The pitfalls of affluent parenting

I shared this story from Boston Magazine on the Of Kids and Education Facebook page over the weekend. The article talks about many issues that have bugged regarding parenting, such as bribing our kids to perform simple tasks, and the fall-out that results from these missteps.

There are many pertinent issues raised in the article but the one that I want to focus on in this blog post is the culture of overabundance - where our kids get so many things they want so easily (and even more stuff they don't want), that they have become jaded and unappreciative.

We live in a society of instant gratification and I'm not just talking about the kids. I know many kids want things NOW. But parents are a big part of the problem - we give in because we too want to feel the joy of seeing our kids happy NOW. So we feel the urge to heap the best and the latest on our kids, as if that is an indication of our love for them. 

All studies and child psychologists will tell you this is a big mistake...and yet parents can't help themselves. It's like a drug - making our kids happy NOW has become such an addiction that it rules our life. My mother-in-law dotes on my kids and has a generous heart. When she found out that Andre was hankering for sugar rolls, she went out and bought a box full. And then another box a few days later. And more the following week, by which time, Andre was all hung over on sugar rolls and the prospect of sugar rolls was more alarming than pleasurable.

It's not about the giving. It's about knowing when to stop. Sometimes, the more we give, the less they want. What is a toy worth when you have 50 other toys? How will you outdo your previous gift? Will you feel the pressure to go larger, fancier, more expensive? I remember when growing up, birthdays were something to treasure because there was a chance of getting a book I wanted. Compare this with modern times when I buy my kids all the books they want. Close to my children's birthdays, I always ask: "What would you like?" and more often than not, both child and parent are stymied because my kids can usually get whatever they want any time of the year. Heck, they don't even have to wait till their birthday to have cake.

I think in smothering our kids with stuff, we are robbing them of the indelible excitement and anticipation of wanting something, and then working or saving to get it. The wait and the effort make the reward that much sweeter. More importantly, it develops priceless values such as diligence and patience.

Bromfield, a child psychologist, says “Getting what they want, whenever they want it, can undermine children’s learning patience, gratitude, and all those old-fashioned values that help the adults they grow into manage a healthy, responsible, and contented life. Affluent parenting can deprive a child of fundamental life skills.”

Bromfield advocates not trying to keep up with the Joneses as a way to break out of this trend and this, I support whole-heartedly. Giving in to your kid who says "But he-and-she has one!" is the fastest way to snowball down the massive Toys R Us mountain. (You can bet that after you give in, your kid's classmate is emotionally blackmailing his parents the same way, using your child as the baseline).

My kids were the only ones in their class without a handphone for the longest time. Then the only ones without data plan. Lesley-Anne got her own laptop only last year, in her first year in JC, because she needed to work in school. Till today, we do not own a Wii, Xbox, Playstation or even an iPad. You may call us the family living in the Stone Age but guess what, we function just fine. What we don't get used to, we don't miss.

Likewise, when we calculate pocket money for our kids, it's based on how much their canteen food costs and what we think can keep them properly fed, not what other kids get. We believe in setting our own values for giving, not based on the standards of other families. We're not a shop. We're not obliged to offer market rate.

Financial prudence teaches the value of money, as well as how to manage money. Once again, life skills. When we go to a restaurant, my kids don't choose the expensive items. If there's something on the menu Andre wants that is more expensive, he will ask if it's ok to order it. It's not that we curb their choices, it's that prudence has become part of our family psyche.

Related to the appreciation of the value of money and things is the spirit of thankfulness. Have you ever heard parents complaining about their kids, "I gave them everything and yet, they're so ungrateful!" I wonder if they've ever stopped to think that maybe that's the problem - they give too much. The truth is, the more we have, the less we value. The less we value, the less grateful we become and I find this to be one of the sad contradictions of an affluent society.

From a young age, when my kids receive a gift, Kenneth and I would always make them thank the giver, whether personally, by phone or sms. I won't claim that we did this consciously thinking "we must make this a habit!" but without quite realising it, it stuck. In our family, we say thank you a lot. We always thank each other for gestures and gifts, even little ones. I don't know how it works in other families, but I thank Kenneth when he picks me up from the MRT station. He thanks me even for little things, like helping him print out a form. When we go out for dinner, our kids always thank us, even if dinner was just at a hawker centre. They thank Kenneth when he buys back food or durian or cake for them. (When it's something especially nice, they thank him multiple times!) It has become intuitive, a habit.

