Timeless - an evening of dance

During the June holidays, the dance studio where Lesley-Anne learns ballet put on a concert. This event is organised once every three years and is a great platform for the students to showcase their talents.

At the last concert in 2009, Lesley-Anne was only in Grade 4 so her dance was a lot simpler. (She looked so cutesy then! Sigh...) Now at Grade 6 going on Grade 7, the choreography for her class incorporates much more sophisticated dance moves.

Have you ever seen black ballet shoes? They're utterly cool.

She participated in two dances in the Timeless concert. The first was a combined jazz number with the Grade 7s and I loved it. Svelte black tights and top hats to Michael Buble's Fever.

 

Coordinated slow splits

Here's a video of that number.  Lesley-Anne is the second to enter from the left after the opening chair sequence.

Lesley-Anne's Grade 6 class also performed another dance, a Chinese one. I didn't like this one as much but I guess it was to showcase the diversity of dances.

There's just something so aesthetically melodious about dance, and letting Lesley-Anne learn ballet was one of the most satisfying decisions we've ever made.  Dance provides her with an outlet for her latent physical expression needs and is the perfect foil to her otherwise lun-zhun nature (unfortunate genetic inheritance from moi).

She loves ballet so much so she's going to continue till she finishes her Grade 8 exam. In fact, she's considering taking up dance as a CCA in JC. More opportunities for performance? That would be awesome.

Steering the education mothership

Education Minister Heng Swee Keat made a speech on the upcoming changes to the education system last week and there were many things in it that made me go "YES!" You can read the full speech here, it's much more comprehensive than in the media reports.

He touched on many points but here are a few that particularly resonated with me:

1) School banding will be abolished with immediate effect (paras 55-56) - YES

For those who don't know, secondary schools used to be banded from 1 to 9 based on their O level results and these figures are published. Although banding was purely by academic results, it gave the impression to parents that the higher the band, the better the school. Following that logic, band 9 schools then must be really terrible, which isn't a fair assessment. By scrapping school banding, MOE is signalling that schools should not be assessed narrowly by academic grades.

Some people people are saying that MOE should then scrap the Cut-Off Point (COP) for each secondary school as well, if we want to eliminate this academic ranking of schools. I don't see how this is possible. P6 students need to see what see what schools they are eligible for based on their PSLE results, so the indicative COP of each school still serves a purpose.

2) School Excellence Award and other similar awards will be scrapped (paras 57-64) - YES

I think the biggest damage to the school system was done when some HR or management idiots decided that it would be a good idea to turn schools into mini factories, by implementing all sorts of accreditation schemes and their accompanying KPIs. Whoever thought you could measure how good a school was with a checklist of ticks and a best practices award should be slapped silly and made to stand in the corner.

Say it with me: education is NOT a business. We saw the effects - teachers had their focus shifted from teaching to administration, principals from running the school to chasing awards. By all means, encourage best practices. But ditch those darn awards.

3) Schools and exams should not be run based on the assumption that students have external tuition (paras 119-123) - YES YES YES

I am so tired of my kids coming home with questions on their exam papers that they haven't been taught how to do. This just creates so much anxiety among parents and exacerbates the tuition culture. Incidentally, briefly running through a method once or twice does NOT constitute teaching. Teaching means going through something extensively enough until most of the students in the class can understand and apply it.

I was so excited to read this para that I had to highlight it:

"MOE can do our part not to contribute to the need for tuition. Our schools and our examinations must not be run on the basis that students will have tuition. Some parents complain that our teachers tell the students to seek answers from their tuition teachers. If this is true, we must put a stop to it."

Why was I so thrilled? Because this is the very first time I've heard MOE acknowledge that they have a part to play in curbing the tuition culture. May not seem like much to some but for me, it's a big step forward. As I've written previously, I've always felt that when the national body for education does not speak out against certain unhealthy practices occurring in the tuition industry, this indirectly encourages the practice to flourish. It's not about legislation or regulation. It's about influencing public mindset through endorsement or rejection.

For too long, MOE has remained silent on the issue of tuition, so going for indiscriminate tuition, whether there is an actual need or not, has become de rigueur, even a badge of honour (especially going to high end tuition centres). By publicly denouncing such practices, they are reducing the positive attachments, hopefully causing parents to give pause before embarking on such a practice. Tuition centres will also think twice before taking out full page advertisements trumpeting the names of their top students.

