Easy and scrumptious shepherd's pie

I'm no cook. But I do have a few fail-safe recipes for Western food, which my kids love. You probably know me by now, cooking is one of my lowest priorities, above cleaning and below playing computer games. So my recipes tend to be as simple as possible, which is not that easy a task considering I have four (including myself) very discerning eaters at home.

I'm sharing this recipe for shepherd's pie - it's quite a constant in my household and is a great one-dish meal.

First, fry up 600g of minced beef or pork (we usually use a combination) with onions. If you like, you can marinate the meat with a little salt and pepper beforehand.

Then, and here's the secret - take a bottle of 10oz Prego Pasta Sauce, pour about a quarter of the contents into the minced meat, stir and let it simmer until the sauce is nicely absorbed by the meat.

If you are crying "cop out!", let me say this: by all means, you slave over your home-made tomato sauce making sure you have the right combination and amounts of ingredients. Meanwhile, I pop open a bottle and have the remaining 45 minutes to play with my kids. And chances are my sauce will still taste as good as (if not better than) yours.

While the meat is simmering, mash about five potatoes. If you've never done homemade mashed potatoes, try it. It's not that difficult and its taste can never be replicated by that packet rubbish. Just boil or microwave the potatotes until you can poke a fork right through. Peel the skin, mash, add some salt, lots of milk and butter until the consistency is soft and creamy.

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees celcius. Place the meat mixture in a dish, spoon the mashed potato on top, sprinkle paprika on top and bung it in the oven. Cook for 20 minutes.

Tah-dah! Serve hot with side garden salad if you wish. Always a family favourite and great for parties.

Driving Miss and Master Tan

Recently, Kenneth got into a fender bender with the car. When he called me to inform me of the unfortunate incident, my first thought shamefully, was not "was anybody hurt?" but "lucky not me".

You see, I am a nervous driver. After I earned my license, I drove only for about three years before I got pregnant and then I had the perfect excuse to give it up. Since then, I've managed to evade the issue using emotional blackmail - "do you want me to endanger our kids??", which worked especially since Kenneth was a willing chauffeur and I was more than willing to be chauffeured. When he was at work, I was perfectly happy taking the bus and the MRT.

But then things started getting complicated about two years ago. While Lesley-Anne and Andre take the school bus, they sometimes have after school activities which fell outside of school bus hours. Still not a problem, I would go and fetch them in a cab when that happened occasionally. Then Kenneth started working in the city where the parking and ERP fees are just atrocious. Added to that, petrol prices were rocketing like there was no tomorrow. He found a super private bus that charged a low flat rate for a trip right into town from a bus-stop just outside our estate, and that became his mode of transport to work.

That meant there was a perfectly functional car sitting pretty at home, while Kenneth took a bus to work and I took a taxi to fetch my kids to their CCAs. Even I had to admit my excuses were starting to sound lame and without conviction. So I grasped the bull by the horns (or rather, the car by its power steering) and started driving again.

There've been a few near misses (and once where a side concrete wall eluded my eyes and multiple mirrors when I was parking, but no need to get into that). I'm one of those drivers who will proceed at snail pace when filtering onto a crowded expressway, signaling madly and yelling at my kid behind "Don't talk to me now! I'm driving!" Once when I was attempting to parallel park next to a coffee shop, I saw a whole group of kopi uncles eyeing me with interest. I'm pretty sure they were taking bets as to whether I would hit the railing.

I have suggested to Kenneth that we wrap giant sponge around the car. Afterall, Singaporeans are just frightful drivers. When I'm driving, I'm constantly muttering to myself like an escaped lunatic: "What, your signal for decoration ah?" "Red light cannot see, colour blind izzit?" "Mad, park here like your grandfather's road like that."

My driving skills are much better now, after almost two years back on the road. But you know, I've come to the conclusion that driving is like exercise, ie:

1. You get better with practice but may never actually come to enjoy it.
2. Some people just have two left feet - disastrous for both activities.
3. Doesn't matter that you're perfectly coordinated, some idiot can always come crashing into you.

So as I drive my prince and princess around, I chalk it up to another sacrifice I'm making for them. Years later, they'd better be returning the favour and preferably not to the nursing home.

