It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a crazee... RUN!

Judging from the response to my last post, it appears that my experiences with sour grapes and uber competitive parents are not unique. I'm not sure whether to be reassured or appalled! However, I thought a follow-up post was warranted because although I advocate being happy for others' fortunes, in some cases, I actually think it's justifiable NOT to "rejoice" with another parent.

You know the type - the one who upon 2 seconds of running into you, will bombard you with her child's achievements, anything from winning competitions to something as trivial as giving a smart-ass retort to the teacher. This parent doesn't need an excuse to boast about her child, she just needs a platform. So good luck to you if you are the unwitting recipient. I dread meeting such parents, I usually beat a hasty retreat when I see them coming a mile away. And if I'm cornered, the last thing I want to do is openly congratulate her on her child's achievements because well, I'm afraid her ego might get so big she'll explode.

This is not sour grapes, although I'm sure that parent would not agree! The thing about these parents is that they are so blinded by their adoration for their kids that they truly cannot see how obnoxious they are. And when other parents don't share the same enthusiasm, they'll immediately attribute it to jealousy. It's like those terribly annoying contestants on reality tv shows who when booted out, will often say "oh, it's because I'm a threat" or "they're just jealous". Err... no, it's because you were a pain in the butt.

Added to that, sometimes these parents, when relating their kids' achievements, find some way to put down other kids (explicitly or implicitly). Again, I think it boils down to the culture of ugly competitiveness, that we can't just be good, we have to be better than someone else. It's easy to spot these parents, they're the ones who tend to say things like "My kid was the only one in the class who managed to..." or "Other kids at this age can't do xxx but mine can" or as blunt as "Yours got 92? Mine got 93."

These parents are the ones my friend Adeline aptly calls the "crazees". As she says, you can be generous all you want, but no friendship can work if the other party takes you and your kid as a live benchmark to beat. Or any opportunity to diminish other kids to soothe their own insecurities. These crazees take perverse pleasure in the failure of other kids. I believe in celebrating achievement and we have every right to be proud of our kids. But not if we have to belittle other kids in the process. It really isn't a competition!

Once again, kids internalise their parents' thoughts and behaviours. I've found, consistently, that the kids of crazees can be quite insufferable. They're often extremely kiasu, have an inflated sense of self and the EQ of a walnut... just like their parents. Just yesterday, a friend confided in me that her p3 son, who was top in standard last year, is under a lot of stress because many of his classmates are pitting themselves against him. At the last SA1, he was very upset because a boy who scored higher than him for the English paper actually went up to him and said cockily, “Thanks so much! You just gave me 2 extra hours on the computer.” Apparently his mum had used this boy as the benchmark for rewards! How insensitive is that? MAD.

Much as I grumble, this post is unlikely to change anything. The crazees are as persistent and plentiful as teenage acne. My modus operandi is simple - dodge and duck. And if that fails, I'll just go gripe about them to my real friends.

How to be a fair-weathered friend

My recent post about friends elicited some interesting comments about friendship, which got me thinking. There are many quotes about friends and how true friends are the ones who are there for you during the bad times. But to me, I think another important (perhaps more important) measure of a good friend is one who can rejoice in your good times.

I don't mean having fun together, I mean friends who are genuinely happy for your good fortune, especially when they don't enjoy the same blessings. I've come to realise that for many people, it's far easier to be sad with you when you're down than to rejoice with you when you're up. I attribute this to the very competitive landscape in Singapore, where success and value seem to be measured largely by material wealth and tangible achievements in comparison to our neighbours.

I was always vaguely aware of this. I'd heard of people who were always comparing how much they earned, the types of jobs they held, what brand of handbags they carried, even how rich their husbands were. That never happened to me, I was fortunate to have down-to-earth, relatively easy-going friends. I think it was because I never moved around in those social circles and I roll my eyes when I hear such stories. I'm pretty much anti-class, even till today.

Things changed when I became a parent. I began to realise that while friends can maintain a non-competitive relationship, it gets more difficult when it comes to their kids. It's easy to empathise with your friends' kids who are struggling in school but hard to be happy for those whose kids seem to sail through, even more so when our own kids are the ones who are struggling.

Commenting on Lilian's post, QX mentioned that a mother openly broke into a big grin when she realised that her daughter did better than QX's. In another instance, while exchanging news with a close friend, QX shared how her daughter did well in a national competition. Instead of congratulations, her friend's face turned serious and tried to find out details of participating in such competitions.