Some people may think, alamak, liddat also must thank! Only a small thing what. To me, it's not about how big or small the gesture was. It's about cultivating the habit and the spirit of thankfulness. In some ways, it's like saying your prayers. Why do we need to say prayers? God already knows what we need even before we ask! The point of saying prayers is less for Him than for us. By going to God in prayer, we connect with Him and grow our own spiritual life. Similarly, giving thanks is sometimes less for the benefit of the giver than for the receiver. By constantly showing appreciation for little things, we become more aware of our blessings and grow in thankfulness.

There is no shortcut to nurturing values. (That's like asking God, "Give me patience NOW!") We can't spout values to our kids one day and expect them to materialise the next. Want your kids to be diligent, resilient, caring or thankful? Then mean what you say and create the environment that allows for these values to take root.   

Secrets of Singapore - a fun history book for SG50!

For the past month or so, over the June holidays, Lesley-Anne and I have been busy putting to bed this baby:

Yup, it's another Danger Dan book! However, this one is significantly different from the previous series of five books in that it's non-fiction and a solid 232 pages.

How the idea for the book came about

Having seen kids read our Danger Dan series, we noticed something unexpected: some kids, upon receiving the latest book, would turn to the back portion first - where we have two pages of Fascinating Facts offering historical information about the people, places and events covered in the book.

That's when we realised that some kids are very interested in facts and information. Personally, I love the Horrible Histories series by Scholastic and always wished there was a version for Singapore history. Currently, there is no one single children's book that talks about Singapore's history in a fun way and that's a shame.

So Lesley-Anne and I discussed this and to cut a long story short, we set out to write this history book ourselves! It ties in with the historical theme of Danger Dan and acts like a companion to the series.

Writing this book was challenging, not least because of the massive amount of research needed. The larger challenge was trying to explain everything simply so that kids would understand and not get turned off. I was especially motivated because both my kids didn't find social studies in school terribly interesting, especially the political bits. I don't think Andre remembers much, he was only interested in the parts about the war.

I know the textbooks have been simplified somewhat over the years but I feel they still fall short, especially when it comes to the political portions. The problem is that politics is a very alien concept to kids and history books tend to throw in many unfamiliar terms within a section, thinking that giving definitions for key words would sufficiently address this issue. Eg. this is half a para in my kids' history book:

"Although the Labour Front won the most number of seats, it did not have an absolute majority (won 50% or more of the seats) in the Assembly. Thus the LF formed a coalition government with the Alliance Party with David Marshall becoming the Chief Minister."

The definition for "coalition" was given as "coalition government is a government made up of a combination of two or more parties."

Zzzzzz. I can imagine kids nodding off just reading this short segment. Did the writers think that only "coalition" was a difficult word? What about Assembly? What about party? What about seats? Lesley-Anne told me that in primary school, when she read that a political party had won two seats, she pictured a man holding two chairs! Even at lower secondary level, Andre had a foggy understanding of local history. Referendum, alliance, commissions - they all went over his head.

In other words, don't assume that kids would understand any of that stuff, let alone be interested. Why should they? They've lived only about a decade. Politics is something completely foreign to them.

So, with great determination, Lesley-Anne and I set out to try and make local history interesting for kids. Or at least show that "fun history book" is not an oxymoron!

About Secrets of Singapore

We've kept it simple. The language is similar to what we'd used for the Danger Dan series, casual and simple. The target age group for this book is 8-14 years old. Where we've had to use more complex terms, we tried to explain them simply. If it meant omitting details that would leave kids' heads swimming, we chose to do so. For us, it's better for kids to have an idea of the overall concept than confuse them thoroughly with details.

We've kept it fun. Similar to the style of other Danger Dan books, it's quirky. Apart from the chronological retelling of Singapore's history, we also covered a lot of ground in thematic areas, eg. transport, housing, nature, sports, etc. The book is also wonderfully illustrated and designed (Epigram Books' brilliant designer really outdid herself, adding drawings and graphic elements to every page, which lend such vibrancy to the text). Here's a sample spread of the Food section.

We inserted many snippets of information that we call Fascinating Facts to make the narrative richer, on things that we thought kids would find interesting, even if they were not as historically significant.

We've kept it neutral. We tried to stick to the facts, to be as objective as possible. Our aim is to educate in a fun way - we're not interested in making any sort of statement, political or otherwise. When choosing what areas to cover, we focused on what we thought kids would find interesting. For instance, we deliberately chose not to cover the Singapore economy. And because the book is not commissioned by anyone, we're not obliged to include or exclude certain things, or to write it in a certain way.