Of course there will always be kiasu parents who will not change their ways, come hell or high water. But we have to stop rewarding their behaviour and it's about time we held up the non-kiasu parents as the ones to emulate and support.


I don't know about you but I was very heartened by this speech. Minister Heng seems to understand the depth of the challenges involved and addressed issues that would block the path on which he's trying to steer this mammoth education mothership. I like that he didn't just glibly promise changes to score brownie points with parents. In fact, he didn't mince words when asserting the rights of teachers over unreasonable parents. I'm so over politicians trying to be politically correct - let's just say it as it is.

Some issues are impossible to solve overnight and declaring instant measures would simply be irresponsible. For example, I know many people are calling for the PSLE to be abolished. I, for one, agree there's no need to subject 12-year-olds to this stressful and largely meaningless exam.

However, it's easier said than done. Suka suka abolish one meh? Off the top of my head, I can instantly think of several repercussions this might cause. What if you abolish PSLE and suddenly, 70% of the p6 kids decide they want to study at schools like RGS and RI (because they don't believe the MOE slogan "Every School a Good School")? So who gets in? Ballot ah? Unfair (not to mention chaotic). Proximity to school? Wah, watch property prices in Bukit Timah and Bishan skyrocket. What's likely to happen is popular schools will hold their own entrance exams. Tuition centres will offer prep courses. Enterprising individuals will hawk top school entrance exam papers. Cramming. Tuition. Sounds familiar? It's PSLE 2.0.

Some people say get rid of the PSLE and revert to a 10-year through train education from p1. In principle, I agree with this but this is feasible only if you're designing an education system from scratch. With current schools in place, how to execute? How do we decide which primary school should be linked to which secondary school? For example, if MOE decides that Tanjong Katong Primary School students will now move directly to Dunman High and there's a mad surge in admissions to the former, then how? The bottleneck will be shifted downwards from sec 1 to p1. As if there isn't already enough stress over p1 registration.

In short, there are no simple solutions and anyone who suggests otherwise is being naive. I'm glad MOE is taking it step by step rather than announcing big, grand schemes that have not been properly thought through. One of my biggest bugbears of gahmen policies is that they are sometimes implemented as if they exist in isolation. More often than not, one gahmen policy will impact on something else, sometimes an area not under the purview of the same Ministry *cough immigrationandhousing*.

My gut feel is that MOE is considering eliminating PSLE but they're looking at the issue from all angles to see if there is a painless way of killing this sacred cow (insert all the Mr Brown sacred cow jokes).

Disclaimer: I don't have connections with any MOE officials or hear anything from the grapevine, so don't bet on it! This is pure guesswork on my part.

At the end of the day, execution is key. What I found encouraging about the speech was the direction MOE seems to be taking, towards a more holistic, less competitive and academic-focused type of education. Some people remain critical but I don't see how constantly pouring cold water on efforts or declaring "you just watch, nothing will happen!" is helpful. Even if you're right, how is that constructive? There's a world of difference between being smart and being a smart-ass.

I know these are just baby steps but instead of saving my happiness for the improbable time when the glass is totally full, I prefer to be thankful for small victories.

We're not there yet, that much is for sure. But at least we're that bit closer.

Run-up to PSLE

The one-week school holidays just ended but if you ask Andre about it, he's likely to answer, "what school holidays??"

Can't blame him, really. He's had to attend supplementary classes in school for three days in addition to finishing the homework teachers have dished out. It's the final stretch to the PSLE (slightly over two weeks to the first paper, 5 days to the listening comprehension exams) and the school has been going at it in full force.

At home, I had a sudden surge of panic when we realised how close the PSLE was. I know there are parents who plan for this momentous event months in advance... we're not those parents. We're the "oh we still have time let's get some ice cream and have a movie night OMG PSLE IS IN 30 DAYS!!" kind of parents. And we wonder where our kids got their habit of procrastination from.

It's not that Andre hasn't been doing any revision. But while he has been ploughing through his fair share of exam papers, it's definitely not at the intensity of some other kids. In fact, when I compare what he has been doing with Lesley-Anne during her PSLE preparations three years ago, his is undoubtedly more relaxed. Back then, Lesley-Anne was doing as many as four exam papers (one for each subject) every day, in the run-up to PSLE. Whereas for Andre, I only recently started making him do one paper, at most one-and-a-half, a day.