Top 10 expenses other parents never warned you about

Time for another Top 10 list!

Everybody knows having children is an expensive endeavour. But most new or would-be parents naively believe that their hard-earned money will go to useful things like diapers or clothes or transport, and that they have to save up for a university education.

Wow, are they in for a surprise! Sure, these things cost quite a lot but in reality, the biggest chunk of your precious paycheck won’t be going to these necessities. Long after you’ve completed paying for your kid’s time at Montessori, you’ll be dishing out dough for other stuff, sometimes unwittingly, even willingly.

So what are these curious items? Here is my Top 10 list of where a parent’s money really goes to:

1. Cartoon merchandise

TV is bad for your kids and not just for the reason you think. After your sons become hooked on Ben 10, they will need to live and breathe Ben 10, which means they will need the Ben 10 water bottle, Ben 10 shoes, Ben 10 t-shirt, Ben 10 figurines, and of course the Omnitrix ($49.95! And it doesn’t turn you into monsters or even tell time). Likewise for girls, they must have the Winx Club mini skirt, Winx Club colouring book, Winx Club stationery set, Winx Club lunchbox. And you thought watching tv was free.

2. Tutors

This one is a no-brainer. If you live in Singapore and have kids studying in the Singapore education system, chances are you have caved in to the tuition culture. A Straits Times poll of 100 kids in primary school to JC found that only 3 had no tuition at all (maybe these kids had parents who were tutors). If you’re an English speaking family, lagi worse – sure kenah Chinese tutor. I think half the Chinese nationals here made a beeline for Singapore just to give tuition to our jiak kantang kids. It’s an attractive proposition - primary school fees are only $5.50 a month, tuition is $40 per hour.

3. Tissue

Along with their cousins, paper napkins and kitchen towels. Name a kid who’s not usually wet or dirty or has something in his hands that’s wet or dirty. And if your kid is a boy, chances are he’s a dirt magnet. We have a box of tissue in every room in the house, as well as two in the car and numerous packs in the outing bag. Half the world’s rainforest was probably felled so we could have something convenient to wipe runny noses, sticky mouths and grubby hands. I bet all the people who own shares in Kleenex are parents.

4. Handphones, ipods and other thingamajigs

If you want to spot the newest handphone model or the coolest ipod, just look to teenagers. They’re never the ones who pay for it, but they carry the latest trends while mum and dad hang on to their relic Nokia. (To be fair, it's probably because mum and dad can't figure out how to work that new-fangled thingy). IT is the new fashion icon and since technology dates faster than the speed of light, your kids will be clammering to own the newest gadgets and gidgets to hit the market. My kids are not there yet but it's a ticking time bomb... this is their world.

5. Dentist

I was recently told by Adeline that a full set of braces can cost something like $8,000. To straighten teeth, for Pete’s sake! Of course my kids have wayward teeth, darn it. I’ve suggested to Lesley-Anne and Andre that they learn to smile without showing their bottom teeth so I only need to pay half. And God forbid if you need extra work, like root canals. Dentists must be the only people where we willingly offer money for pain. I imagine dentists and orthodontists hold conventions just to celebrate the rise of the national birth rate. Afterall, their mortgages and fancy cars were probably paid by parents.

6. Little toy cars

Ok, this one generally only applies to boys but they more than make up for it for the other gender. Before I had a son, I never understood why toy stores sold a gazillion different types of miniature vehicles. I mean, a toy car is a toy car, right? Boy, was I off the mark and by a whole different planet. Every boy needs the entire collection of convertibles, sedans, 4-wheel drives, diggers, trucks, vans, buses, taxis and in EVERY SINGLE COLOUR. I would name more except I’m hampered by my limited transportation vocabulary. At the height of his craze, Andre had almost 150 little vehicles and he still complained he didn’t have “the Hong Kong taxi in blue”. By the way, the male species never outgrows this phase – the cars just get bigger.