We don't claim that the book is comprehensive (although we do cover a lot!) or that it can replace local history textbooks. But we truly believe that it would be a great supplement to help kids better understand what they're learning (and hopefully raise their interest). I wouldn't put it past some adults to enjoy this too. At the very least, it might make you nostalgic reading about some of the things we grew up with!

We've been very encouraged by the positive advanced reviews of Secrets of Singapore.

“A very comprehensive and interesting recounting of Singapore’s history from its earliest times, Secrets of Singapore is wonderfully written in a style that is exquisitely simple and appropriate for young readers.” —Koh Boon Long, former MOE Deputy Director, National Education, and retired principal

“Danger Dan and Gadget Girl have really outsmarted me this time. There are secrets of Singapore that I didn’t even know about! Secrets of Singapore is a comprehensive account of everything Singaporean—from history to politics to transport, education and food—and has fascinating details, interesting commentaries and humorous illustrations. It is a book that should be in every Singaporean kid’s collection.” —Dr Cheah Yin Mee, partner and consultant, Learning Ventures, council member, Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD) Singapore

“I wish Danger Dan and Gadget Girl were around to help me with History back when I was in school. Secrets of Singapore will be a boon for those mugging for Social Studies, as it presents facts about the social and cultural history of Singapore in an interesting way, with memorable illustrations by James Tan.” —Lim Cheng Tju, country editor for the International Journal of Comic Art

“An easy-to-read, interesting book that should appeal to any young reader who wants to find out more about Singapore’s history. It also contains many fun facts that are not commonly known.” —Lee Siong Boon, History teacher

Pre-orders for Secrets of Singapore

Finally, how to buy the book! The book should hit bookstores end July/early August in time for National Day (yes, it was timed that way!) Retail price is $15.95 (after GST).

However, you can pre-order the book from my favourite bookseller Closetful of Books, who has generously offered a 10% discount on Secrets of Singapore, from now till 19 July 2015 midnight. Click on this link and key in the coupon code SECRETSOFSINGAPORE at the last stage of the payment process to enjoy the discount. The discount will apply to my other books as well (other Danger Dan books and The Good, the Bad and the PSLE) and shipping is free if you spend at least S$30!

Secrets of Singapore will be delivered to you within two weeks of its release date (24 July 2015). Lesley-Anne and I will autograph all books purchased from Closetful of Books and they will include a small gift as well.

The aftermath of Charlie Chan

So a few weeks ago, this graphic novel The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye by Sonny Liew, made headlines when its NAC grant was revoked due to its politically sensitive content.

Since then, the book has been selling like hot cakes. Its first two print runs totalling 2,500 copies have sold out as fast as McDonald's Hello Kitty toys and it's into its third print run. It has become the best-selling fiction title in local bookstores, knocking the dubious 50 Shade of Grey off its spot.

I'm glad the book has sold well. I haven't read it but I flipped through the sample and I thought the drawings were vibrant and gorgeous. Reviews of it have almost been unanimously gushing.

However, I'm writing this post because I feel that NAC has been unfairly villainised in this whole episode. Many people have lashed out at NAC, mocking them for their myopia that has now created a mini local sensation. For some, it was yet another reason to jump on the gahmen-bashing bandwagon, which has become so fashionable.

First, I have to say that I don't like how NAC pulled the grant. I mean, if they didn't feel the book was suitable in the first place, they shouldn't have offered the grant. When you offer a grant, the publisher takes into those numbers when working out its bottomline. In case you didn't know, publishers' profit margins are already razor-thin to begin with and they often lose money on books they don't sell. So when NAC pulled the rug from under their feet, that's not nice. I don't know the background - I'm guessing what happened is after LKY's death, the whole country just became more sensitive about political issues and NAC decided to take the more conservative route.

But what many people don't seem to understand is that a grant is like a gift. It is not an entitlement. Publishers are commercial entities, so NAC is not obliged to support them. A grant for a book is simply a show of financial support. Up to now, NAC has been very generous in offering grants for many local titles, so much so that some in the industry think publishers might have come to expect grants as a matter of fact. But in reality, not every book is entitled to or receives a grant. (Incidentally, the grant goes to the publisher, not the author, so it doesn't benefit or hurt Sonny Liew in any way.)

And then there's the ridiculous conjecture that NAC pulled the grant because they didn't want people to read the book, so this is a slap in the face for them. This is so illogical it boggles the mind. Since when does anyone read a book just because it has a grant from NAC?? Look, if NAC really didn't want the book to reach the public, they would have banned it. THE BOOK HAS NOT BEEN BANNED. You can still buy it (if you can get your hands on it!) It just hasn't been funded by NAC. That is all.