I've personally encountered such situations as well. Once, I was chatting with friends and it emerged that Lesley-Anne was in GEP. There was an awkward silence and the husband, tellingly, changed the subject. Later, his wife told me casually that even if her son got into GEP, she wouldn't let him join the programme because it's very stressful. I nearly laughed out loud because these two parents are possibly the most competitive people I know and they drive their son very hard academically.

This was by no means an isolated incident. I don't know why it has to be this way. I mean, I'm not expecting friends to fawn over me and gush over how wonderful Lesley-Anne is, that's just silly. But when I'm greeted by surliness, I start feeling like I have to be apologetic, as if my child being smart somehow diminishes yours. And then to soothe the parent's ego, I normally find myself bringing up my exasperation over Andre, as if that somehow compensates for Lesley-Anne's abilities. It's utter nonsense! Yet it has become something of a defence mechanism for me.

I think it's the scarcity mentality together with the competitive environment. Our kids can't just be good, they have to be better than somebody (preferably somebody we know!) Our kids have become a projection of our own insecurities and competitiveness. It's not without its side effects, you know. I think that's a huge reason why many kids themselves have internalised this unhealthy competitiveness, obsessing over 1 mark on a test paper, setting up their classmates as rivals, angst-ing when they lose and gloating when they win. All in all, not very attractive or likeable children. Are these really the people you want your kids to be?

Back to friendships. Lilian and I are kindred spirits, especially during this period when we're undergoing the DSA ordeal together. But I did wonder, let's say Brian was a girl, our kids were applying to the same schools and Lilian's was successful at DSA and Lesley-Anne wasn't, would I be genuinely happy for her? Or would I be bitter and envious? I'd like to believe that I would be magnanimous enough to be the former but I'll never know for sure (and I'm glad!) Jealousy is a powerful emotion to battle.

So maybe the term "fair-weathered friend" is something of a misnomer. It's not that easy to rejoice in a friend's good fortune. If you have friends who can be sad when you're sad AND glad when you're glad, then you're truly blessed. But you know, perhaps it's up to us to first be that friend.

Have your cake and eat it... literally

I love cake. But in recent times, I feel that it's getting more and more difficult to find cakes that really wow me. Most of the cafes persist in serving gargantuous hunks of ultra rich and cloyingly sweet cakes that score high on the jelak scale. On the other end of the spectrum, there are cakes that are so dry and unsophisticated that I feel it's a waste to allocate calories to them. On top of the unpalatable experience, you're often left with a bill that matches the size of the cake.

It's no wonder that I started making my own cupcakes.

So it was a pleasant surprise when we stumbled upon Pine Garden bakery in Ang Mo Kio while we were visiting my aunt. This is not my kampong so I didn't know that this little heartland bakery had been winning the hearts of food critics from major print and tv media, as well as foodies.

What caught my eye most was the unusual selection of cakes. When was the last time you came across a HDB bakery with tantalising concoctions like Orange Apricot Blossom Cake, Brandy Cherry Cake, Creme Caramel Crunch Cake and Bird's Nest Cake? At 8.30pm, the little nondescript shop was doing a bustling business, dishing out slices and taking orders for whole cakes.

I picked out four and mind you, it was no easy task deciding what to get! They all looked so delectable.

Citrus Drop Cake - lemon sponge cake with lemon curd layers. I bought this with Lesley-Anne in mind, as she loves anything sour or tangy. She lapped it up although she says she still prefers Temptations' cheesecake. Andre took a taste and wanted more!

Cocotero - vanilla sponge cake with coconut custard pudding layers, topped with coconut strips. I'm not a fan of coconut but I used to be crazy over Seah Street Deli's Coconut Cream Cake and haven't been able to find even a remotely close replacement since they stopped making it. This one is still not like Seah Street Deli's but it's pleasant. The coconut custard tastes exactly like coconut agar agar which I'm sure would sit well with locals.

Lychee Martini Cake - lychee cake with martini-soaked lychee filling. This is (as we found out later), one of Pine Garden's signature cakes. The sponge is light yet moist and the lychee filling is very strong and creamy. Kenneth was quite impressed.