7. Popular Bookstore

This one I’m naming specifically because it’s not just any bookshop. If studies are to be believed, bookstores in Singapore are a dying business because people are reading less and less. But Popular Bookstore sells books as an afterthought – they’re really all about assessment books and stationery, and that’s a clever business plan if I ever saw one. I have never seen parents so happy to part with their money as they cart off piles of assessment books with the hope that their blur kids will become geniuses overnight. Stationery? Another thing that requires constant replenishment. I’m convinced there’s a Bermuda Triangle somewhere in my living room where erasers, pencils and rulers inexplicable disappear.

8. Correction tape

You might think huh? Correction tape? Which probably means you don’t have in kid older than 8. When students first start using pens in school, usually at p3, they get all excited about leaving their babyish pencils behind. I used to think, good! No more hunting for erasers. Little did I know what Pandora's box I'd opened. Remember the old days when we had to colour on the white paint and wait for it to dry? Now, you just roll it on in a neat white strip, no drying needed. But naturally technology comes at a cost. I buy correction tape by the 6-pack and these last a month if I’m lucky, JUST FOR LESLEY-ANNE. I imagine correction tape companies must cheer when worksheets and test papers are difficult because the kids have to keep correcting their mistakes.

9. Batteries

You'd think it’s the toy that empties your wallet but you’re highly mistaken – it’s the 20,000 batteries you have to keep buying to keep that darn remote control car going. I think toy makers conspire with battery makers to produce toys that suck up battery fluid faster than Andre can polish off a chocolate milkshake. And it’s not just toys – it’s watches, calculators, e-dictionaries and anything else with moving parts. When my kids get Christmas or birthday presents, these three little words strike fear in my heart: Batteries Not Included.

10. Ikea

Another store I’m naming. They’re so clever, these folks at Ikea. Everything is bright and colourful and enticing and with an innocent looking price-tag. With a personal membership book for your little one, big playroom and even kids’ trolleys, you think this is kids heaven. A three-legged lime green stool? Sure! Finger puppets? Why not! Before you know it, you have signed for the delivery of a trundle bed because of its cute giraffe appliqués, along with the matching orange wardrobe that looks like it emerged from some psychedelic cartoon. And we can even have Swedish meatballs before we leave! You know their tagline “You don’t have to be rich to be clever”? They’re probably right because once we enter the store, our IQ drops about 50 points.


I’m as much a victim of these nefarious individuals and companies as the next parent. But it’s a free market and I can’t really complain. Nobody forced me to buy all that stuff right? I just think that the gahmen should get these parties to contribute to the Baby Bonus – afterall, when couples have more children, they’re the ones laughing all the way to the bank.

Are you a key? Part 2

This is a follow-up post on my earlier one, Are you a key? In that post, I spoke about how we shouldn't try to be keys, ie make ourselves so indispensable in our children's lives that they are unable to lead independent, meaningful lives.

I'm writing a part 2 because there's another common issue with parents who are keys. I've seen many keys in my extended family. They were keys to their kids and some of them are now keys to their grandchildren. I found that what many of them shared in common was the fact that they have defined themselves only in relation to the people around them. There is nothing wrong with being a mother, wife, daughter, sister - these are all great roles. But the danger of defining yourself only by others is that once these others are not around, you are nothing. This phenomenon is more prevalent in women than men. I think it has to do with the traditional roles that women have grown up with, that we somehow have a duty to serve others more than men do.

Society doesn't help at all, by putting mothers on a pedestal. Motherhood is widely regarded as the most important job for a woman. Once you're a mother, your status instantly goes up the hierarchy. The down side is that expectations are sky high. The pressure is on mothers to put her children as her number one priority, ahead of everything else, including herself (notice this is seldom the case for fathers). As a result, many women eventually come to define their role in a rather lopsided way, only as mother.

Here's what happens then: These women become keys - they do everything for their kids and their lives revolve around their kids. Then when their kids grow up, go away to school, get married or move out, they suddenly find that their lives are empty because the reason for their existence is gone. These are the women who are most likely to suffer from the Empty Nest Syndrome. And I know from looking at some of my relatives that the consequences are not always pleasant. Perhaps the more secure ones will look for something else to occupy their time, but others will desperately try to regain their dominance in their kids lives, using emotional blackmail, threats and tantrums - leading to what is often a stifling relationship.

But in a way, can you really blame them? If you have dedicated your life to just one thing, all your emotions and ambitions will be invested in only that thing. And if that "thing" doesn't need you anymore, there's bound to be resentment.