If I could use an analogy: You want go to a university to study a controversial course. The organisation that had previously offered you a scholarship decided the course was not in line with what they believe. So they pull the scholarship. But you are still free to study the course. The organisation is not stopping you from doing so. It's just that you won't get funding for it. (In fact, the scholarship doesn't affect you because the funding for your university studies was never coming from you anyway).

You may have noticed that the publisher of The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye is Epigram Books, who also happens to be my publisher of The Good, the Bad and the PSLE and the Danger Dan series (which have received NAC grants). I spoke to some people in Epigram Books about this and even though they didn't like that the grant was pulled, they too, thought NAC got a raw deal out of this episode.

I've met NAC staff on several occasions and worked with them on a few projects. They have been very accommodating and helpful, and I know it's not just to me. Many artists, writers, people in the industry, Epigram Books and even Sonny himself acknowledge that NAC has been very supportive. And no, I'm not saying it to be politically correct or because I "have to", for some ludicrous reason. I'm saying it because it's true.

So back to the grants. Do I feel that NAC should have given the grant for The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye on artistic merit alone? My personal opinion - yes. However, like any organisation, NAC has a right to decide how to dispense their money and I thought it was a shame that they have gained a reputation as dark as Darth Vader for this one decision, effectively cancelling out all the support they have given to books and authors in the past.

Perhaps we should look on the more positive side: as a result of this issue, the sales of the book has more than made up for the loss of the grant for Epigram Books. More people are reading this great graphic novel due to the publicity. Sonny Liew earns more royalties. And the grant that NAC had revoked can now go towards another book. Sounds like a win-win-win-win to me.

Why quiet kids love naughty characters

Last week, Lesley-Anne and I participated in two events. The first was NLB's Read! Fest on Friday at Bishan library where Lesley-Anne talked about growing her love of reading and writing, and we shared the behind-the-scenes process of getting Danger Dan published. We were surprised and very encouraged by the great turnout, which according to NLB, was quite large for a children's author. 

Even more heartening: two mums had brought their kids to listen to us speak because they said Danger Dan got their sons to love reading. One had even travelled all the way from Simei to Bishan to meet us! To us, that's the ultimate compliment for any author - that our books are not only read and loved, they spark the love of reading. We're so very moved.

The second event was the very next day at the Celebrate Singapore Books fair at Wisma Atria. It was a meet and greet session - we answered questions from the audience and signed autographs.

Again, we were so blessed to meet a few young Danger Dan readers whose parents took the time to bring them down to meet us.

One observation I've made when meeting our fans - the majority of them seem to be very shy and introverted. When I ask them a question, some of them speak in whispers. Sometimes, it takes nudging from their parents before they would ask for autographs. More often than not, it's parents who tell us their child wants to know whether there will be another Danger Dan book. 

You know what? I feel such an affinity with these kids. Some people may find it unusual that quiet kids like Danger Dan because Danny, the protagonist, is so hyperactive and noisy. But to me, that makes perfect sense. As a kid, I was painfully shy and bookish. Raising my hand to ask a question in class was as terrifying as jumping off a cliff. Yet one of my favourite series was the Nicholas books which feature a clueless, active and mischievous boy. The character couldn't be more different from me.

But what some adults don't understand is that Nicholas was appealing to me precisely because he was so different. Fiction is a gateway into a fantasy world for kids to live a different persona. Why would I want to read a book about a mousy little girl? I was already leading that life! How much more exciting it was to read about this kid who always got into trouble and said the silliest things. Plus the books are hilarious and great fun to read.

When Lesley-Anne and I conducted a primary school reading workshop under the ASCD last year, the class had a quite a few kids whose hands were perpetually up, asked 101 questions and talked non-stop. Funnily enough though, at the end of the session when we called out the names of the students who had come up with the most creative and vibrant ideas (they had drawn costumes and time-travel concepts before the session), we discovered that the winning drawings weren't from any of the chatterboxes but the quiet kids sitting in the corner with nary a peep. Still waters run deep.

Lesley-Anne and I understand this perfectly because we're both introverts. Just because we don't open our mouths doesn't mean nothing is happening in our heads. On the contrary, there could be a whole fantastical imaginary world in there just waiting to explode! (We're the perfect case in point: two introverted females writing about a loud-mouthed, excitable boy.) So if you have introvert kids, don't assume they are thinking ordinary, boring thoughts. Give them an outlet, a trigger for the imagination and be prepared to see their creativity soar.