Why the double standard? Perhaps one reason is that I got lazy. And tired. Hey, setting papers means somebody has to mark them and go through the mistakes. Guess who that lucky somebody is.

However, I also like to think that I'm tailoring the pace to each child's capacity. Lesley-Anne's tolerance level for gruelling, repetitive seatwork is way higher than Andre's. It has less to do with ability than personality.

I think we need to realise that even for something like revision, it's different strokes for different folks. Sure, practice makes perfect but for an active child like Andre, if I were to coerce him into spending hours at his desk doing paper after paper, I suspect at some point, diminishing returns would take place, ie instead of performing better, he would actually be so mentally drained that he would make more mistakes. Worst case scenario? Burn out.

So what I've been doing instead is making him do revision in short bursts of time, usually an hour at a go. In between these revision periods, he goes outside to get his daily dose of exercise - anything from badminton and basketball to swimming and table tennis, even mini ping pong!

Exercise clears his mind, helps him release his pent-up energy and gets him refreshed for more studying. And yes, he still watches tv daily although he has voluntarily given up computer games till after the exams.

I don't know if this is the best way of handling PSLE preparations, I just go on my gut feel. But for this past month (after the aforementioned panic attack), I've sort of adopted a que sera sera attitude and I thought I would write this note of encouragement to my friends and readers with PSLE kids this year.

You see, I figure that since I've been praying for a miraculous surge of scholarly brilliance in Andre for the past few years and it has yet to happen, it's unlikely to occur within the next three weeks.

Too often, we give ourselves ulcers over things that we can do absolutely nothing about (I'm extremely guilty of this). We can only do what we think is right and trust that God knows best. He really does. For now, we can barely look past the dreaded exams whereas God has already planned our children's entire education journey, their career path, every step to their last days on earth. Funny how relinquishing control to God is often the hardest thing to do, yet it is also the easiest.

I'm just thankful that Andre has shown a remarkably good attitude towards his revisions, and that he still eats well and sleeps well. Beyond that, we're leaving the rest to God.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11

Brothers and sisters

During the week of the PSLE oral exams, Lesley-Anne had an event that kept her late in school everyday. By the time she reached home, it would be way past Andre's bedtime, so the two of them hardly saw each other.

The night before Andre's oral exam, Lesley-Anne called home from school at 8.45pm and asked to speak to him. She gave him some tips, assured him that he would be fine and said that she was praying for him. After the call, I could tell that Andre was very comforted and much more at ease.

I thought it was a lovely gesture. Lesley-Anne is definitely a better big sister than I ever was and it reflected the close relationship between the siblings. When Lesley-Anne went on a one-week OBS trip earlier this year, Andre moped around like a lost puppy and was terribly upset if he missed her call at night.

There's just something very special about sibling relationships. There are few people you will count on more or share the most private secrets with than a close sibling. With my kids, I made a conscious decision very early on that I would try and help them achieve this bond. It doesn't come naturally (in fact, sibling rivalry is probably more intuitive), it's a deliberate effort. I won't pretend to be an expert but common sense tells me that there are a few things you can do, like treat all your kids fairly, praise them for efforts to help each other and never pit one against another.

One of the statements I made a point of never telling Lesley-Anne is, "Give in to him, he's younger." I used to resent that as a child, I had to give in to my younger sister simply based on something as random as birth order and it created a lot of disharmony (happily, my sister and I are great friends now). Likewise, don't tell your younger child something like, "Korkor gets to choose first because he's older." Where's the logic in that? Much better to say, "This time he gets to choose first, next time is your turn." For most kids, fairness is very important.

Don't be misled into thinking that my kids never fight. Of course they do, I've not met any siblings who don't. Some of their arguments get so heated that they degenerate into physical brawls. I have learned to tune out the "Mummy, she hit me!" "No, he hit me first!" allegations. My philosophy is, if you start the fight, you end it. Don't involve me. If you do, there's a likelihood that everybody will get punished for disrupting my computer time.