This tends to occur more with women who are SAHMs (Stay At Home Mums), not because they are "weaker" or in any way less intelligent but because the homefront tends to be defined only by family and that's where their domain lies. Women who go out to work live part of their lives in the work domain and so usually have another identity to call their own.

I write this NOT as a criticism of SAHMs, I have every respect for what I feel is one of the most underappreciated jobs in the world. I'm mentioning this only so that if you are a SAHM, you might pause to consider if you might be in danger of becoming a key, even without realising it. If you find that your daily activities and thoughts evolve only around your children's needs and wants, then WAKE UP NOW and do something for yourself. And I don't mean necessarily going out to get a job. Or buying yourself a nice handbag as a CNY present once a year or stopping to have a cup of coffee every now and then. I mean, find something you enjoy doing and find time to do it regularly. It can be anything, really. Eg. if someone asks me who I am, besides mum and wife, I can say "obsessive blogger", "writer", "logic puzzle solver", "reluctant exerciser", "entrepreneur" (if I'm feeling grand about myself). You get the drift.

I recently had a chat with a mum who home-schools her kids. She was enthusing about how great home-schooling was, how she could devote all the time to her kids, how she could make sure they get the best education possible. At the end of the conversation, I felt like I was a selfish mum to not want to home-school my kids and to subject them to a second-rate education. I will qualify that I know this mum and she's a fabulous person - it's not her intention to make me feel that way. Perhaps it's the fact that home-schoolers do come under a lot of fire (much of it unfair) so she felt the need to be extra fervent in justifying her choices.

But it goes to show that mums are so susceptible to feeling guilty, even if it's just the slightest implication that we are not doing the absolute utmost for our kids. And mothers already feel enough guilt (we internalise everything bad that happens to our kids), so we probably need to be careful not to add to it.

Being a good mum doesn't mean you have to have home-baked muffins waiting for them when they come home from school. It doesn't mean you have to be there to wipe every sniffle, kiss every bruised knee, sharpen every pencil. Shame on you if you think you're somehow a better mum than the next person because you do all that.

Having your own life and interests outside of your kids doesn't mean you love them less. It means you are a well-balanced individual who understands that a mum who takes care of herself is one who is more emotionally and physically prepared to take care of her kids. I'm pretty sure that in the long run, your kids will thank you for it.

25 random things about me

This is a post created out of sheer laziness. I was tagged on Facebook to write 25 random things about myself (something like my earlier MEME post), so I'm just reproducing it here.

1. I watch my kids and wonder how I could have produced 2 polar opposites.

2. If I want a good laugh, I just spend time with Andre.

3. I exercise but I hate it.

4. I shouldn't snack at night but I can't stop.

5. I'm terrified of lizards.

6. I'm terrified of cockroaches.

7. I have a recurring nightmare where I'm stuck in a little room teeming with lizards and cockroaches.

8. I watch Prison Break solely because of Wentworth Miller.

9. Habitual lateness irritates me.

10. I'll almost always opt to watch a tv series over a movie.

11. I think Coldplay is the most brilliant band to come along since the Beatles.

12. "Let's rough it out in the wild" is possibly the worst suggestion you can offer me.

13. I'm materially low maintenance but emotionally high maintenance.

14. I'm addicted to reality tv, especially Survivor, American Idol and Project Runway.

15. I'm addicted to Super 3-in-1 coffee.

16. I'm addicted to Scrabble on Facebook.

17. I'm not above self-promotion for my blog which has garnered almost 13,000 hits!

18. I despise men who marry bimbos and women who marry himbos.

19. I think some parents should be sterilised by the state.

20. I am the clumsiest person I know.

21. Bad grammar makes me cringe - occupational hazard.

22. I love sad books and happy endings.

23. I dislike confrontation, but I hate avoidance even more.

24. I'll take Ya Kun over Starbucks anytime.

25. I love my job - mum and writer.

"If you want us to raise your child, Press 6"

This is a hilarious true account and is a reminder that we sometimes expect teachers to do our jobs as parents.