Same thing with reading: sure, it's nice to read about characters that you can identify with but don't assume that because your child is quiet, he or she would only be interested in serious characters or books.

When Lesley-Anne and I conduct school talks, it's sometimes hard to tell if we're making any impact at all, especially if the audience isn't very responsive. But we'd like to believe that sitting quietly in the school hall is a student who is encouraged by what we share and lives vicariously through Danger Dan. I imagine the kid snuggled on a comfortable cushion at home, chuckling to himself or herself while reading about Danny's silly antics. And that makes us very happy indeed.

School holiday appearances

We've been busy, busy, busy these school holidays! For Lesley-Anne, apart from studying for her block tests which take place right after the holidays, she and I have been hard at work on our upcoming special history edition of Danger Dan, Secrets of Singapore. The book is shaping up nicely and we're really excited about it. More will be revealed in good time! Incidentally, we've recently been told that Danger Dan books are now available in Phnom Penh. How cool is that?

Meanwhile, we have been invited to participate in a couple of events this coming week. The first is NLB's Read! Fest 2015. We will be speaking at Bishan Library this Friday 19 June 3-4pm.

The talk is similar to the one we conduct for schools - Lesley-Anne will share how she grew her love of reading and writing to become a published author, and we will also give an insight into what goes into publishing a book. We will leave ample time for Q and A as we love hearing from kids and readers, so this is the opportunity to ask all the burning Danger Dan questions you might have! If you have kids aged 9 and above, do bring them along. You may just drop in at the event on that day but if you want to ensure you have a seat, do register here. 

If you can't make it on Friday, you can also catch us the following day (Saturday 20 June) at the "Celebrate Singapore Books" fair at Wisma Atria basement 1, more specifically, the space currently occupied by Isetan Orchard. The fair is on from 16-30 June and is organised by the Singapore Book Publishers Association. We will be there to meet readers from 2-3pm or thereabouts. If you can't locate us, look for us at the Epigram Books booth. I believe most of the local publishers will be represented at the fair so do turn up and show your support for local lit!

What I have learned from the Sabah earthquake tragedy

It was supposed to be a celebratory weekend, with Singapore hosting the SEA Games. Then out of the blue, horrifying news emerged that a team of Tanjong Katong Primary kids with their teachers was trapped at Mount Kinabalu when an earthquake hit Sabah.

I felt heart sick at the news, especially when updates came in on the rising death toll. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. As it stands now, six students and one teacher have lost their lives. Tomorrow has also been declared a Day of National Remembrance in sympathy and support of the families who have lost their loved ones.

But even as condolences poured out for the victims and their families, there have been infuriating comments by netizens who are baying for MOE or the school's blood with righteous indignation, saying "they have to be accountable", also they need to "learn from this".

It made my blood boil. Why is it there are always folks who deem it necessary to open their mouths and say things that have no value to anyone whatsoever? This was an ACCIDENT. I capitalise it cos some people seem to have trouble understanding the meaning of the word. An appalling, tragic accident but an accident nonetheless. Accidents can happen anywhere, anytime. They are unforeseen.

This was not a case of negligence. Many have climbed the same route on Mount K before this group (yes, even kids) for years, without incident. It's considered challenging but not dangerous. An earthquake is something out of the ordinary. In the Borneo region, earthquakes aren't even that common. There was no reason to suspect that anything out of the ordinary would happen on this trip.

What disgusts me is that some people just have the need to blame others when something bad happens. Somebody must pay! (Worse still are those who use incidents as simply another opportunity to take pot shots at the gahmen). Newsflash: bad things do happen to good people. All the time. It often doesn't make sense and it doesn't mean it's necessarily somebody's fault. All that group did wrong was to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I think MOE, especially Minister Heng Swee Keat, has handled the situation with sensitivity and promptness. Much appreciation and admiration also go to the Sabah mountain guides who risked their own lives to save others, unlike some allegations of the ineptness of the Malaysian government. 

Photo: Vee Jun Dumlao

Some people are saying the incident was preventable and why should 12 year olds have to go to Mount K. I can understand that people are more upset cos it's kids. There's something about young lives cut short that's especially tragic and heart-wrenching. But behind the sentiment that we shouldn't allow kids to go to Mount K is the belief that I find more and more prevalent among Singaporean parents these days -  that we should shield our kids from anything that has even the remotest possibility of danger.

