Colour my world

I always thought I knew Lesley-Anne inside out but the day before her 18th birthday, she shared with me something about herself that caused a little explosion in my head. She told me she had synesthesia.

You're probably thinking, "Syne-what??" I know, I said the same thing.

Background: since Lesley-Anne was very young (maybe about 6 or 7), she has told me that she sees letters and numbers in colour. Because it was always mentioned in passing, I'd never taken it seriously. I've even told her I feel the same as I do think that an 'A' looks better in red than in yellow, for example. However, I didn't know that in her case, it was almost literal - she sees specific letters in specific colours in her mind.

Just to clarify, it's not a case of mistaking colours. When she reads a book, she knows it's black print on white paper. However, she occasionally gets flashes of a word in colour and if she pictures a letter or word in her head, it's in colour. And the colours (with their specific shades) she associates with those letters are unchanging over time eg. 'A' and 'M' are always red, 'D' is green. I told her to type out for me the letters in the actual colours she sees in her head, and here they are:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Lower case letters are one shade lighter than their capitalised companions.

However, she sees the individual colours only for letters. Words work a little differently because when we read, we process words, not individual letters. So when she sees a word, the colour tends to be the one most prominent in the word or the first letter of the word, especially if it's capitalised. Eg Mummy has three 'M's so it appears red to her.

But what was astonishing to me (and Lesley-Anne) was that she never realised that it was an actual neurological condition with a name. She thought everyone else experienced the same thing, partly because I had been nonchalant about it. Trying to justify my reaction now, I told her, "well, would you have preferred growing up thinking you were abnormal?" Although throughout the conversation when she was explaining to me what she experienced, I told her she was weird several times. Making up for lost time.

How she found out was that she casually mentioned it to a classmate. Her classmate told her, "You see what? Oh, it's called synesthesia!" (She was stunned that her friend knew this and her friend was equally stunned that Lesley-Anne didn't.) So apparently, there are many kinds of synesthesia, which is a neurological phenomenon where the stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to an involuntary experience in another pathway. Some people see colours when they hear certain sounds, others associate them with specific tastes. You can read some of the theories of how synesthesia develops here. Lesley-Anne has grapheme-colour synesthesia, which is one of the more common forms of synesthesia - associating colours with letters and numbers. I found an interesting first person account of how synesthesia helped him with spelling here.

Incidentally, the colour she associates with each letter would be different from someone else with synesthesia. That's why when she sees signs where each letter in a word is coloured differently, that bugs her because the shades would not be the same colours she associates the letters with. It's kinda like imposing your synesthesia on others. If you suspect you might have synesthesia, here's a free online test you can take.

Anyway, that's how I discovered something completely new about my daughter, just before her 18th birthday. And coincidentally, since we're on the topic of colours, this was one of the gifts Kenneth and I got her this year:

Adult colouring books are all the rage now and we thought it would be a great gift for her to de-stress, since she's under so much pressure this year. There are many such books in the market, we chose this one - Color Me Happy. It's really great value. You get 100 intricate pictures to colour in and the pages are made from thick, quality paper to minimise bleeding if you use markers.

Lesley-Anne tried out a page and she loved it. She said it was very therapeutic. It does make me happy just looking at the vibrant shades. (Tip: you can get a set of 30 markers for just $2 at Daiso!)

So my baby girl is now 18. She can now legally drink and drive (separately, not together), not that she's inclined to do either. "I got EZ-link card, no need to drive!" she declared. When Kenneth offered her a sip of shandy ("only 0.5% alcohol!"), she made a face and declined. She really is a guai kia.

Happy birthday, Lesley-Anne! May God release rainbow hues of blessings on you and may your life always be colourful ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Why villainising GEP does no one any good

The GEP has recently come under attack once again and many people have been quick to jump on the bandwagon. One of them is NCMP Yee Jenn Jong of the Worker's Party who propose scrapping the programme. You can read his piece here.

Every time I hear of such calls, I feel indignant, especially when it's clear to me that the person asking for it actually has very little understanding of the programme. I don't presume to judge Jenn Jong's intentions but his piece is so rife with error that I feel compelled to dispute it.

What GEP's really about

First and most importantly, the GEP is NOT about accelerated learning for the PSLE. It is a curriculum that is designed to stretch the minds of intellectually gifted kids, to pique their curiosity and expose them to a series of topics that is usually beyond the conceptual level of mainstream kids. While it still teaches the PSLE syllabus, it covers a heck of a lot of out-of-syllabus stuff.

Eg. for English, the kids learn different genres of texts, such as crime, biographies, etc and are taught to write in these styles. For maths, the kids learn things like ancient number systems, Fibonacci numbers and nth term series. Intellectually gifted kids are able to grasp and enjoy this level of challenge precisely because it's pegged at their level of ability and tailored to how their brains work.

The GEP does not hothouse kids for the PSLE. In fact, it might surprise most to know that because of the expanded curriculum, significantly less time is allocated to PSLE drilling compared to mainstream classes. Only in term 3 of p6 do the GEP kids get down to doing extensive exam papers in preparation for this exam. Therefore, it's ludicrous to say, "see, the GEP isn't effective cos the GEP kids don't do better in the PSLE than mainstream kids." That's not the purpose of the GEP to begin with and rightly so.

I find it contradictory that some of the critics of our exam system who lambast it for being uncreative and rigid then turn around and accept the very benchmark they criticise as the yardstick for ability.

Second, there's a lot of misunderstanding about the concept of "gifted kids". As we all know, there are many types of gifts - music, sports, art, etc. Intellectually gifted is one of these gifts. I'd written about this way back in 2008 here. Researchers refer to the intellectually gifted as the top 1% in a cohort where the giftedness manifests itself at about age 9 and that's why MOE restricts the GEP to 1% and why the test is done at the end of p3. It's certainly not an arbitrary figure aimed at grooming a bunch of elitists.

I think the problem in our society is that academic smarts is prized so highly, above all else. When we have a special music programme for music talents or a sports programme for sports prodigies, no one clammers to get in or rants about the injustice that only a select group can gain entry. Yet there has been hue and cry over the GEP and its "unfairness" that only 1% have access to it.

I see it clearly because I have one child who's intellectually gifted and one who's not. And it's important to know that I don't consider one better than the other. I recognise that they have different talents and I also know that the GEP is not suitable for someone like Andre.

Simply put, the curriculum is not designed for kids like him and if we are to force MOE's hand to extend the GEP to significantly more than 1%, in other words, include kids who are not intellectually gifted, we're pushing kids into a programme that does not benefit them. In fact, they will likely feel stressed out and maybe develop low self-esteem cos the curriculum is beyond them.

The value of GEP

Why is the GEP necessary to begin with? Mainly because studies have shown that gifted kids who don't have access to special programmes for them generally display negative outcomes. They either dumb themselves down to fit in with others or become social outcasts because they're considered "weird", and they end up under-achieving. I won't elaborate as I've written about it before here.

Again, to use the same parallel, you'll be better able to help a music prodigy's talents blossom under a specialised programme than in a mainstream curriculum. Likewise, intellectually gifted kids are more productive in a programme tailored for them. I saw this first-hand with Lesley-Anne.