The Pacific Palisades High School in California implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. Following that, the school and teachers were sued by parents who wanted their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The school staff voted unanimously to record this message on their school telephone answering machine:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his homework - Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To swear at staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get information that we already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realise this IS the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country.

Too bad they never actually used it.

Books for animal lovers

Lesley-Anne loves animals (she wants to be a vet when she grows up) so naturally, she's partial to books and movies about animals. I've put together some recommendations of what I feel are some terrific reads for kids who are animal lovers.

First, some wonderful classics:

1) Charlotte's Web by EB White

Who can forget the enigmatic Charlotte and her magical web-spinning abilities that saved her friend Wilbur, the pig? The movie starring the prodigious Dakota Fanning is delightful - one of the rare movies that I feel do justice to a book. But still, do encourage your child to read the book first.

2) Black Beauty by Anna Sewell

Told in the first person by a horse, the story traces Black Beauty's life and his experiences with hardship and human cruelty (and kindness) to horses. The story was written based on Sewell's own concern for animal welfare and was published to rave reviews back in 1877 as the first book to portray the world from a horse's point of view.

3) Animal Farm by George Orwell

One of the great literary classics. The characters are animals but really, it's a social commentary about Stalinism. Probably more suitable for older kids but the message is so powerful that I'm sure most kids would be moved to tears over the treatment of Boxer the loyal donkey and indignant over Napolean the boar's corruption and ruthlessness.

4) 101 Dalmatians by Dodie Smith

Also made into a movie which wasn't very good, in my opinion. The book has so much more character. In this book, animals are the main characters and humans are the "pets". The story is about two dalmatians, Pongo and Missis who set off to rescue their puppies after they were stolen by the malevolent Cruella de Vil (one of the most memorable villains ever!) Smith wrote a sequel to the book, The Starlight Barking, which is lesser known but kids might enjoy reading about how the dalmatians ended up saving the human race.

5) Watership Down by Richard Adams

Two different people mentioned this to me within the space of two days as one of the books that made a real impression on them growing up. It is about a group of rabbits who escape their warren which was being destroyed, to find a new home. The adventures, perils and social issues faced by the rabbits have been described as reflective of human struggles and the relationship between the individual and the state.

6) Lassie Come-Home by Eric Knight

This book launched a movie and popular tv series that made Lassie a household name in the 1960s. Boy's dog is sold, dog braves rough terrain and long distance to return home to boy. It's a simple, touching story of faith and loyalty. Lesley-Anne says most of her friends love this book.

7) The All Creatures Great and Small series by James Herriot

I'm an animal lover too, but I prefer to read books about humans with animals rather than animals as the main characters. If you're like me, you'll love this series about the world's most famous vet. The escapades of Herriot as he traverses the Yorkshire countryside to tend to his animal patients are told in a charming and humorous style. One of my all-time favourite series. It comprises four books: All Creatures Great and Small, All Things Bright and Beautiful, All Things Wise and Wonderful, and The Lord God Made Them All.


The above are classic titles, but if you're looking for something more current, here are three I've come across that are pretty good.

8) A Dog's Life by Peter Mayle

Peter Mayle is more well known for his books on the French countryside, but this one is a real gem for dog lovers. Seen from the eyes of Boy, a canine of mysterious lineage (aka mutt), the book follows this dog's hilarious wanderings and thoughts, such as the temptation of white bedspreads and humans' strange obsession with personal hygiene. The drawings are so fun and true to Boy's character. Lesley-Anne loves this book.

9) The Promised One by David Alric

This one is entirely Lesley-Anne's recommendation. I chanced upon it by accident and it turned out to be one of the books she's most enamoured with. It's about Lucy, a girl who discovers that she is the Promised One - the one who can communicate with all animals and whose destiny is to save the planet. There's a list at the end of the book entitled Lucy's Lexicon, which contains the character's very creative names for different animals, eg. the jaguar is called junglefang.

10) The Lionboy series by Zizou Corder

This trilogy is about a young boy named Charlie who can talk Cat, after his blood was accidentally swapped with a leopard cub. His parents are kidnapped by evil pharmaceutical company which wants to stop their cure for asthma and allergies. Charlie tries to find his parents and fight the evil. On the way, he finds himself having to help six lions return to the wild. Very imaginative writing. The three books in the series are Lionboy, Lionboy: The Chase and Lionboy: The Truth.