Pulut Hitam Cake - sponge cake with pulut hitam mousse layers, topped with pulut hitam. I left this to last because this is hands down my favourite. I love pulut hitam and having it cold on a cake in mousse form is just heavenly. The pulut hitam on top complements the taste perfectly and what I like best is that it isn't overly sweet. Believe it when I tell you that after I'd finished the slice, I craved for another! Best cake I've tasted in a long time.

Apart from the fancier creations, Pine Garden also offers the usual favourites like black forest, strawberry cream cake, tiramisu and kaya cake. According to reviews, their Cat Mountain King Durian Cake is to die for, but they weren't selling it by the slice the night we were there.

Forgive the pun but the icing on the cake was the price. Each of these slices only costs about $2.50 - high end cafe quality at HDB bakery prices! Maybe it's lucky I don't live in the Ang Mo Kio vicinity, otherwise I'll be getting real fat on cake.

All things Russian

You'll have to bear with me as I find excuses to write posts that are image heavy and text light. Hey, have to experiment with my new camera, right!

So here is a post on goodies from Moscow. What's the link to kids and education? Well, I just met up with Lilian who returned from Moscow and brought me these goodies. And we all know by now Lilian has kids who get on famously with my kids and both us mothers are suffering the education system together. Tah-dah!

Apart from being terrific company, Lilian also came bearing one of my favourite type of gifts - chocolates. We were so spoilt, we received two boxes of these Russian chocolates, one for the kids, one for mummy. Lilian knows me so well - I don't share chocolates!! Who cares about the unpronounceable name, the contents are YUMMY. Each box contains four different types: cashew, caramel, coffee and pistachio. Calorie rich but so worth it!

During her last trip, Lilian brought me a Matryoshka doll. We have quite a few of the pseudo ones from China which are more like kids' toys and clumsily made, but this is the real McCoy. Like all authentic Matryoshka dolls, there are 10-in-1, the last one smaller than a finger nail (but still has a face, it's not simply a blob of wood). Each of the dolls are meticulously painted with little beads painstakingly pressed on the largest one.

Simply gorgeous! Well, if you can't travel to these exotic places, the next best thing is to have someone bring a piece of the culture to you. Thanks Lilian!

Viva la friendship!

It's funny to think of Lesley-Anne having an "old friend" since she's only 12 but I sense that the affection and nostalgia usually attached to the phrase apply to the way she feels about Brian. It's not just the fact that she has known Brian since she was in k2, he was also one of the rare playdates I'd arranged for her (though come to think about it, they were normally initiated by Lilian.)

The two of them have a lot in common, they're both quiet, reflective and bright, and they liked the same types of games like board games and soft toys. Even though Brian drew a blank when he tried to teach Lesley-Anne chess! So it was with some regret when Lilian and family had to leave Singapore. Both kids were only in p1 then.

Well, both of them are now in p6. How time flies! It was with great anticipation that Lilian, Brian and Sean paid us a visit yesterday. This post is mostly a duplication of Lilian's post but I really wanted to record the visit. I was wondering if it would be awkward between Brian and Lesley-Anne since they haven't met up for such a long time. But no, they seemed to get along reasonably well, probably helped by the spontaneity of their younger siblings.

Here they are playing with the hamster (left) and a board game (right), although Sean lost interest after a while and was perfectly content chuckling to himself while reading Calvin and Hobbes.









Lunch was baked pasta (see how much better the photo is with my new Canon Ixus!!)

Tea was banana chocolate chip cupcakes, which I'm happy to say, was a great hit with Lilian. No talk of diets at my place, Lilian!! The photo was hers, by the way, mine were all blurry. Seems like my tremulous hand can subdue even the best camera...

We had an absolutely fabulous time and I'm not just referring to the kids. Chatting, gossiping and grousing about DSA with Lilian was just what I needed to relieve stress. Nothing like having an empathetic companion! Aside: although Lilian knew each other from way back during our NUS days, we weren't close until we became neighbours and enrolled our kids in the same primary school. Since I started my blog and consulted her, the blog guru on technicalities, we've grown much closer and I think it was a surprise to both of us how much we have in common in terms of outlook and beliefs. Thanks a million for the friendship, Lilian - you're a godsend in this pressure cooker world of exams and obstacle courses!

Of course we had to capture a shot of Brian and Lesley-Anne for old time's sake. Here's a picture of them back in 2004.