If we follow this argument, there will be no end because what one person considers "potentially dangerous" can differ drastically from the next. Go South Korea can get Mers. Go Middle East got civil unrest. Fly over Ukraine can get shot down. Go to NZ, Japan or China can have earthquakes. Maybe that means we shouldn't go overseas. But wait, my kid can also get hurt at Outward Bound School! Go camping can get dehydrated because not used to the heat. Or get hurt by wild boar. Ok ok, maybe no need to teach 12-year-olds leadership skills? Just go to school and back (and maybe tuition centre). But leave the house also can get knocked down by crazy drunk driver! (And anyway go to school also quite inconvenient these days. Must go all the way to Mount Sinai leh. MOE so one kind.) Maybe just stay home is best. Home-school lor. Wait a minute, stay at home also can have danger. Can get scalded by hot water, cut by sharp knives, suffocated by leaky gas pipes, etc. How liddat??

Ok, I may be exaggerating but you get my drift. At what point do we stop treating our children like they are made of glass? If parents feel that every accident is a justifiable reason to force the authorities' hand, very soon, we will be stunting our children's life experiences by curbing their every movement. As a result, we will be bringing up individuals who are completely incapable of functioning in society, let alone be a contributing member. As I've said before, if our entire life's goal is to not let anything happen to our kids, well...nothing ever will. We can't protect our children from every single "what if".

Everyone has their own risk appetite. If you really feel uncomfortable about letting your child go on an expedition, by all means, don't give permission. That's your right. But please don't strongarm MOE into mandating that every other parent should toe the line that you set. Here, a mum of an ex-TKPS student speaks up on the value of the Mount K expedition.

Back to the topic at hand, which is the responses to the incident. In a crisis, the most valuable people are those who offer help, offer support and if not, at least offer prayers. Not the ones who point fingers and think they are so brilliant cos they speak with the benefit of hindsight. These contribute nothing and make a difficult situation worse. Furthermore, I suspect many of these empty vessels are those who in a crisis, would be the least likely to help others. The ones who talk the most tend to do the least.

How we choose to respond to any situation is up to us. If there's something I "learned" from this episode, it's that challenging times reveal true characters. I cannot even imagine the pain the parents of the lost ones must be going through. The least we can do is show our solidarity and grieve with them. May we show ourselves to have a gracious heart.

Biodiversity and heritage at the Lee Kong Chian Museum

On 28 April, the Lee Kong Chian Natural History Museum at NUS officially opened and both Kenneth and Lesley-Anne, being biology and geography buffs, were looking very much forward to it. Even though I'm not much of a nature person, natural history museums are one of my favourite types of museums (other than fine art galleries).

So when the opportunity came along for a free visit plus a talk last Friday evening, Kenneth jumped on it and signed us up. Some basic history - the museum has had a tumultuous past, with its artefacts being moved from place to place for a long time. During Singapore's growth years when the focus was on the economy, the last thing the government had on its mind was funding for a collection of ancient artefacts. As a result, many of them were almost destroyed and some were lost.

Happily though, they now have a beautiful new home at NUS. I found the layout of the museum very user-friendly and easy to navigate. Ok, first up: most people who come to the museum are drawn primarily to the three dinosaurs - Prince, Apollonia and Twinky (the last name always makes me chuckle)!

They're right in the centre of the main hall and every half hour for a couple of minutes, coloured lights come on to give them an ethereal effect, which is pretty cool.

But as they like to remind visitors, the museum is so much more than just the dinos. If you would like to know more about the collections, Straits Times ran an informative article here.

Some of the biodiversity displayed is an integral reminder of Singapore's past, eg. when tigers roamed the island. In fact, they were so common that the museum would constantly receive gifts of tiger skins! The pic on the left is of a 1.75m leatherback sea turtle caught at Siglap Beach in 1883.

There are walls and walls of mammals, birds, fish and other zoological exhibits.

This is the comparison of a human skeleton with that of an orang utan.

Everyone in my family knows that I am afraid of, no...TERRIFIED of lizards. So when I saw this display, I was so grossed out I couldn't stop staring (if that even makes sense). It reminded me of the scene in Jurassic Park where Billy thought he was looking at a fossilised raptor and it turned out to be alive. I thought it was the most frightening exhibit in the museum...

 ...until I saw this:

As if squiggly lizards are not yucky enough, there are flying ones! I'm so never stepping into a jungle. My kids laughed at me. They so enjoy seeing me squirm. Though they showed the same level of horrified fascination at the insect walls:

I don't remember what these are but they look like something out of an Alien movie. Oh by the way, they have live scorpions in a glass tank too. That's really something.

And in the Arthropod zone, is one massive crab! I bet Andre is thinking those legs would taste pretty good in chilli sauce...