Waxing lyrical about sports

Kenneth and I are strong believers in getting our kids to be physically active, for long-term health benefits. As described in an earlier post, I mentioned how our kids learned swimming and then progressed to taekwondo. They've since both stopped their taekwondo lessons, Lesley-Anne because she has attained her junior black belt and Andre because of his intensive badminton schedule.

Andre's natural affinity with sports is something I admire because I have two left feet. Unfortunately, Lesely-Anne has inherited my klutz genes. Both of us wear bruises like battle scars because we're constantly tripping over our own feet, stubbing our toes, whacking our elbows into walls and God knows what else. Ballet has not changed this for Lesley-Anne. Funny how grace and clumsiness can go hand in hand.

The contrast is most glaring when Lesley-Anne and Andre do the same physical activity. When we both started family badminton sessions, Andre picked up the sport much quicker, despite being so tiny then that the racket looked longer than him. Kenneth brought both of them for a run and he found it impossible to manage them together because Lesley-Anne was lagging behind while Andre was off like a rocket way ahead. We still encourage Lesley-Anne to go for a run regularly because that's the only exercise she gets these days but it's a real effort for her.

When I made both of them learn to ride a bike, Lesley-Anne's progress was slow and wobbly and even though she can do it now, she's still not entirely in control of the bike when she rides. Andre took just one session of 45 minutes and never looked back, maneouvering sharp turns and corners confidently like a pro. He loves it so much that he often takes the bike downstairs for a spin on afternoons that he doesn't have badminton training. I'm glad he has an outlet to release all his excess energy and I do find that he's more refreshed to focus on work after those sessions.

This finding is borne out in a recent Straits Times segment on how to help your kids through school. It listed 8 things parents can do but I will just highlight one. It says: "Get them involved in sports. Research shows that being physically active helps kids do better in their studies."

I don't really like that headline as it seems to imply that once again, studies are all that matter and sports is just another way of helping the kids get better at it. If parents think enrolling their children in sports will immediately raise their grades, then I think they will be disappointed. Much like parents who think starting their kids on music lessons is an instant formula for making them better at maths.

What the article is saying is that physical activity develops the part of our brain that helps us pay attention and be mentally alert, hence contributing to better academic scores (which is consistently higher across different age groups in fit kids than sedentary kids). It cites studies which show that young atheletes' school performance improves during the sporting season and drops during off-season. So if you're thinking of stopping your kids from participating in sports CCAs so they can focus on their studies, do reconsider, your plan may actually backfire.

I believe that sports, like music, should be encouraged for their intrinsic benefits, otherwise the pleasure you derive from such activities is lost. But if academic achievements improve as a result, that's such a great bonus, don't you think?

Badminton training for my little dynamo

So far, 2009 has started well for Andre. After the initial disappointment on learning that his school badminton team was to be scrapped following budget re-allocation, we signed him up at a badminton academy as advised by his coach. Initially, training was quite senang as he was placed in a beginner's class and he rather enjoyed being one of the better ones, as was the case when he was training in school.

Then a couple of weeks ago, he was moved to an intermediate class and his ego was quickly deflated. That first week, there were only two other boys in that group, both his age. One has been training three times a week for the past two years, the other is occasionally brought to Malaysia by his father for training. These kids are serious man, I tell you! And the coach for this group was from China, get this - a former Thomas Cup champion. Wah, colour me intimidated. Just looking at him with his unsmiling demeanour and crew cut, I could imagine him demolishing his opponents one by one on the court.

But the difference in training was so obvious. By playing with (and losing to) better opponents, Andre's game quickly moved up a notch. And he learned that others are not playing to maintain a rally, they are playing to win points, so he has developed a killer instinct, especially with his smash. Which is bad news for me because I can no longer play a singles game with him (not that I was very good to begin with lah).

Then last week, even better news: the school teacher in charge of badminton managed to push for the school team to continue, probably reinforced by the excellent performance of the p6 school team in a recent tournament. So the school team and the coach are reinstated, at least for now. God has answered our prayers!