The GEP offers the kind of education intellectually gifted kids need. The problems people have with GEP are issues like labelling, the seeming exclusiveness, elitism, etc, which actually have nothing to do with the efficacy of the programme itself.

Some may argue that gifted kids already have a genetic advantage and therefore should not be given differentiated education but this to me, sounds Communist and smacks of reverse discrimination. Calling for the GEP to be scrapped for the sake of superficial equality is meaningless and benefits no one. I think sometimes, the GEP is an easy target and political one cos it benefits only 1%. If you call for it to be abolished, you'll probably get 99% of the popular vote. But it doesn't make it right.

To me, the solution is MORE differentiated learning, not less. Ideally, we should have different pathways tailored towards those good in sports, those good in art, those good in maths, good in English, etc. I know we now have SOTA and the Sports School but I guess the difference is that these are available only at the secondary school level. While I don't endorse specialisation at too young an age as some of these talents and interests take time to develop, perhaps there could be more avenues to identify and cultivate a diversity of talents in primary school instead of the relentless and narrow focus on the four examinable subjects.

Bringing back the true purpose of GEP

In the meantime, what can we do about the bad rep of GEP? One of the areas I feel MOE can re-examine is the GEP's associated privileges. GEP kids are given advantages such as access to a special DSA category (while it doesn't guarantee you a DSA spot, it certainly increases your chances compared to mainstream kids applying through the Academic route) and an EESIS scholarship if you get to a secondary school with a School-based Gifted Programme (SBGE).

It's privileges like these that have raised the desirability of the GEP and spurred many parents to treat it as the instant highway to success. This has led to a proliferation of GEP coaching classes which I've always maintained, sabotage the integrity and intent of the GEP, and possibly skew the population of students who enter the programme.

Attitudes don't help either. GEP students tend to be treated as prized possessions in a school (possibly cos they're expected to turn in stellar results for the school). I've heard that the GEP classes in one school are housed in the only air-conditioned block. I know some teachers constantly compare GEP and non-GEP kids in all areas, which only serves to create a very unhealthy rivalry (I'd written about it here).

So my suggestion is this: revert back to the main objective of the GEP and that is to provide a type of education that allows the intellectually gifted to thrive. Remove the associated privileges and then maybe we'll be able to cool the GEP fever. We need parents, teachers and students to accept that the GEP is not "superior", just different. Only this mindset can evoke real collaboration and teamwork.

This is my first article on the GEP in a long time as Lesley-Anne has graduated from primary school for almost 3 years now. So in that sense, I've no vested interests in defending the programme. If anything, I'm opening myself up to attacks from naysayers. However, as a parent whose child has experienced the GEP, I see its tremendous value and I feel strongly enough to speak up for it. I know other GEP parents who feel the same way.

As a friend said, the angst possibly comes about because the current mainstream primary school syllabus is so stifling and far from ideal, that the GEP becomes an even more attractive route. I agree - I've often wished that Andre had the opportunity to experience an education system that was less rigid and encouraged his creativity.

The way forward then is to focus on improving the mainstream syllabus, not attacking the GEP. Let's not degrade ourselves to the point where if we can't have the ideal situation for all, then everyone should be equally miserable. Scrapping the GEP would be cutting off the nose to spite the face - everybody loses.

Schools, national exams... and unconditional love

As academic year 2011 came to a close, we received good news: Andre managed to get 3rd in class!

For those of you who have been following my blog, you will probably understand why this is such a happy surprise for us. Academics has never been Andre's strength and this prize was all the more unexpected because we've been so busy moving house that I haven't been breathing down his throat as much for the final SA2. My friend Lilian pointed out that Andre seems to perform better when he's left to his own devices. Not sure if that's true but it certainly reduces the stress for both of us!

I'm unspeakably grateful for this prize, more so because I'm hoping it will motivate Andre to work harder next year - the dreaded PSLE year. I'm so not looking forward to it. If I could take a pill and fast forward time till after the exam, I would.

Recently, I ran into a friend, who's the father of Lesley-Anne's p6 classmate, Ryan. His younger son just finished the PSLE this year and he said it was probably the worst time in his life. Everyday leading up to the exam, the boy would bring home a thick wad of exam papers to be completed and both father and son would stare despairingly at the stack (father is expected to mark the papers - brings a sadistic twist to the phrase "partnering parents in education").

He said it was a nightmare, especially since his younger son is not half as motivated as his elder brother. In fact, he thought both Ryan and Lesley-Anne spoilt the market with their work ethic. As he was tearing his hair out, pleading with his second child, it dawned on him, "So THAT'S what PSLE preparation is really like!"

I sympathised with him and when he heard that Andre would be doing his PSLE next year, I'm sure he's sending sympathies my way.

We've all heard it before - the PSLE has become such a high stakes exam that the pressure to do well overwhelms everything else. No one can escape - the kids, the teachers, the parents. So intensive is the preparation for the PSLE that it leaves an indelible scar on everyone. I suspect part of the reason why IP schools are so popular is because we all remember vividly the horrors of the PSLE and want to avoid another national exam.

Ryan's dad told me that after the PSLE, he just had 2 goals for his son: to retain his self-esteem and love for learning. Coming from a school teacher, I appreciate the wisdom. It's so easy to lose both in our education system.

We were discussing how even some of the kids in the best schools, who are probably the top 2% of the cohort, still feel insecure about their own abilities. Eg, I've heard how kids from the Raffles schools feel inferior because they couldn't get into the Raffles Academy.

This is seriously screwed up. It seems like our education system constantly tells our kids that they're not good enough. I've said this before - some schools, particularly the branded ones, appear more interested in what the kids can do for the school, than vice versa. Consider this and ask yourself if this is what you really want for your child.

For a long time now, I've understood God's wisdom in giving me 2 kids with such contrasting abilities. If both my kids were intellectually gifted, I would never know what it's like to parent a child who can't always understand concepts immediately or remember things he'd just learnt. It's a lesson in humility - that our kids' giftedness is a blessing, not results of our own doing.

Please don't be mistaken, I know Andre is bright. But when you have another child who learns and absorbs ideas at the drop of a hat, it's easy to use that as a benchmark and forget that not everyone is the same.

I always take advice from parents with all gifted kids with a pinch of salt. I know they're well meaning but what works for gifted kids often doesn't work for regular kids. It's not just a simple case of reading more to improve their language, or teaching a certain method to improve their maths. It's a lot of repetition, a lot of simplification and a huge bucketload of patience - something I'm short of.

As Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I don't quite agree with the everybody is a genius bit but I concur with the second sentence. Sometimes, I feel that Singapore and Singaporeans have such a narrow definition of success that anyone who can't climb a tree or climb it fast enough is made to feel stupid or inadequate.

Each child's needs are different - I can't emphasise this enough. I speak from experience (and mistakes) parenting 2 kids who are complete opposites of each other. While everyone else's kid may be aiming for the top 3 schools, yours may rejoice at getting into a tier 3 school.

What's important is not to let society or teachers or other parents bully you into thinking it's not ok. Because at the end of the day, some kids are fish. By constantly trying to teach them how to climb trees and scolding them for failing, we may be missing out on the fact that they are fantastic, natural-born swimmers.