And here they are now. All (almost) grown up! The stuffed elephant next to Brian is the same one he's holding up in the picture above.


And here's a shot of all four rascals together.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - CS Lewis

Understanding the NAPFA test

Since I've been talking about fitness, I thought I'd expound on the NAPFA test that all primary school (from p4), secondary school and pre-university kids have to undergo every year. NAPFA, or National Physical Fitness Award, has existed from way back in my time. It's a standardised assessment of overall fitness for the masses and for lack of a better measurement, is quite a good gauge as to how fit your kids are.

The test is held in August for primary schools and April for secondary schools. It comprises a series of six items designed to test fitness, strength and flexibility:

1. Sit-ups (in one minute)
2. Standing broad jump
3. Sit and reach
4. Inclined pull-ups (for females and males up to 14)/Pull-ups (for males above 14)
5. Shuttle run (4x10m)
6. 1.6km/2.4km (primary school/secondary school and pre-U)

The last item is usually tested on a different day from the other five items.

The child's performance for each item is compared to a chart based on age and gender, and graded from A to F. I've since posted the score charts for primary school and secondary school/pre-U, if you need to refer. If you score at least an E for every item and at least 6 points, you get a Bronze award. At least a D grade for every item and 15 points, you get a Silver award. For Gold, you need to score at least a C grade for every item and 21 points.

Here's the tricky bit: the critical word is "every". Meaning that if your child scores A for five items and fails one item, he's considered to have failed the NAPFA test. This is a sore point with many people who can't master one of the items, often the standing broad jump or sit and reach, due to lack of flexibility.

Although participation is compulsory, there are no academic consequences if students fail the NAPFA test. Of course you are encouraged to pass it and hey, there's the personal satisfaction of knowing that you're fit. Boys have an added incentive to do well - if they attain at least a silver grade at age 18, they only need to undergo just two months of Basic Military Training (BMT) in their National Service instead of three. That's an attractive proposition if I ever saw one!

Many kids try to aim for an award - Lesley-Anne is one of them. The 1.6km is the toughest item for her, so Kenneth trains her for it by bringing her to the stadium and helping her work on her stamina and timing. Despite this, she usually finishes one of the last in her class. Still, she has managed to attain the Gold award for all three years from p4-6 and I'm proud of her achievement because she had to really sweat for it. By the way, when I was back in school, I hated, hated the NAPFA test. It's a miracle I passed at all.

Since there's no escaping the NAPFA test, might as well give it your best shot. Go for it - I'll be cheering you on from my sofa.

Breaking in my new Canon Ixus A480

So finally, my lao yah Nikon went kaput. It probably died from lack of appreciation and/or old age (3 years). Just to spite us, it konked out 2 months from the expiry of the extended warranty and less than a week after the PC Show where there were bargains galore.

No matter - it was the perfect excuse to get a new camera! We checked out reviews on the Internet and finally decided on the Canon Ixus A480 because it appeared to be the best buy among the budget range. We really just wanted one of those "point and shoot" kinds, nothing fancy. More importantly, it had to be able to take good macro shots, partly to appease Lilian who has been complaining that she has to view blur photos of my kids' drawings. The A480 can take macro shots as close as 1cm and at only $219, the value can't be beat.

To celebrate Father's Day, we went for a Japanese ala carte buffet lunch at Momoya Restaurant, which was the perfect occasion to break in my new toy. The food was pretty good although the selection wasn't great - over abundance of rice and noodle items (not so subtle way of trying to fill you up?) Lesley-Anne didn't qualify for the child rate any more but it was still reasonably priced at $26+ (adults), $15+ (child) for lunch.

The Canon Ixus met all expectations and more. The close-up shots are 100 times clearer than my Nikon even with my shaky hand. And so, here's a visual display of some of the items we had.

Sashimi platter (we omitted the octopus). We had three of these platters plus another four portions of just the salmon sashimi. We just love our sashimi!

Ebi tempura and pork belly Tokyo style (tender and oh so delicious! We devoured six pieces of this).









Age dashi tofu and Edamame beans









Fried unagi (doused in a strange spicy sauce) and fried capelin









My food shots have never turned out so good! I'm a happy camper. Happy Father's Day!