Fights between the two of them are inevitable, considering they're so different in almost every way possible. However, I have come to realise that their differences are a blessing in disguise as they actually reduce sibling rivalry. If you notice, sibling rivalry tends to be strongest among same-sex children close in age with similar preferences or abilities. It's natural cos it's you tend to compare kids who are similar. And as parenting book author Elizabeth Fishel said, "Comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony."

Basically, we need to show our kids that we love each of them equally for who they are and accept that every child has his or her own talents. Correct mistakes without making them feel like they don't match up to a sibling. When kids feel secure and unthreatened by others, they will naturally be more open to sharing their space and more willing to celebrate their siblings' successes.

We tell our kids to support each other in their endeavours and we follow this up by bringing Andre to Lesley-Anne's concerts, and Lesley-Anne to Andre's badminton matches. They cheer each other on and are genuinely happy for the other person's achievements.

If you want more tips on how to promote sibling affection, there are many online articles available. Here's one (the first article in the link) which I quite like - it's succinct and practical.

"There is a little boy inside the man who is my brother... Oh, how I hated that little boy. And how I love him too." - Anna Quindlan

When a haircut becomes breaking news

So by now, I think most of you would have read the Straits Times story of a mother who was so outraged by the teacher who cut her son's hair that she filed a police report.

I was asked how I felt about it and my initial thought was huh? Come on, this is non-news. Must be a slow news day at ST.

But if you really want to know, I think it was simply a case of overreaction all around.

The teacher taking matters into her own hands and cutting the boy's hair - overreaction

The mother making a police report - overreaction

The boy crying and staying home from wushu for 2 days - overreaction

MOE making the teacher apologise and asking the parents to forgive her - overreaction

Really, do we take ourselves so seriously these days that we have to respond so drastically to every small matter? Or is it just a result of too much stress that we have lost all sense of reason?

I have great empathy for teachers - they don't have an easy job and the hardest part is probably dealing with parents. However, I do think this teacher didn't pick the smartest course of action. It's just before the crucial PSLE oral exam - why would you mess with the boy's mental state then? I agree that if the boy had been given warnings beforehand, he probably had it coming. It was a common punishment a generation ago and I just found out that some schools in Singapore still practise this. I disagree less with the act than the timing.

As for the mother, well, I don't think she did herself any favours by going to the police. Auntie ah, police report is for criminal cases hor. Next time your handphone gets stolen, may the police be too busy questioning a teacher for not letting a student go for PE.

Her mention of the $60 haircut for her son also cemented in people's minds, stereotypes about rich parents and their brats. I don't want to judge cos I don't know them. All I can say is, maybe she should sue Reds Hair Salon for an overpriced haircut that didn't meet school standards.

You want to know the irony of ironies? The PSLE Chinese oral conversation topic that day was, "Which is the school rule you dislike the most?" I shouldn't laugh. I really shouldn't.

This incident has created an uproar among netizens and I see many comments along the lines of "in my time, we would accept our punishment uncomplainingly and we all turned out fine! The new generation is a bunch of wussies!"

I always get impatient with "in my time stories" because people somehow like to romanticise the past. The past was not all rainbows and Care Bears. I still have emotional scars from tyrannic teachers who thought it was fun to terrorise kids because they knew we'd be too afraid to tell our parents. Or maybe our parents didn't file police reports cos it's hard to take seriously mata who wore shorts.

But back to serious business. I think the reason why people are so indignant is that this incident is symptomatic of the increasing lack of respect for teachers... and that's a real problem. Some parents don't just question teachers, they teach their kids that it's ok to defy teachers. In this case, even the principal and MOE seem to be condoning the mother's disdain for the teacher.

What parents don't realise is that by undermining the teacher's authority, they're actually sabotaging their kids' education. Compounding this problem is the fact that some parents (and even principals) expect teachers to treat their students as customers. This is just wrong. Students are not customers, they are charges. You give a customer what he wants, you give a charge what he needs. If the charge needs to be disciplined, he should be, in a fair and appropriate manner.

I think people often confuse respect with rightness. Students should learn respect for their teachers, not because the latter is always right. The same way that we expect our kids to respect us, even though we sometimes make wrong decisions or do stupid things, so should our kids accord respect to teachers. It's a right teachers have earned simply for who they are and what they do.

Only when we understand and abide by this principle, then can our teachers be empowered to do the enormous job they've been tasked with - educate our kids.

