Top 10 expenses other parents never warned you about

Time for another Top 10 list!

Everybody knows having children is an expensive endeavour. But most new or would-be parents naively believe that their hard-earned money will go to useful things like diapers or clothes or transport, and that they have to save up for a university education.

Wow, are they in for a surprise! Sure, these things cost quite a lot but in reality, the biggest chunk of your precious paycheck won’t be going to these necessities. Long after you’ve completed paying for your kid’s time at Montessori, you’ll be dishing out dough for other stuff, sometimes unwittingly, even willingly.

So what are these curious items? Here is my Top 10 list of where a parent’s money really goes to:

1. Cartoon merchandise

TV is bad for your kids and not just for the reason you think. After your sons become hooked on Ben 10, they will need to live and breathe Ben 10, which means they will need the Ben 10 water bottle, Ben 10 shoes, Ben 10 t-shirt, Ben 10 figurines, and of course the Omnitrix ($49.95! And it doesn’t turn you into monsters or even tell time). Likewise for girls, they must have the Winx Club mini skirt, Winx Club colouring book, Winx Club stationery set, Winx Club lunchbox. And you thought watching tv was free.

2. Tutors

This one is a no-brainer. If you live in Singapore and have kids studying in the Singapore education system, chances are you have caved in to the tuition culture. A Straits Times poll of 100 kids in primary school to JC found that only 3 had no tuition at all (maybe these kids had parents who were tutors). If you’re an English speaking family, lagi worse – sure kenah Chinese tutor. I think half the Chinese nationals here made a beeline for Singapore just to give tuition to our jiak kantang kids. It’s an attractive proposition - primary school fees are only $5.50 a month, tuition is $40 per hour.

3. Tissue

Along with their cousins, paper napkins and kitchen towels. Name a kid who’s not usually wet or dirty or has something in his hands that’s wet or dirty. And if your kid is a boy, chances are he’s a dirt magnet. We have a box of tissue in every room in the house, as well as two in the car and numerous packs in the outing bag. Half the world’s rainforest was probably felled so we could have something convenient to wipe runny noses, sticky mouths and grubby hands. I bet all the people who own shares in Kleenex are parents.

4. Handphones, ipods and other thingamajigs

If you want to spot the newest handphone model or the coolest ipod, just look to teenagers. They’re never the ones who pay for it, but they carry the latest trends while mum and dad hang on to their relic Nokia. (To be fair, it's probably because mum and dad can't figure out how to work that new-fangled thingy). IT is the new fashion icon and since technology dates faster than the speed of light, your kids will be clammering to own the newest gadgets and gidgets to hit the market. My kids are not there yet but it's a ticking time bomb... this is their world.

5. Dentist

I was recently told by Adeline that a full set of braces can cost something like $8,000. To straighten teeth, for Pete’s sake! Of course my kids have wayward teeth, darn it. I’ve suggested to Lesley-Anne and Andre that they learn to smile without showing their bottom teeth so I only need to pay half. And God forbid if you need extra work, like root canals. Dentists must be the only people where we willingly offer money for pain. I imagine dentists and orthodontists hold conventions just to celebrate the rise of the national birth rate. Afterall, their mortgages and fancy cars were probably paid by parents.

6. Little toy cars

Ok, this one generally only applies to boys but they more than make up for it for the other gender. Before I had a son, I never understood why toy stores sold a gazillion different types of miniature vehicles. I mean, a toy car is a toy car, right? Boy, was I off the mark and by a whole different planet. Every boy needs the entire collection of convertibles, sedans, 4-wheel drives, diggers, trucks, vans, buses, taxis and in EVERY SINGLE COLOUR. I would name more except I’m hampered by my limited transportation vocabulary. At the height of his craze, Andre had almost 150 little vehicles and he still complained he didn’t have “the Hong Kong taxi in blue”. By the way, the male species never outgrows this phase – the cars just get bigger.

7. Popular Bookstore

This one I’m naming specifically because it’s not just any bookshop. If studies are to be believed, bookstores in Singapore are a dying business because people are reading less and less. But Popular Bookstore sells books as an afterthought – they’re really all about assessment books and stationery, and that’s a clever business plan if I ever saw one. I have never seen parents so happy to part with their money as they cart off piles of assessment books with the hope that their blur kids will become geniuses overnight. Stationery? Another thing that requires constant replenishment. I’m convinced there’s a Bermuda Triangle somewhere in my living room where erasers, pencils and rulers inexplicable disappear.

8. Correction tape

You might think huh? Correction tape? Which probably means you don’t have in kid older than 8. When students first start using pens in school, usually at p3, they get all excited about leaving their babyish pencils behind. I used to think, good! No more hunting for erasers. Little did I know what Pandora's box I'd opened. Remember the old days when we had to colour on the white paint and wait for it to dry? Now, you just roll it on in a neat white strip, no drying needed. But naturally technology comes at a cost. I buy correction tape by the 6-pack and these last a month if I’m lucky, JUST FOR LESLEY-ANNE. I imagine correction tape companies must cheer when worksheets and test papers are difficult because the kids have to keep correcting their mistakes.

9. Batteries

You'd think it’s the toy that empties your wallet but you’re highly mistaken – it’s the 20,000 batteries you have to keep buying to keep that darn remote control car going. I think toy makers conspire with battery makers to produce toys that suck up battery fluid faster than Andre can polish off a chocolate milkshake. And it’s not just toys – it’s watches, calculators, e-dictionaries and anything else with moving parts. When my kids get Christmas or birthday presents, these three little words strike fear in my heart: Batteries Not Included.

10. Ikea

Another store I’m naming. They’re so clever, these folks at Ikea. Everything is bright and colourful and enticing and with an innocent looking price-tag. With a personal membership book for your little one, big playroom and even kids’ trolleys, you think this is kids heaven. A three-legged lime green stool? Sure! Finger puppets? Why not! Before you know it, you have signed for the delivery of a trundle bed because of its cute giraffe appliqués, along with the matching orange wardrobe that looks like it emerged from some psychedelic cartoon. And we can even have Swedish meatballs before we leave! You know their tagline “You don’t have to be rich to be clever”? They’re probably right because once we enter the store, our IQ drops about 50 points.


I’m as much a victim of these nefarious individuals and companies as the next parent. But it’s a free market and I can’t really complain. Nobody forced me to buy all that stuff right? I just think that the gahmen should get these parties to contribute to the Baby Bonus – afterall, when couples have more children, they’re the ones laughing all the way to the bank.