I wonder about kids who say, "I must study hard so I don't let my parents down." I understand the sentiment but I think it smells of the implication that they are studying out of a sense of responsibility towards someone else and not because it is something valuable to be enjoyed. Are we a blessing to our kids or have we become a burden?

I don't know what I will be like next year. I keep telling myself that God has a place prepared somewhere for Andre, that I should not be overly kancheong. But I also know how easy it is to lose perspective when you're in the eye of the storm. If that happens, somebody nudge me, ok?

Even as we push our kids to achieve more, we need to show that we love them for who they are, not who we want them to be.

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." - Psalm 127:3

PS We will be going on our family vacation so I won't be blogging here during that time. I will, however, try to blog about my holiday at my travel blog so do check in there!

Debunking the myth of the GEP label

A p6 girl, whom I shall call HL, wrote a comment on one of my blog posts. We exchanged a few emails and I found her to be a very sweet, mature and unassuming 12-year-old. She told me she loves to write and sent me a link to her blog, where she posts her compositions and other written work. Let's just say I was very impressed - she writes lucidly and expressively, her command of English is masterful for her age.

Academically, she's doing very well too, topping her cohort in her neighbourhood school. Yet she seems to feel that she isn't top A calibre because she's not a GEP student.

I find this mindset to be quite prevalent. I have a close friend with two very bright daughters who are not in GEP. I think they're doing marvellously well in school but she's worried about letting her elder daughter (p5 this year) apply for a top secondary school because she's afraid her daughter wouldn't be able to cope next to the GEP kids.

Lilian and I were just discussing a few days ago that the GEP label is very powerful. People have this misconception that GEP students are super kids of some kind - like they can calculate complex maths formulas in the blink of an eye or maybe write Shakespearean sonnets in a single bound. They're believed to be brighter, faster, sharper, just better all round.

If there is one trait that I think gifted kids have, it's the ability to think more laterally and conceptually than other kids their age, that's all. That's why the GEP syllabus works for them, because the programme challenges their minds to delve deeper into a wider spectrum of subjects.

Ability is not so simplistically defined in a linear format. Achievement in school depends on so many factors, including aptitude, attitude, accuracy, speed, home environment and most importantly, hard work. Gifted kids certainly don't have dibs on all these traits. I've met GEP students who are so slow that finishing a paper on time is a feat in itself. I've seen others who are so blur that they struggle to follow instructions. And then there are the unmotivated who constantly perform below par. GEP kids are certainly not always whizzes in every subject, though often they may have special talents in one or more areas. Lesley-Anne, for example, has a gift for languages (my own assessment anyway!) but she has to work much harder for maths.

The unrealistic label of GEP kids is unhealthy in so many ways. What happens is that mainstream teachers, parents and kids themselves, identify the GEP kids as the target to beat because in their minds, that represents the pinnacle of academic achievement. And if they manage to achieve this goal, I sometimes hear this flippant refrain (or something to the effect): "GEP so special meh? Mainstream also can beat them!"

For mainstream students, the label can create a psychological barrier and give them a false diminished sense of their own abilities, like in the case of HL. I feel she's very capable of doing better than some GEP kids in the PSLE but she first needs to believe that she's not inferior to them. (HL, if you're reading this - I hope you know how talented you are!)

For GEP students, the label creates the pressure of having to perpetually live up to the super kid image and not "let the mainstream kids overtake you". Don't believe me? Lilian sent me this blog post by an RGS girl. She's a GEP student and she found herself trapped in the stress of unrelenting competition and comparisons between GEP and non-GEP. Her anguish is evident. It was written back in 2005 but I think it is still relevant, even more pronounced, today.

In this competition, no one wins. In the same way that when siblings are constantly pitted against each other, all you get is intense sibling rivalry. No one is happy for the other's achievements and no one is willing to help the other. All you get is a bunch of unhappy people constantly trying to outdo each other.

If we will stop obsessing over others for a minute, whether out of pride or insecurity, and just focus on bettering our own achievements, maybe we'll even be able to *gasp* enjoy the process.

"It hurts!" - raising a sensitive child

A mum asked me how I dealt with Lesley-Anne's sensitivity as she has a very sensitive child as well. I'd previously mentioned that Lesley-Anne is extremely sensitive which sometimes drives me to despair, and I know a few other mothers who face the same issues with their sensitive children.

YY pointed me to this book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elain Aron and I found it at Borders (thanks YY!). The bad part first, Aron does tend to ramble and her writing style is not the most engaging. But the book's good points far outweigh the bad. While many things merely confirmed what I already knew, I also learned many new and interesting facts.

For instance, I did not realise that emotional and mental sensitivity is directly linked to physical sensitivity, ie an emotionally sensitive child is more likely to have heightened physical sensations as well. It explains why Lesley-Anne has a very low threshold for pain, and her skin cannot endure scratchy clothing, anything dirty and harsh soaps (I used to have to cut off all the labels from her clothes before she would wear them which drove me bananas). Sensitive children can be overwhelmed by things that hurt their senses like noise, strong light, smells or tastes. When we were in Beijing, Lesley-Anne refused to go for a foot massage with the rest of us because she said that she "didn't want strange hands touching her."

According to Aron, about 15-20% of children are born highly sensitive. These are children who seem to get easily hurt or upset, are picky and overreact to little things. The problem is that sensitivity tends to be viewed negatively, like it's some sort of disorder and many parents believe their kids should just be taught or trained to be less sensitive. Aron takes a different view. Her research found that sensitivity is an inborn trait. Rather than try to change or deny it, parents should accept it as part of their children's unique personality and work with it.

There is a wide spectrum of variance among what Aron coined the Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) but it's too long to get into in this post, so I'll just summarise what she says are some of the common traits:

1) Aware of subtleties: the HSC notices little changes in the environment, not just physical but sometimes nuances like increased tension in the room. This may cause distress to the HSC even without the child knowing why. As such, the HSC is often described as intuitive.

2) More easily overstimulated: The body reacts to stimulation and because HSCs are more easily aroused, things or situations can be more frightening, more uncomfortable or more nerve-racking for them. HSCs frequently suffer from performance anxiety.

3) Deep inner reactions: HSCs feel emotions more keenly, internalise them more and remember them longer than other children. They are more disturbed by injustice and they worry more. On the flip side, they also feel more intense positive emotions, so you may find them overwhelmingly happy over a minor incident.

4) Aware of others' feelings: Because HSCs are more intuitive, they can also be more aware of others' emotions, without being told in words. Sometimes even when the other party is not aware of his/her own emotions! This doesn't necessarily mean they're more empathetic to others though.

5) Extreme caution: HSCs typically hate change and trying anything new and unfamiliar. They can obsess over every possible danger (real or imagined) and impose rigid restrictions and rules on themselves.

In her book, Aron goes into detail on how parents can help their HSCs at the different stages - infants, pre-schoolers, schoolers, teens and young adults. She also describes the different challenges facing parents who are not sensitive or sensitive themselves. Can't give you the whole hog here, so I'm just going to give a sprinkling of tips for parents that she provides:

- Believe your HSC and do something about it when he says something hurts or is uncomfortable. Try not to thrust your HSC into an environment with multiple, intensive stimuli.