"Tell me about your school turtle"

So PSLE finally begins, with the oral exams last Thursday and Friday. Oral with Andre is a touch-and-go affair as it depends largely whether the topic given can trigger his imagination. Even though the weightage for the oral component (especially for Chinese) is pretty high, it tends to get relatively little attention. I know his school hardly practises oral with students except closer to the exams and I tend to neglect it with Andre as well, simply because I have no idea how to go about it.

Thursday was his Chinese oral. My heart sank when Andre came home looking upset and said it was quite difficult. The picture was a road scene which was not something he had practised much with his tutor. He couldn't use any of the phrases he had learned and he didn't know the Chinese names for a couple of items in the picture.

For the conversation topic, the examiner asked, "What are the school rules you like and dislike the most?" I thought this was a very odd question and my first reaction was pure relief - that Andre actually understood the phrase "校规"! (As you can tell, the Chinese standard in this household is not very high).

My heart almost stopped when he told me that initially, he didn't hear the teacher's question clearly and thought she was asking something about turtles. Thank God he asked her to repeat the question as I wouldn't put it past him to start rattling on about turtles. Phew.

His reply? He liked how you can't cross the roads in school until the teacher directing traffic indicated that you could as that showed the school's concern and care for the students. The rule he liked the least was that even after the exams, you're not allowed to talk in class.

I was rather impressed, not that his answers were particularly insightful, but by his ability to think on his feet. If it was me, I'm pretty sure I would have been stumped. I thought the second answer was hilarious - I hope the examiners were entertained!

Friday was English oral and according to him, it went ok. The picture showed a charity foodfair and the conversation topic was a school activity that he had participated in. He spoke about taking part in the school's funfair and when asked what he learned from it, his answer was teamwork.

So for now, this part of the PSLE is over. I don't think it went as well as he'd hoped but I'm fully aware that it could have been worse. Much worse.

Please be graciously mind your language

It all started when I saw Mr Brown's blogpost about an SMS Transit sign. Reproducing the picture here in case you're too lazy to click on the link:

Aiyoh, my eyes hurt.

I've been lamenting for the longest time that our English standards are declining. The clearest sign of this is when official channels start using bad English. I'm not talking about your neighbourhood kopitiam or your bubble tea shop. I'm referring to organisations like SBS Transit and town councils. Check out this sign, also from Mr Brown:

For Pete's sake, is it too much to ask that someone with a reasonable standard of English vet these signs before they're put up? I've seen a banner outside a CC that read "Commimunity Centre". Maybe committees hold meetings at that community centre.

Sometimes, I suspect people have gotten so used to reading superficially, amidst the barrage of information, that words have lost their meaning. In the MRT the other day, I saw this advertisement:

What does "it" refer to? Time? Money? It doesn't matter anyway cos it would still be wrong. You can keep your meeting short and sweet, you can't keep time short and sweet. I understand it's referring to the bond fund but it's not mentioned in the sentence and you can't keep a fund short and sweet either. I wonder if the advertiser just thought the tagline sounded catchy and used it without realising it didn't make any sense.

And then, there's the local media. Mediacorp is one of the worst culprits of bad English - I've lost count of the number of times I've spotted mistakes in their news commentary and ticker tape. We used to be able to rely on the Straits Times as being the pillar of good English but not anymore. I don't read the Straits Times regularly but I picked up an issue to see if I could catch them out. It took me all of 10 minutes to spot this error:

Can you see the mistake? It should be "has" after "his estate", not "have". It's a grammar rule that's taught to primary school kids. Granted, this is not a huge error but this is the national newspaper we're talking about. That's what editors and sub-editors are for.

If you want to see more grammatical errors in the Straits Times, check out this blog. Some of the errors are really unforgivable.

When I speak to corporate employers, they all sing the same refrain: the new generation of workers is unable to speak and write English competently. Forget about being able to compose fancy marketing speak, it would appear that even stringing a grammatical sentence together is a challenge for some. Some marketing agencies even tell me they've switched from hiring Singaporeans to Hong Kongers because the latter have a better grasp of English.

For shame. What's the point of boasting about our high level of distinctions in the national exams when it doesn't translate into a better grasp of English? It's our first language afterall.

Maybe the answer lies in re-examining the way English is taught in schools as well as better training for English teachers. In the meantime, perhaps posting errors on sites like Mr Brown is the way to go. I'm sure such publicity will motivate establishments to check their signs and publications more conscientiously.