My honest opinion is that the museum is truly well worth a visit. Lesley-Anne was so enamoured with it she said she wouldn't mind returning for a repeat visit.

In order to ensure the crowds don't get too big, entry is by pre-booking ONLY. You can't just turn up and buy tickets. You book your tickets online for a pre-determined one-and-a-half hour time slot which means you won't have to jostle others to get a good view of the exhibits. Singapore residents pay $16 (adult) and $9 (child, senior citizen, NSF). You can book your tickets here. NUS staff and students enjoy free entry.

Improving relationships with MBTI

On the internet, it's common to find all kinds of quick tests that assess your personality type. What colour are you? What occupation should you have? What Harry Potter character are you? And so on. Most of these are for fun and a little hokey because we all know that there is more to someone's personality than can be prescribed by just answering a few simple questions.

However, I've always felt that there is some merit to understanding your family members' personalities for pragmatic purposes. Knowing what makes them tick, what they need, the circumstances under which they function best, etc, can be helpful in growing an appreciation of each other and reducing conflicts.

By far, the most comprehensive personality test out there is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Some people find this doesn't work for them as their personality might not fall anywhere within the 16 types but for our family, it's pretty accurate.

The MBTI test is not free but you can try a very similar one here. Kenneth, Lesley-Anne and I tried it and we got the same results as when we did the MBTI previously. When kids are too young, their personality might still be forming so it's better to take the test when they're older. Andre only took the test about a year ago and his results surprised me a little. I always thought he was an ENFP but it turns out he's an ESFJ. This means he's caring, social and popular (think cheerleader!) but needs structure and certainty (it explains why every time I ask him to try something new, he will get anxious and bombard me with all sorts of "what if" questions).

Knowing personality types can be very helpful for parenting and learning how best to respond to our kids. Eg Kenneth, the ESTJ, focuses on discipline and structure while I, the INTP, focuses on knowledge. So together, we provide a good deal of physical and intellectual support. Unfortunately, since Kenneth and I are both T on the Thinking-Feeling scale, we tend to overlook emotional support and the double whammy is that both our kids are Fs (Lesley-Anne is an INFP), meaning this is precisely what they need! When our kids encounter a setback, Kenneth is likely to lecture and I tend to lead them through where they went wrong. But what they actually crave is emotional support and comfort. Understanding this, we now consciously try to offer this when they're feeling discouraged (even though it's quite counter-intuitive to us).

The knowledge can also allow for more effective assignment of tasks. Hypothetically if we're going on a holiday and we want to divvy up the tasks as such:

1) Logistics: transport and hotel arrangements, planning meals, getting tickets etc
2) Knowledge: do research on the historical and cultural background of the places we visit, significance of attractions, etc
3) Social: mingling with the locals, talking and spending time with them to understand how they live
4) Journaling: creating a visual and written record of photos, pictures and blog of the trip

Based on our personality types, the ideal assignment would be:

Logistics: Kenneth (Administrator extraordinaire)
Knowledge: Me ("There's always an opportunity for learning!")
Social: Andre (Mr Personality)
Journaling: Lesley-Anne (Inspired by beauty everywhere)

The nightmare version of this would be:

Logistics: Me ("Is the train leaving in 15 or 50 minutes?")
Knowledge: Andre ("Leaning Tower of Pisa...pizza...I wonder if there's anything to eat...")
Social: Lesley-Anne ("Just say hello...*10 minutes later*... just say hello...")
Journaling: Kenneth ("I think I'll just stick a smiley face after every picture.")

As mentioned, not everyone finds that MBTI works for them but it does for us. If you can find a type that describes you very well, the MBTI can be useful in many ways, such as pointing the way to career types and understanding the way you learn. Do know though, then over time, one's personality can also change slightly so you shouldn't let it define you.

Even if you don't take it too seriously, it's fun checking out the many MBTI charts out there to find out which Star Wars character you are, which Disney character you are and so on. Here's a funny one on prayer - spot on for me!  

Keep calm and mother on

I've sure the person who decided that Mothers' Day should be right smack in the middle of exams is a non-mother with mummy issues. Because nobody can be that cruel. As a friend told me, this is ironically the period when her sons love her the least, what with all the screaming and panicking going on (the mother, not the sons. The sons apparently couldn't understand why an exam period wasn't just another day, ie chillax day).

Anyway, Andre is right smack in the middle of his SA1 and Lesley-Anne, even though her exams are only after the June hols (which is even more sadistic!) is juggling several deadlines, including her first H3 Literature draft.