- If your HSC suffers from performance anxiety, rehearse the skill many times with her, don't let her go into a test or performance underprepared. Try not to add to the pressure and make sure she has plenty of rest and breaks.

- Don't just quash your HSC's emotions, acknowledge and respect them. Talk to him about his emotions and how to handle them, especially in public.

- Be careful about sharing your own troubles or judgements of other with your young HSC because she is so understanding - she may be overwhelmed with the responsibility of having to provide emotional support for an adult.

- HSCs can feel bad saying no to others. Teach her how to stand up for her wishes and to express her own opinions (without trampling on others' toes, of course!)

- Encourage your HSC to try new things by taking it one step at a time and assuring him that you are there for support. Sometimes, HSCs need that gentle push.

- Don't belittle or dismiss your HSC's feelings and behaviours. Saying things like "you shouldn't care what other people think" is unhelpful because the HSC can't help feeling that way. It will only make him feel more distress.

- But don't overly slop on the praise or pity either. Being over-protective only reinforces the HSC's feeling that he is different and is deficient in some way.

- Positive encouragement rather than strong correction usually works better for HSCs when it comes to discipline and achievements. HSCs can take criticism much to heart and it paralyses them instead of spurring them on.


As a side note, Aron mentions that quite a high percentage of gifted children are HSCs. This is somewhat supported by Kazimierz Dabrowski's Overexcitabilities theory, where he found that gifted children react more strongly and for longer to a stimuli than non-gifted children in five areas: psychomotor, sensual, imaginational, intellectual and emotional. The intensity of each differs from individual to individual but Dabrowski claims that all gifted children have at least one of these traits. Important note though: just because a child is sensitive, doesn't mean she's necessarily gifted.

For parents of sensitive children, I hope this post is helpful (obviously you'll need to read more about it, this is just an appetiser). At the very least, I hope it will encourage you to embrace your child's sensitivity along with her other traits, instead of trying to change it. Afterall, it's part of what makes her unique.

IQ vs achievement - it's not the same thing!

Before I write this, I just want to say that in case any parent reads my previous post and thinks that I'm trying to brag about my gifted child or elicit sympathy for what is often perceived as already a privileged position, that it is not so. I've mentioned this before, every child is different, you just have to work with what you're given. And anyway, a gifted child is not any reflection of a parent's "accomplishment", so there's nothing to take credit for.

Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way, this is a follow-up post on my last entry. Some parents may be curious as to what are the different levels of giftedness. Here is the range (please note that the numbers can vary depending on the scale that's used).


Average IQ is between 85-114.

I wrote in an earlier post about how to tell if your child is intellectually gifted. An example of a profoundly gifted individual is Bobby Fischer, whose IQ is estimated to be 180. He was obsessed with chess since the age of six and spent hours everyday studying the game. By 15, he became a Grand Master, the youngest ever in history.

But IQ is just a number. And it's important to always remember that life is so much more than numbers. Giftedness is complex because the variation is so wide. A child can be extremely gifted in maths and not languages or vice versa.

The issue I want to address is that of IQ vs achievement. A mother reminded me the other day that it's not the same thing, ie higher IQ does NOT automatically translate into higher achievement. I briefly addressed it in my previous post but I think it warrants a separate post.

People tend to imagine gifted children happily embracing their abilities and continuously adding to their accomplishments. You might therefore be surprised to hear this: research has shown that a large proportion of highly gifted children seriously underachieve in the regular classroom and that by the end of elementary school, many have almost completely lost the motivation to excel (Pringle, 1970; Painter, 1976; Whitmore, 1980; Gross, 1993).

Aside: I found most of the relevant information and research on the Hoagies Gifted Education site. It's a terrific resource although I personally found the navigation a little confusing.

Research by Miraca Gross found that gifted children are aware from a young age that they are different from other children around them. Instead of feeling superior however, more often than not, gifted children feel uncomfortable about being different and feel the pressure to change their behavior to fit in with their peers. Gross's study (1993) found that highly gifted students with advanced reading abilities, on entering school and realising that no other children could read, deliberately decreased the quality and quantity of their reading after a few weeks. Some even stopped reading altogether.

Anxiety and depression often occur in misplaced gifted children. Self-sabotage or deliberate underachievement to fit in can lead to the "imposter syndrome", where gifted adults believe their success is due to luck rather than their own abilities and worry about being found out.

"The “imposter syndrome” strikes people everywhere, especially high achievers... The more successful you get, the greater the inner stress. Now people have expectations of you that you may not be able to meet. Now each decision you make should be perfect because there’s much to lose." - Simran Bhargava, The Imposter Syndrome: Feeling Like A Fraud

One of the biggest issues is the discrepancy between the mental age and the chronological age. The higher the IQ, the higher the mental age, therefore with exceptionally or profoundly gifted children, the gap between the mental and chronological age is enormous.

“Precocity unavoidably complicates the complexity of social adjustment. The child of 8 years with a mentality of 12 or 14 is faced with a situation that is almost inconceivably difficult. In order to adjust normally, such a child has to have an exceptionally well-balanced personality, and has to be well nigh a social genius. The higher the IQ, the more acute the problem” - Burks, Jensen, & Terman

Sometimes, underachievement could simply be due to boredom due to lack of interest in too-easy classes, the negative connotation of being seen as smart ("geek"! "nerd"! sounds familiar?), or unrealistic perfectionism.

While these are social or emotional reasons, there's also the possibility of biological reasons for underachievement. Many gifted children are twice exceptional, ie children who are gifted and have a learning disability like ADHD or dyslexia. Twice exceptional children are especially common among the exceptionally or profoundly gifted. Because gifted children are more able to compensate or mask their learning disabilities, these disorders often are left undiagnosed or discovered much later.

Experts generally agree that an effective way of reversing underachievement in gifted children is to provide accelerated education and placed in intellectually stimulating classes with appropriate mentoring and enrichment. Gross's study found that gifted children who attended school in the regular classroom had frequently quashed or moderated their own abilities. Their early curiosity and love of learning were eroded or completely eradicated by the time they became teenagers, and they displayed disturbingly low levels of motivation and social self-esteem. Ironically, education administrators took the decrease in academic achievement to mean that the child has "leveled out" and is no longer gifted.

In contrast, gifted children who were more appropriately placed in an accelerated environment displayed higher levels of motivation and self-esteem, and significantly reduced pressure to underachieve for peer acceptance. They also had more friends and enjoyed closer social relationships than before the acceleration.

See? Not that I want to keep harping on the GEP but this research again supports my view that the GEP is a necessary part of our education system. It is not the be all and end all, but it does serve the needs of a segment of the population that would otherwise have been underserved in the current education system.

The challenges of raising a gifted child

Last week, a group of IAA mums finally decided to meet up. (If you don't know what IAA is, read about it here.) It was very interesting - the three of us who eventually met up were loosely linked via the President of IAA, Lilian who couldn't make it. So there we were, three mums who'd never met, going on what felt like a three-way blind date.