What patriotism means to me

Last week, Feng Tianwei made history for Singapore at the Olympics by winning the singles bronze medal in table tennis. The way she played was inspirational - you could tell that she put in everything she had. Yet, after that tremendous effort, you once again have your detractors determined to put a dampener on things by dredging up the tired old issue of FTs on online forums.

I usually dislike reading these forums as the level of debate there can be so shallow. These netizens conveniently paint everyone with undiscerning strokes of the brush. FTs = bad. Singaporeans = good. Singaporeans who dare say anything remotely in defence of FTs = gahmen lackeys. They often revel in their cloak of anonymity, thinking that gives them the freedom to unleash their taunts laced with spite. Sometimes, I can barely believe these are my fellow Singaporeans, they've become so ungracious and mean-spirited.

Look, I'll be the first to say I think the government handled the whole immigration policy badly. Basically they opened the floodgates and country was not prepared - neither the people nor the infrastructure. Certainly, the grovelling attitude made matters worse. It reinforced the superior mentality in some FTs and antagonised the locals. I think since the General Election, the government has recognised its mistake and is trying to make amends but many Singaporeans see it as too little, too late.

Nevertheless, the fact remains that the FTs who did come to Singapore and take up citizenship, they're already here. And many of them are ordinary folks like you and I, trying to make a life for themselves. What is the point of continuously casting them in the villain's role? These are human beings, not robots to be treated like punching bags.

Forums have always complained that the table tennis FTs came to Singapore but failed to deliver. Now that Feng Tianwei has won, they're claiming that she was playing for herself, not Singapore. Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

Here's my conclusion: Haters will always find something to hate. They don't seek to build up, they seek to tear down. Some people just need a target for their vitriol and they don't realise that it reflects badly on themselves. The forums that thrive on fanning the flames of discord are horribly irresponsible, in my opinion.

They say these FTs have no ties here, they have no loyalty to Singapore. But from what I see on the Internet, some of the worst, most disloyal, anti-Singapore comments come from Singaporeans. They think nothing of bashing their own country on the world wide web, for all to see.

It's like the spoilt child syndrome. They complain about the food they get, the clothes they wear and the toys they're given. Yet when their parents give an adopted child a toy, they shriek "it's mine! how dare you give it away!" Birthright does not entitle one to behave like a hooligan. Some Singaporeans seriously need to shed that entitled mentality.

I used to have a colleague who would gripe about her job everyday. She would complain that she had no prospects there, how it sucked that she had to work Saturdays, how her boss wasn't fair, how her job was not fulfilling, blah blah. When she was finally promoted, she whined, "now they'll expect me to work harder." The gall of it all. I never had the courage to ask her but I constantly wondered, "if you hate it so much here, why don't you just leave?"

Every country has its inadequacies. All things considered, ours isn't so bad. Patriotism isn't about hating foreigners or denying its problems, it's about being proud of your country regardless. Just as you wouldn't put your family down in front of others (no matter how much you disagreed with them), it isn't cool to be constantly talking smack about your country.

I don't agree with some of our government policies but the fact remains that I love my country. The government is NOT the country. If we choose to earn a living, raise a family and make a home here, then we should at least have the grace to appreciate it for what it is, blips and all.

It's National Day on Thursday. Beyond the parade, the flags, the public holiday, I hope a fire burns in your heart for our beautiful nation.

Happy birthday, Singapore ♥

Mind your Qs

Recently, a cousin of mine came over to visit with her 75-year-old mum. Throughout the visit when we were showing them around our estate, Andre held his grandaunt's hand and walked slowly beside her. Later, my cousin commented that Andre was very good with the elderly.

That comment surprised me as I'd never thought of Andre being particularly adept with the elderly. I have noticed however, that he seems to have this natural knack for looking after others. Whenever my good friends Isabelle and Joon visit with their two toddlers (or when we visit them), Andre will automatically assume the role of the big "korkor" and entertain the kiddos, much to their delight.

He'll share his toy taxi collection...

... and even bring them on a ride in their wagon.

