you!

The thing about training which I suppose, is true with most other things, is that quality is as important as quantity. In p4 & 5, Andre went for group training at an academy 2x a week, 2hrs each on top of his school training, which was practically non existent, admittedly. However, his skills kinda stagnated right up to the middle/end of p5 when we realised he wasn't getting anywhere and signed him up for one-to-one training (1hr). That's when we saw an improvement. So in p6, we stopped group training altogether and just sent him for one-to-one, 2x a week.

The only problem with one-to-one is that you don't get opportunities to spar with others, it's just technique. After his PSLE, we let him play every Saturday with a friend of mine who's a badminton buff and suddenly, Andre's skills surged again.

In short, I really can't tell you what's enough - it also depends how far you want him to go. Some of the badminton niche schools train everyday and also depending on the coach, this can be useful or not.

Maybe monitor the progress at the CC first (you probably can't escape schl training) and see if it adds real value before you check out other places. Personally, I feel the most important thing at that age is to make sure your kid doesn't lose the love of the sport because of the intensity of training. That happens quite often and is pretty sad.

Anonymous said...

Hi Monica

Thanks for the quick response and a detailed one too! Ok, will monitor and see whether I would need to drop the CC training.

Btw, I went to NZ at almost the same time as you too! Practically visiting and eating at the same places.

cheers
MD

monlim said...

MD: Lol, we could have bumped into each other in NZ without realising it!

Hope to see more comments from you in the future - don't be a stranger :)

Anonymous said...

Will do. Err...I left "comments" in the ST Forum. A few letters. And of course, they were all about PSLE and DSA, what else! If you have read them, you would know my identity! Haha...

cheers
MD

monlim said...

MD: oic - too bad I'm not a reader of ST, haha!

Anonymous said...

Haha...and yet they featured you.


cheers
MD

monlim said...

lol. I know, right? Disloyal customer here...

Anonymous said...

At least I know one of your readers read my letters. She commented on one of your posts using my comments! haha..


MD

monlim said...

MD: you should be v flattered then, your words stuck :)

Anonymous said...

No, I was not flattered. Actually, I was a little "disgusted"...it was word for word. At least use your own words!

MD

monlim said...

MD: Haha, I understand what you mean. I've seen bloggers and once, even a journalist, use my words wholesale! So sad, critical thinking is dead in SG. Gotta resort to plagiarism.

Anonymous said...

Hi Monica

It's me again. Haha..after a long while, but I have been your reading your blog, just never left any comments. Oh, your FB posts too. Time flies since my last comment here. Well, my son is in the school team this year but like you have mentioned about Andre when he was in P5 (my son is in P5 now), his skills have kind of stagnated. We thought of getting him a one-to-one personal coach than to be trained in the CC in a group, on top of his twice a week school training. I thought of you; that perhaps you can introduce a good coach.

Thanks
MD

monlim said...

MD: Good to hear from you! Comment more often lah, then can chat :D Would you like to pm me on the FB page regarding the coach?

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