But you know, having blogged about our kids and commiserated with each other on the challenges of parenting, it was like an instant kinship. For almost three hours over sushi, we talked about our incessant worries and laughed about our parenting bloopers. It once again reinforced my conviction that starting my kids blog is a worthwhile endeavour. Parenthood is possibly the toughest job in the world because it can determine whether you had a hand in creating Mother Teresa or Adolf Hitler. If more parents were open about sharing their experiences and tips instead of jealously guarding them, I do believe that fewer parents, especially new ones, would stumble less or at least avoid making the same mistakes.

The three of us shared many thoughts over lunch but one of them which I'm highlighting in this post was the issue of giftedness. The topic came up because one of the mothers has a 6-year-old son who has been suspected by a psychologist to be "exceptionally or profoundly gifted" (defined as IQ of above 160 and 180 respectively). In a society like Singapore which places such a premium on smarts, this would appear to be every parent's dream. But as they say, be careful what you wish for because it just might come true (I should know this, when I was preggers with Andre, I wished for a son like Calvin in Calvin & Hobbes and I pretty much got my wish.)

This mum was sharing with me her concern about the "exceptionally gifted" label as so many expectations come along with it. She was recounting a report which mentioned two individuals who were considered profoundly gifted (which is fewer than 1 in a million), one a 14-year-old boy in the US, took their own lives. The idea that life could be so unbearable for such a bright child that he would even consider ending it is just sobering.

While Lesley-Anne is not exceptionally or profoundly gifted, I can identify with this mum because I worry about the same issues that many parents of gifted children face. Contrary to popular belief, gifted children have to grapple with many problems, just like other kids. But because they're gifted, the world tends to give them a much shorter leash in terms of making mistakes and dealing with problems. Afterall, they're gifted! What problems could they possibly have, right?

While there is no substantial evidence to show that suicide or depression is higher among gifted individuals, there are certain tendencies among gifted kids, coupled with societal norms, that make them prone towards developing emotional and social problems. Here are a few:

1) Gifted kids tend to be perfectionists, more so than regular kids. I found quite a good, succinct presentation by Dr Pamela Clark on gifted kids which states while perfectionism can be positive if it spurs high achievement, it becomes unhealthy if it reaches the point where it the kids are unable to take pleasure in a task because they feel it is not perfect. This sort of perfectionism becomes disabling and has been linked to depression, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive personality disorders and ironically, underachievement.

2) The life of gifted kids can be a lonely one because they can find it difficult to mingle with regular kids. I don't like to use the word "normal" because I think that's an artificial definition based on the majority. Many kids and parents alike criticise gifted kids for being anti-social and "weird" but I suspect it's just prejudice at play. If you say, place a Tibetan monk in an African village, he would definitely be considered strange, even "abnormal", just because he's different. But put that monk back in his own community and he'll fit right in.

Same thing with gifted kids - I find that the gifted kids who are criticised for being socially inept usually have fewer problems socialising with their gifted peers, not because they're arrogant or aloof, but because they're more likely to share similar interests and think on the same wavelength. But because there are way more regular than gifted kids, gifted kids can be ostracised in school, until they learn how to "speak the lingo" of regular kids, or so to speak. It has been found that some gifted kids deny their giftedness just so they can "be like everybody else". In general, the higher the IQ, the more likely difficulties in socialisation occur.

3) The bar tends to be raised for gifted kids once they've been identified, sometimes to unrealistic levels. I know this first-hand - when Andre comes home with good results, I heap him with praise. But when Lesley-Anne produces good results, I sometimes take it for granted, in fact I question when she performs less than stellar. The efforts of gifted kids tend to be appreciated less because we assume that it's easy for them. As this mum told me, sometimes when her son doesn't understand a new concept instantly, she thinks, "Huh? You should know this - you're gifted what!" (But she checks herself so she doesn't say it out loud.)

Once a child is labeled gifted, he or she is instantly expected to wow, all the time, by parents, the school and society at large, even through to adulthood. Don't underestimate the pressure faced by these kids. I have heard real stories of Singapore teenagers who were identified as gifted but later cracked under the pressure and developed eating disorders or completely failed every subject in school.

So what can we as parents do? According to Clark, here are a few tips:

• Praise them for the effort and determination vs being "smart" or "talented"
• Help them see setbacks as learning opportunities
• Encourage them to channel their efforts into areas they are passionate about instead of trying to be good in everything
• Help them set priorities and value relaxation
• Support their talent but don't add to the pressure

Clark also sees the benefit of having gifted kids spend time with like-minded peers. This is one reason I'm very grateful for the GEP, because it has enabled Lesley-Anne to meet and make friends with other kids like herself. I'm not being atas (snobbish) - I'm aware it's important for her to learn how to mix with regular kids since this world operates on "regular" 90% of the time, but in the process, I'm just happy she doesn't feel alone.

If your child is gifted, I highly recommend this book "A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children" by Webb, Gore, Amend and DeVries. I've recommended it before in an earlier post but it's worthwhile highlighting again. It answered most of my question on gifted kids and clarified many of my doubts.

Being gifted - a blessing not a curse

My friend Lilian says I give her fodder for blogging. I must say it’s mutual. Especially on the topic of GEP and gifted kids, which she has so convincingly argued her case. I know it's controversial, so here, let me add fuel to the fire *evil laughter*

First, let us all agree that we want our kids to be happy and well-adjusted. No quarrels there, all parents want that for their kids. What gets Lilian’s goat (and mine) is the common assumption that just because a child is gifted, he must be anti-social, eccentric and miserable (often accompanied by a domineering mother figure). It irks me to hear kneejerk responses like "It's better to have friends than be gifted" or "I'd rather my child be socially intelligent than gifted", as though those traits are mutually exclusive. Giftedness doesn't cause social ineptness, nor does it cause you not to have friends. It’s just like people who say, “I’d rather be happy than rich.” Yes, that’s true, but does giving up one guarantee the other? And who’s to say you can’t be both? The grapes smell suspiciously sour, no?

It is true that there are gifted children without friends or with low EQ, but in the same way that there are “regular” kids without friends or low EQ. Being an arrogant jerk is not limited to the bright. Lesley-Anne came back upset one day because someone on her school bus told her to her face, “All GEP kids are geeks and nerds who wear spectacles and braces.” (So much for EQ, huh?)

I’m not saying this to get sympathy, kids will always find new ways to make fun of each other. My point is that the stereotypes of gifted kids (and parents of gifted kids) start very early and these are often perpetuated by adults. As a parent of a gifted child, I sometimes find myself caught in this form of reverse discrimination. I usually don’t volunteer the fact that my daughter is in the GEP because I’m afraid of coming across as “hau lian”. But when the subject inadvertently comes up, I say it as matter-of-factly as I can and I stick to the factual aspects of the programme. Sometimes, I even find myself subconsciously downplaying Lesley-Anne’s abilities, just to make her sound more like a “regular” kid, which is totally not being fair to her. When I met up with her teacher this year, he said, "Don't take the giftedness away from her", which I thought was profound on so many levels.

I think the notion that “all kids are gifted” is just a load of BS concocted by the western world that is obsessed with political correctness (at the expense of common sense). I love the line in the cartoon “The Incredibles” – “When everyone is special, no one will be.” I much prefer the Asian belief that not everyone has the same talents but with hard work and tenacity, we can all make something of ourselves.