For a long time now, we've known that Andre is very much a people person. I don't think he can explain it in so many words but often, he seems to understand intuitively what others need. For instance, there's a boy in Andre's class with a serious skin disorder that afflicts his entire body. He has to apply this ointment that leaves a sticky residue and many kids are repelled by this. In fact, some of the kids have called him "Monster" which obviously upsets the poor boy. Kids can be so cruel.

When Andre told me he sometimes sits next to this boy and just be his friend, I thought it was very sweet of him.

A few months back, I read a Forbes online article entitled "Intelligence is Overrated: What You Really Need to Succeed". Essentially, it states that while IQ is often used as a criterion for climbing the corporate ladder, it is actually your other "intelligences" - emotional, moral and body - that are bigger determinants of financial success.

I found this statement particularly interesting:

"Nobel Prize winning Israeli-American psychologist, Daniel Kahneman, found that people would rather do business with a person they like and trust rather than someone they don’t, even if the likeable person is offering a lower quality product or service at a higher price."

Once, a friend of mine, who's a badminton fan, invited Andre to join him at a game at Sengkang Recreation Centre. Andre was terribly excited by the invite and at first wanted to ask his best friend who stays at Sengkang along. After some thought though, he told Kenneth, "No, I better not. It's not my court, it won't be nice."

That's when Kenneth told me, he was less worried about Andre's future because here's a boy with EQ.

As you probably know by now, I constantly worry about Andre, especially academically. Even though I know academics is not everything in life, it's hard to shed the mother hen complex. But when I hear how Andre tries to be a good friend to others, it warms my heart and it goes a long way in assuaging my concerns.

In life, there really are few qualities as important as kindness to others. Perhaps Andre's the one who's gotten it right all along.

The final answer is...

Andre is now in the thick of PSLE revision, counting down to the dreaded exam (2 and a half months) and as you can imagine, it's a very painful period for everyone involved.

To me, it's a total waste of a year. He hardly learned anything new - the entire year is practically spent trying to perfect exam techniques by doing exam papers ad nauseum. And for what? PSLE is essentially just a glorified, high-stakes school placement test. It's extremely meaningless and experience-diminishing.

Not to mention, the stress has turned my happy-go-lucky boy into a snappish, angsty pre-teen. I can't wait for it to be over.

In the course of PSLE preparation, there are times when I've despaired over Andre's off-the-wall answers to exam paper questions. In Science, for example, there was a question: "Why are the butterfly chrysalises either brown or green?"

His reply: "Depends whether they ate brown or green plants."

Sometimes, his command of the English language lands him in trouble, like his answer to this question: "Why is it not advisable for a man to place plants in the room where he sleeps?"

His reply: "The plants will fight the man for oxygen."

Wah, monster plants, like Little Shop of Horrors.

One particular question stuck out in my memory. Andre was doing an English paper and as part of the comprehension cloze passage where you have to fill in appropriate words in the blanks, there was this sentence:

"The Trojan war was fought against the city of Troy in Asia Minor which is __________ -day Turkey."

The correct word for the blank is "modern". Andre however, took one look at "day" and "Turkey" (never mind that it's capitalised) and filled in "Thanksgiving".

I know I was yelling at him while shrieking in laughter at the same time. Talk about comic relief.

On a more serious note, I know it's PSLE fatigue when he cares more about getting the work done than getting it right. I'm despairing over his immaturity, yet part of me resents the fact that I have to force him to jump through hoops. And I know I'm not the only one going through this angst. You can usually spot the mum with a PSLE kid cos she's the one who looks the most frazzled.

This is even more so if her child is a boy. Generally speaking, boys mature later. Many of the boys in Andre's class talk and behave like 7-year-olds while the girls look like they've got their future all planned out. In that sense, PSLE favours girls because it calls for extreme discipline, meticulous care and the patience to do repetitive tasks over and over again.

My brother-in-law who has taught Sunday school for secondary level kids, recounts that the girls are usually very socially clued in whereas the boys, especially at sec 1, seem not to know what they're doing there and appear to live on their own planet. Only when they hit sec 3 or 4 (or even later), the boys will suddenly wake up and then outshine the girls.

I realise that we're sometimes in a hurry for our kids to grow up, for silly reasons like the PSLE. We let the system dictate the timetable of our kids' maturity, which is just wrong.

So I'm trying to tell myself to let Andre mature at his own pace. Instead of wishing away his innocence, I should enjoy it while it lasts. It will disappear soon enough.