I brought Andre for the school trials and of course the coach already knew him from last year. He cuts such a funny figure on the court because he's so pint-sized, he's almost always the smallest one around. The school teacher doing the trials was Lesley-Anne's Chinese teacher in p3 so I went over to say hello. She asked me which boy Andre was (there were 20 kids at the court) and the coach piped up, "那小小只那个!" ("That small one!") The teacher then told me, "oh, that one cannot change CCA ok?"

I took it to mean that Andre shows promise and was very encouraged. Later, the coach also told me that Andre was pretty good and she could tell that his strokes, especially the high balls, were solid from the way they sounded. Here's a video clip of Andre practising his high balls with Kenneth.



I know I'm starting to sound like one of those boring mums who drone on and on about how good their kids are. Please indulge me a little, it's not often I get to say Andre is good at something! Badminton started out as a simple pasttime and it became something he has grown to be passionate about. I've been increasingly convinced that kids should pursue something they're really keen on (life is not just about school) and we're fortunate that he has identified his interest early, so we can nurture it. Especially since he has till now, lived in the shadow of his sister's academic achievements, this is something he can claim for himself.

I don't have any grand illusions about his sporting future - it's way too early to make any predictions and the fastest way to kill an interest is by being overly ambitious. Anyway, if you see some of the other kids at the academy, you will easily find many who are more skilled than him. His net skills especially, need lots of work. Plus he'll always have that height disadvantage, thanks to his two vertically-challenged parents.

But if he continues to enjoy the sport and can even make the school team, that would be a great boost to his self-esteem and identity. Added to that, it's healthy, it's wholesome and it builds all kinds of good values like sportsmanship and diligence, so there's no real downside (besides the time investment).

And here's a short clip of my little katek ayam having a game with his dad.

Grades are not everything - but don't just say it, mean it

American Idol is back and I don't know about you but I love watching all these ordinary people sing their way to stardom (yeah, David Cook!) In the early stage of each season, you have the mass auditions and I'm always fascinated by these deluded weirdos who seem to have crawled out of the woodwork by the thousands to have their shot at fame. What amazes me is that many of these people are not doing this as a joke, they actually believe they are the next Carrie Underwood. I mean, this is Season 8 and I assume they have watched past seasons, yet when Simon sends their dreams crashing down, they are truly shattered like they didn't even consider the possibility that they wouldn't make it to Hollywood.

And then comes the part the producers love: the now-raging, bitter contestant will scream obscenities at the judges, the camera, the show and say something like "The show is a joke! The judges are only interested in looks!" Didn't matter that the reject sounded like a frog with a sore throat.

This reminds me of the many parents I sometimes meet, who say things like "The Singapore system shouldn't just focus on paper qualifications" and "Grades are not everything". Which few will disagree with. And if the parent was someone whose child didn't do so well academically but was encouraged to be a budding artist or to shoot hoops or to build robots, then I'll whole-heartedly endorse that viewpoint.

But I find it difficult to empathise with parents who declare such statements not so much out of personal conviction but vested self-interest. While they slam the over-emphasis on academic pursuits, they ironically try to force the academic route down their kids' throats and every waking hour is spent on school, study and tuition. In the end, akin to the American Idol rejects, they're disgruntled only because their kids have not won the competition.

The danger is, at the end of the day, these parents can't really give an alternative as to what should be considered in place of grades because their kids have devoted so much their time to their studies that they have not developed any other skill or interest. So are these parents saying that schools or employers should take in their kids because... (well, no reason, they just should)? In place of some other child who may have had more success academically or in some other arena?

Here's my take: If you really believe that education should be all-rounded, then practise what you preach. Find ways to help your children identify their passions outside of their studies and help nurture these interests. It doesn't have to be a concrete skill like music or sports, it could even be something like leadership or community service (the desire to serve others is a GREAT gift). Obviously I'm not saying let your child fail exams, but create a healthy balance (our society is probably not as insular as you think, I believe there is room for everyone to make something of themselves). I'm very mindful of what Sir Ken Robinson said - the biggest tragedy that can happen is that in the process of education, our children's true talents are lost (I'm para-phrasing).

Grades are not everything. Of course they're not. But you should be prepared to offer something else in place of them.