What is more important is what we do with this God-given gift. Boasting about your gift is wrong, but so is denying it. When Lesley-Anne was in p1, her teacher asked her to help another classmate who was having difficulty in English. I took the opportunity to tell her about the Parable of the Talents, ie to whom more is given, more is expected (Matthew 25:14-30). To my horror, the next day she came home from school and described to me how she had told her classmate, “God gave me 10 talents and gave you 5 talents, so I should help you.” She wasn’t boasting, she thought she was just sharing a fact. I had to explain to her that her classmate might not be too thrilled to hear that she had only 5 talents! Faux pas aside, Lesley-Anne really does believe that she should use her abilities to help others, which I'm pleased about.

In a way, I’m thankful that not both my kids are gifted because it gives me a more objective perspective, seeing it from both sides of the equation. It also gives me more clarity on how to bring up kids with different abilities. As Lilian said, it all boils down to accepting our kids for who they are, embracing both their weaknesses AND their strengths.

I'm tired of feeling apologetic for my child's giftedness. I still can't bring myself to say "my daughter is gifted" but I do want to be able to openly say I’m proud of her, just like any other mother would.

GEP testing and kiasu-ism at its ugliest

Over the weekend, I was chatting with some relatives and the topic of GEP (Gifted Education Programme) testing came up. For the benefit of those who are unaware, this is the process:

In August every year, the cohort of P3 students is invited to sit for a GEP screening test. The test is not compulsory but all children are encouraged to go for it. The test comprises an English and a Maths paper, about 1½ hours each.

Out of the cohort of approximately 50,000 kids, some 3,000 pupils (about 6%) are shortlisted for the GEP selection test.

The selection test takes place over two days in October, the first comprises an English paper and a General Ability paper, about 2½ hours in total. The second consists of a Maths paper and another General Ability paper, also about 2½ hours altogether.

From the selection test, about 500 kids (about 1% of cohort) are invited to join the P4 GEP classes. The results are released in early November.

The English and Maths papers are based on the MOE syllabus for P1-3, while the General Ability papers test logical thinking and general reasoning ability. The testing adheres closely to research done on gifted children (you may read my previous post on this), mainly that giftedness is largely manifested by the time the child is aged 9, and about 1% of any cohort is considered intellectually gifted.

Controversy arises because in recent times, some parents have begun to send their kids to special tuition classes which claim to help them clear the GEP tests. This is despite the considerate pointers in the GEP notification letter for the screening test:

"The Screening Test questions are usually more difficult than those in school examination papers. Your child should not be unduly worried if he/she cannot answer all the questions."

and

"We strongly urge you not to place undue pressure on your child to study for the test."

If I were the MOE, I would put these two lines in bold and font size 28 at the top of the letter, with blinking neon lights if possible. And I would add "Any parent caught putting their child through coaching for GEP tests will be fined $10,000,000,000."

But I'm not the MOE and frankly, I don't think it would make any difference (apart from the MOE becoming extremely rich). Because at the end of the day, there will still be parents who think the GEP is the gateway to guaranteed success in Singapore and their kids must get in by hook or by crook. Even worse, there are parents who want this not so much for their kids but so they have bragging rights, like having a gifted child reflects on them as brilliant parents.

I've mentioned this before, the GEP is designed for intellectually gifted kids. If your child is not gifted, he will struggle in the programme and it will not edify his education at all. At the end of the day, they still all sit for the PSLE exams and in the GEP, less time is dedicated to PSLE topics, so ironically, your kid may actually score lower marks than if he was in the mainstream.

Also, if your child is truly gifted, chances are he will clear the GEP tests without any sort of coaching. Most of the GEP kids I know never went for any special classes for the tests. It would also be a more accurate reflection of his ability.

On the other side of the fence, I think it is absolutely unethical of tuition centres and teachers to offer such classes. Some of them claim they are just giving the kids practice in tackling reasoning tests, while others claim they can "train" the kids to answer GEP type questions as they have previously been a GEP teacher. Whatever the excuse, it's cashing in on the insecurities and kiasu-ness of Singapore parents. The results have not been proven. Maybe to some degree for the screening test since it's based on English and Maths, but not the selection tests. And even if they do succeed in squeaking a few kids by into the programme, it's at what cost? Think about it, the tuition centre is motivated by the few thousand bucks it can extract from you, it certainly doesn't have the long-term interest of your child at heart.

As you can tell, this topic really riles me up, maybe because it bothers me to see some of the kids internalise so much of their parents' expectations. When Lesley-Anne was in P3, her class being the top class at her school, was the hotbed of GEP hopeful kids. In fact, all except one in her class passed the screening test (the teacher tactfully gave out the slips discretely so that child wouldn't feel so badly about himself).

When the results of the selection test came back, Lesley-Anne described the situation as one of tense anticipation. Imagine the teacher carrying a pile of acceptance booklets (17 out of 40 in the class made it to GEP) and as she gave them out, the remaining students whose names were not called watched anxiously as the stack of booklets quickly diminished.

Lesley-Anne didn't expect to get called, since she was nowhere near the top performers in that class, so she was pleasantly surprised when she was selected. But other kids, especially those who have regularly topped the class, were more concerned. When all the booklets were eventually given out, some kids who didn't get selected actually cried. Especially one boy, as I found out later, whose mother was already checking out the different GEP schools (even before the results were out).

Which brings me to the point, why this obsession with being gifted? What's wrong with being "regular"? Being gifted is a blessing, like a musical or artistic talent, but it certainly doesn't guarantee success in life. In Singapore, I suspect if you're looking for a job, most companies won't care if you were in the GEP, unless it's the civil service. And I have never heard any kid say, "My dream is to be in the civil service!" I would like to believe that all the age-old attributes of integrity, diligence and reliability are what matter most, at the end of the day.

Earlier this year, Andre asked me, out of the blue, "Will I go to GEP like che-che?" I was stumped for a moment. I didn't want to demoralise him, but neither did I want to give him false hope. In the end, I replied, "Well, you go for the test. If you make it, you make it. If you don't, you don't. But GEP or not, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you study hard and try your best." He seemed content with the answer, and I meant every word - I wouldn't exchange my happy, vivacious boy for all the smarts in the world.

A day in the life of a GEP kid

Since there appears to be considerable interest in the Gifted Education Programme (GEP), I thought I'd share a little more about the programme itself and the curriculum, based on what Lesley-Anne has gone through over the past 1½ years.

Obviously, as you know by now, I'm generally pleased with the programme. There are many plus points, some of them being:

More individual attention
The class sizes are small - max 25, compared to 40 in the mainstream classes. This means the teacher is better able to cater to each child's needs. At the beginning of each year, the kids take a test to assess their learning styles, developed from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. From there, the teachers and the kids know what sort of learner they are, and try to tune in to their strengths.

The teachers also look out for any problems, like inability to cope or social issues, and these kids are then sent to the GEP counsellor for help. (Although according to Lesley-Anne, most of the kids feel uncomfortable at being scrutinised and try to avoid being called in for a session). Lesley-Anne was sent to the counsellor last year because all her teachers reported her as looking "tired and sleepy" in class and were worried that she wasn't coping well. She came home and protested "but my eyes naturally look like that!"