So Mothers' Day was a quiet affair in our household (not that I'm complaining - I like quiet). For lunch, our fantastic helper whipped up an oxtail stew dish worthy of a Hainanese chef. Seriously, we eat like kings in our home, thanks to her.

My kids somehow found the time to make something for me. All done in a hurry, I'm sure, but still very much appreciated. It's exam time after all and they know I'd much rather see the good grades, heh.

Dinner was a quick break at Aston's, one of our regular eating places. The food is good and easy on the wallet (something that's increasingly a consideration as Andre continues to eat like a vacuum cleaner!) Andre loves the rib-eye here and for just $19.90, you can get the Prime Ribeye X'tra Cut which is 250g of juicy prime steak in mushroom sauce with two sides. Can't be beat.

And since we're on the topic of mothers, a small piece of news: there's a book out by Armour Publishing. Quite funnily, it's called Keep Calm and Mother On which is pretty applicable to this period! It's a compilation of 21 stories by mothers of all ages and from all walks of life.

I was invited to contribute an article and mine is on raising a book-writing daughter, something you're probably familiar with if you've been reading my blog! Whether you're a new mum or a seasoned one, you might find solace in the stories featured here. I'm told you get a 15% discount if you buy from the link above and key in the code "motheringon21".

I hope all you mums had a relaxing Mothers' Day and remember, our kids may not always say it (especially during this period!) but I'd like to believe  we're all supermums in their minds. ♥ ♥ ♥

 

Dance little lady dance

It wasn't that long ago when I wrote about Lesley-Anne enjoying JC life, partly due to her love for dance and her Dance CCA. In the blink of an eye, it's time for her to step down as a senior (the JC2s stop CCA from mid of the year so they can focus on the fast approaching A levels).

Joining the dance group was the most fulfillment Lesley-Anne has ever gotten out of any CCA. She has not only improved tremendously on her dance techniques, she has also had the opportunity to perform many different dance styles.

Being part of dance is no walk in the park. People often have the mistaken idea that a dance CCA only dances or learns choreography. The truth is a huge chunk of each three-hour session is spent on technical exercises and each session starts with PT (push-ups, crunches, etc). Dance is a very physically demanding performing art, almost like a sport.

In fact, Lesley-Anne is now the most physically fit I've ever seen her. If you've followed my blog, you'll know that sports has never been Lesley-Anne's forte. For the NAPFA test, she's always struggled with the 2.4km run but from her dance training, running stopped becoming a hurdle. This year, for the first time since primary school, she scored a gold in NAPFA. She was so motivated she decided to try and maintain her fitness by going jogging twice a week. Here she is with Andre. Brother and sister running together! Who would've thought?

It has been such a huge blessing for Lesley-Anne to be part of her dance CCA, in no small part because of the instructor, Dan Kwoh. Despite her not having joined a dance CCA previously, Mr Dan took a chance on her and gave her the opportunity to blossom. He's a terrific mentor to his students and great at identifying potential. Eg. if he feels that a student is particularly skilled at expression, he will give her an opportunity to showcase this. He noticed Lesley-Anne's technique (as a result of her ballet training) and gave her a pas de deux (dance duet) part in the school's Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) item. Ok, it's also partly because Lesley-Anne is so petite - it means she's easier to lift!   

Mr Dan is not just a great teacher, he's a fantastic choreographer. That explains why he's so popular as a dance instructor for schools. He's currently teaching 6 schools and choreographed all the dances for this year's SYF. He held a mini rehearsal/concert for family members of all 6 schools to see the performances and I was completely impressed by the sheer scale and creativity of all the dances.

This is a pic of one of the secondary school items.

And these two pics below are of Lesley-Anne's school dance. Mr Dan tends to pick more abstract concepts for JC and this one depicts the fear and loneliness associated with dementia. I know, right? So cheem! But I thought they totally pulled it off - it was beautiful and haunting.

You can watch the full performance here. Sorry for bad recording - this was taken from our seats and we couldn't find the official SYF video online.

All 6 of Mr Dan's schools achieved Distinction for this year's SYF. I can't say I'm surprised but it speaks volumes of his skills and dedication as a dance educator.

I think Lesley-Anne is very fortunate to have discovered something she's passionate about and been given the opportunity to pursue the passion in a nurturing environment. I've always thought dance to be an exquisite art form and is pure poetry in motion. As pioneer American modern dancer and choreographer Martha Graham put it, "Dance is the hidden language of the soul." Such a blessing that Lesley-Anne is able to channel this language as a mode of expression.

"The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word." - Mata Hari