Lots of teamwork and independent learning
Many kids find it hard to adjust initially from P3 into P4 GEP because the learning concepts and assumptions are completely different from what they were used to. Instead of focusing on learning content given by the teacher and doing copious amounts of exercises and drills to perfect their abilities, suddenly they are told to find things out for themselves. Lesley-Anne does a lot of research on the internet for practically every subject.

They also do a heck of a lot of projects. In a year, they have two English projects, one research study, a few science and math projects, and a social studies project. Some of these are individual but many are team-based. This is great preparation for teamwork. Through these projects, the kids quickly discover who the skivers are, who don't put in their fair share and who are the terrific team players. There are many phone and email exchanges between Lesley-Anne and project mates, from the research to the division of labour. I once heard her on the phone with classmate who was part of her team presenting the next day (and obviously not the most on the ball individual): "Did you write out the script? The notes are with you. I gave them to you yesterday. Are you sure you wrote it out EXACTLY? Ok, read it out to me now." (Hmm... sounds like she'll make a great mum someday.)

Focus on presentation skills
I think the GEP realises that many of these gifted kids are great thinkers but when they open their mouths, they mumble or stammer and can hardly get any point across. As we all know, in the world today, being able to speak well is terribly important. I have personally come across many people with absolutely zero substance that have managed to wrangle their way in life by being eloquent and convincing speakers, while their brainy but reticent colleagues are being glossed over.

Presentations are a huge part of the GEP curriculum. Most of the projects require presentations in front of the class. This needs not only preparation of the script but also accompanying props like powerpoint presentations, models and sometimes even role-play. Last term, all the P5 GEP kids had to undergo a compulsory six-week course on public speaking. For Lesley-Anne, this focus is very beneficial and has enabled her to come out of her shell (somewhat).

These are the plus points. There are also not-so-plus points in the programme. (Of course there are! What, did you think it was all sugar and spice and all things nice?) I wouldn't say these are disadvantages per se, they are more like trade-offs, which come hand in hand with what the GEP is trying to achieve.

Long, long hours
This is inevitable, I guess. With all that they're trying to teach the kids, you're not going to be able to fit everything within half a day. Lesley-Anne has lessons on average till 3.30pm three days a week. On top of that, they often have ad-hoc additional activities, like the public speaking course or service learning (giving tuition to younger kids) which takes up another day. Once you throw in the compulsory CCA, they're basically clocking eight hours in school almost every weekday. This can be tough on the kids, especially as most Singapore children don't just go to school, they still have to fit in other outside activities like piano lessons, ballet lessons, sports, etc. And not to mention, homework. (Of course they have homework!)

Less practice in mainstream topics
The breadth and depth of subjects explored under the GEP is truly mind-boggling. Lesley-Anne tells me she learns things in maths like Fibonacci numbers and Pascal's triangle. I know there are some very conscientious GEP parents out there who will then quickly rush to research these and give extra coaching to their kids. I'm not one of them. I go "huh?" and then "as long as you understand what the teacher is saying." The only time I googled these words was two minutes ago, to provide the links above, haha.

It also means that less time is spent teaching mainstream topics, which are tested at the PSLE. So if your child is not as fast to catch on in certain subjects, like Lesley-Anne with maths, he or she might have a problem when it comes to the national exams. Although the teachers did assure me that they devote an entire term in P6 just coaching for the PSLE. So we'll see.

Funnily enough though, Lesley-Anne finds it less pressurising in GEP than in mainstream. I realise this statement is contentious and not necessarily true for all GEP kids, but this is just from her experience. In the mainstream classes at her school, the children are ranked by class and standard in their report books. From P3 onwards, they are streamed each year by classes according to these rankings. What happens then is there is the inadvertent pressure, usually by parents, for the kids to get into the better classes or to achieve a higher ranking. When Lesley-Anne was in the top class for P3, she felt the pressure of not falling behind and it was very demoralising for her when she performed less than stellar in her mid-year exams.

In the GEP, there are no rankings. Last year, the kids were asked to list the pros and cons of GEP. One child wrote (for pro): "No need to get first in class!" (Parents, what are you doing to your kids??) There is only the prerequisite baseline that the kids need to meet, 70/100 for all subjects except English which is 65/100. Even then, if the child doesn't meet the baseline, he or she gets sent to the counsellor and is helped to improve. They consider all other factors, including attitude, which is regarded as more important than the actual grades.

Overall, I find that the camaraderie among the GEP kids is strong, partly because of the class size. I think the removal of the competitive aspect helps.

How to tell if your child is intellectually gifted

This is a follow-up of the post I wrote on my experience as a parent of a child in the Singapore Gifted Education Programme (GEP). Crucial to effectiveness of the programme is whether the child is truly gifted, which of course, begs the question, "how do I know if my child is gifted?"

First, I want to state up front that the info I have is mostly taken from this book "A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children" by Webb, Gore, Amend and DeVries. This is truly an exceptional book - it is a must-have for all parents of gifted kids. It's well-researched and answered all the questions I had clearly and comprehensively. I've read other books on gifted kids, but none even came close to matching this one - it gets the gold star.

Some basic information (and common misconceptions):

There are many types of giftedness.
Gift in the arts, in sports, in leadership, etc. For purposes of the GEP, we are refering specifically to the intellectually gifted. However, while as a group, these kids have high IQs, they are not necessarily super in every academic subject.

Giftedness is generally inborn.
In other words, you're either gifted or you're not. However, environment does play a role. A supportive and nurturing environment up to the ages of 7 or 8 can increase IQ scores of 20 points or even more. But generally, test scores for giftedness will remain pretty much stable by the time the child is 8. Because of this, the recommended age for intelligence tests in schools is 8 or 9, otherwise time would have been wasted with gifted kids having their talents unidentified and untapped (The Singapore MOE has probably read all the research, that's why they do the GEP tests in P3!)

Being gifted and being "smart" is not the same thing.
People have often argued that the GEP is discriminatory because there are late bloomers who do pretty well later on in life. I think this arises because there is a confusion between being gifted and being smart. It's probably safe to say that all gifted children are smart, but not all smart children are gifted. Research shows that in general, about 1% of each cohort is intellectually gifted. Again, MOE follows this closely, the top 1% of each P3 cohort who take the selection tests are offered the GEP.

Those are the basic parameters. So we go back to the question, "how do I know if my child is gifted?" Here are but some of the common characteristics as listed in the book mentioned above, and my own experience with Lesley-Anne (ala how I was finally convinced she's gifted).

1) Strong verbal abilities from a young age. Many gifted kids start talking and reading early. Some on the other hand, start later but when they do, it's with astonishing maturity and complexity. Lesley-Anne didn't speak until she was way over 2 years old, but then she spoke in whole sentences and her understanding of instructions was very good even at age 1. In pre-school, her teacher commented that she "spoke like an adult". Gifted kids also usually have large vocabularies and can distinguish between similar words like "angry" or "irritated".

2) Overactive imagination and creativity. Gifted kids tend to like experimenting and can flit from one interest to another. They can live in an imaginary world with imaginary friends and imaginary pets. When she was 5, Lesley-Anne told me she had a new best friend in school called Sally. I got curious when she told me Sally was the same height, same weight, had the same haircut as her. I called the school and found out there was no such person!

3) Extreme sensitivity and intensity. This one really hit home when I read about it. I was despairing over Lesley-Anne because she was truly the most sensitive child I had ever come across. Every word could be deemed a criticism. She would be hurt by seemingly harmless gestures and any sort of unfairness would cause an intense reaction. When she was about 3 and watching Bambi on video, she burst into tears when Bambi's mother was shot and kept asking me why the hunter had to shoot her. From then, everytime she watched the cartoon, she would fast forward that scene. Even today, when she has learned to reign her emotions better, I would get comments from her piano teacher: "Aiyoh, just told her what she played wrong and the tears started flowing! I can't bring myself to scold her."

4) Super learning ability and memory. The difference between gifted and smart children are that while both can learn new things quickly, the smart child tends to learn age-appropriate things. Gifted children, on the other hand, have been known to grasp concepts way beyond their years. One of Lesley-Anne's classmates had finished reading Tolkien's Lord of the Rings several times over by age 9 and at 10, was poring over adult astronomy reference books. They also tend to have great memories. I remember watching Jumanji on tv with Lesley-Anne when she was 7. Before the next scene, she would tell me what would happen and even spout the exact words the actor would say. All this she remembered from watching the show ONCE when she was 4.

5) Need for reasoning and rationality. Gifted children tend to question everything and they need to have answers that satisfy their intelligence. The worst possible thing I can say to Lesley-Anne when she questions my instruction is: "Because I said so." This sort of autocratic answer with no logic upsets her, she needs to see the reasoning behind it. Once, she accidentally scalded her fingers on hot soup. When the pain had not abated after putting ice on her fingers, I offered to give her a dose of paracetamol. She immediately asked to know how paracetamol would work since it was to her, a medicine for fever. When I said it numbed the pain sensors, she questioned how it would know to numb the ones in her fingers and not anywhere else. All this while she was in pain. Basically, gifted kids are unlikely to take anything at face value, they will question you to death if necessary.

There are several other characteristics, but it would be too long to list everything. This is a summarised version. If you want to know more, I really recommend you get the book!

Finally, I just want to stress that giftedness is a blessing. If your child has it, embrace it. But he cannot claim credit for it anymore than a child born into a rich family can boast about having earned his wealth. And at the end of the day, it's not about possession but what you do with the giftedness that counts.

One parent's experience with the Gifted Education Programme

My daughter, Lesley-Anne, now in P5, is in the Gifted Education Programme (GEP). When she first got the news 2 years ago, I was truly surprised and had some misgivings. She had generally done well in school, but I had always attributed it to her being conscientious and hardworking. The GEP doesn't have a great rep and like many other parents, I had heard horror stories about how the kids turn out to be elitist brats, how some kids can't cope with the syllabus and become overly stressed, etc.

So my husband and I tried to find out more (we weren't given a lot of time, basically about a week to decide). The MOE talk was very enlightening. It gave a lot of info on what the programme tries to achieve and why it was necessary to create a different type of education for this group of children. We thought it sounded quite promising, but we left the decision to Lesley-Anne, and told her we would support her whatever she decided. She decided to give it a try. And we knew that if it really became too much to take, she could always opt out of the programme and return to the mainstream curriculum. There wasn't too much upheaval as her school offered the GEP anyway.

So two years on, what are my thoughts? I would say unequivocally, it was the best thing that could have happened to Lesley-Anne in terms of education. Before GEP, she was a painfully shy, introverted child afraid of taking a wrong step. In P3, she was in the top class in the school, but she was miserable because it focused on drills and exercises, all designed to sharpen the exam skills. She was never remotely near the top of the class, in fact in one exam, she came in 4th from the bottom.

Today, she enjoys school because the work is focused on exploring concepts beyond the normal curriculum. For example, they examine patterns in maths, the historial evolution of maths in different empires. Projects feature greatly, instead of say, just going through grammatical skills, they have to do analyses of different genre types and even try to write them. For instance, this term, Lesley-Anne had to write a detective story after reading mystery books and discovering the unique aspects of this genre. The emphasis is on discovery, not on exams, which explains why GEP kids don't always have the top scores in the PSLE. She has also opened up considerably because the programme encourages expression. Although she's still an introvert, she's much more confident and is better able to express her thoughts.

Oftentimes, I feel the views on GEP are very blinked. Parents who have all their kids in the programme tend to laud it, parents without tend to slam it. Many views are given with very little knowledge or just anecdotal evidence which supports what they want to believe. I have one child in the programme and another whose chances of getting in are as good as winning the $3.2 million lottery. So I do feel I have at least some objectivity in this. I don't believe one programme is superior to the other, it should be, let me stress this, according to the needs and abilities of the child.

So here's my take on the GEP:

1) It is not a programme just to make smart kids smarter. The GEP is a programme which caters to the learning needs of the intellectually gifted child. It is like a sports regime tailored to suit a kid talented in sports. Or an arts programme for artistically inclined kids. The ambiguity arises because "intellectually gifted" tends to be associated with "smart" so people commonly mistake it as a special, intensive booster programme. Ironically, the same people who tend to call the programme elitist are the same ones who will turn around and criticise it when the kids don't top the PSLEs to say it has failed. It hasn't. It simply isn't the goal of the GEP. If you want your kid in the programme because you think it's an enhanced tuition programme for 4 A*s, then think again.

2) It is not for everyone. The majority of gifted kids do enjoy the programme, mainly because it is specially designed for them. But the caveat is that the kid needs to be truly gifted. While I think the sorting tests are quite reliable, I do believe it does occasionally slips in a few kids who are "smart" but not gifted. Because it has been shown that you can improve your scores slightly if you do a lot of these types of tests (not much but maybe enough to squeak by). If the child is not really gifted, the programme can be a nightmare simply because the concepts it teaches can be completely beyond the child's ability to assimilate. Again, this sort of ability is mostly inborn, it can't be taught. It took me a while to be convinced that Lesley-Anne was not just "smart" but gifted. I will elaborate on the differences of the two concepts in another post.

3) The programme will not determine how your child will turn out. The GEP has been blamed for churning out elitist snobs. My take on it is, it's a combination of factors. If you keep telling your child how wonderful she is because she's in the programme, treat her like a special jewel better than other kids and wait on her hand and foot, of course she's going to be a brat! Don't need to be a psychic to know that. Under the GEP, the students have to do a service learning project every year. Lesley-Anne has given tuition to P2 kids (with worksheets that she prepared), and prepare math lessons in a group to teach other classes. Studies have shown that upon adulthood, a higher percentage of ex GEP kids continue serving the community as compared to their mainstream counterparts.

What I like about Lesley-Anne's school is that although it has a great academic reputation, it's still a neighbourhood school in the heartlands. No hordes of merces or beamers, many kids cycle or walk to school. (This is not a judgement against other schools, this is just my personal observation and preference). I have met parents of GEP kids who are simply obnoxious - they adopt an attitude of entitlement and behave like everyone else is beneath them. With parents like that, it's not hard to see why some children turn out the way they do.

I just want to stress again that as parents, it's important to do the usual check as with any other child - check out the friends they hang out with, the type of activities they do and so on. Keep them grounded.