My water babies

As we all know, holidays are notorious for weight gain. This is true not just for adults but also for kids. Andre especially, has a propensity to expand his girdle during the school holidays, since he doesn't engage in the usual running around like a mad fool at school and has ready access to snacks at home. This is despite his badminton training.

So these June holidays, I decided to nip the problem in the bud. I instituted an "exercise everyday rule" for Andre, ie he has to engage in some physical activity of at least half an hour everyday, whether it's badminton, jogging, swimming or cycling. As it turned out, it's been like a sauna lately - some days, it's simply unbearable to be sitting at home in 32 degree heat and humidity. So the kids have been spending a lot of time in the pool.

And I've re-discovered all over again what a great skill swimming is. It really is one of the best sports around - it uses a wide range of muscle contributing to overall fitness, it poses practically no risk of sports injuries and it gives cool relief to boot! In one of my early posts, I shared how my kids learned swimming. I can't stress how important it is to have kids learn this invaluable sport at an early age. Somehow, when they acquire this skill young, they take to it, pardon the pun, like a fish to water. That's my sense anyway.

For Lesley-Anne, exercise doesn't come easily. She lacks stamina and her bane is running 1.6km under the annual NAPFA test. Swimming is therefore an ideal sport for her. Even though I didn't impose the daily exercise rule for her, she recognises the value of exercise and has initiated going down to the pool to do laps. Each session, she swims anything from 20-30 laps (1-1.6km) which is a great workout. Funnily enough, she says she finds it easier to swim 1.6km than run it!

Andre loves the pool. For him, exercise is not a chore, it's fun and swimming is a great way to supplement his badminton training.

What Kenneth does is to make Andre swim laps (from 8-16) and in between laps, he climbs up the side of the pool and does some crunches and push ups, as his badminton coach has commented that he needs to work on his strength.

So in the end, he enjoys himself, develops his fitness and builds strength all at the same time.

And the best part? In the water, sibling rivalry is almost always forgotten!

Appetite enhancer? No thanks!

Recently, you may have seen a new product launch at local supermarkets - Yang Sheng Le. Basically, it's herbal soup in a bottle. Instead of having to spend hours boiling and double boiling traditional Chinese herbal soup, the folks at Nestle have cleverly pre-packed Eu Yan Sang herbs in a concentrate. Just add water and the accompanying sachet of wolfberries, bring to a boil and voila! Ready to drink herbal soup.

You may wonder why I seem to be doing an advertising spiel on the product. Self-promotion lah - I wrote the text for the packaging and marketing materials. As I don't often do writing for retail products, I was quite eager to see how it would turn out. So when the NTUC auntie asked if I would like to try the sample, I readily agreed, even if just to get a closer look (and taste).

Yang Sheng Le comes in four flavours and retails for $6.00 – $8.50 per jar which serves four. When this particular auntie saw that I had kids with me, she immediately served up Liu Wei soup for them, saying it's to "补胃口" (increase appetite). Upon which I exclaimed, "不用了! 他们胃口太好了!" ("No need! Their appetite is very good!") She looked at me like my kids were from outer space (or maybe she thought I was from outer space), and dished out the Cordyceps soup instead (for nourishing lungs) which my kids promptly slurped up and declared very delicious.

You see, both my kids are foodies. From age 2, Lesley-Anne would dictate her own menu - "milk!" "macaroni!" Bringing her out was a breeze - from age 5 or so, I could just bring her to a cafe, order a large serving of pasta and she would polish it off, leaving clean plate. Travelling is easy too since she's always game to try new cuisine.

Andre had a fussy start but once he entered p1, he started eating like he was making up for lost time. In fact, thanks to my very good French pal Isabelle who has over the years, invited us to her place to sample French food, my kids have become willing gastronomic guinea pigs, from foie gras, escargot, stuffed peppers, greasy marinated duck but most of all, cheese. Blue cheese, camembert, brie, goat cheese, boursin, my kids can eat a truckload of them.

Last week, my sister and brother-in-law treated us to the Tung Lok ala carte seafood buffet and Lesley-Anne gamely tried a raw oyster, with a hint of lemon. I can't stomach raw oysters myself, much as I love seafood, so I couldn't believe it when she loved it so much that she downed three. Andre tried one and made a face. By the way, whenever we order or lua (oyster omelette), the kids would attack the oysters and us sua ku parents stick to the flour and egg LOL!

Having foodies for kids has its downside though. Some families can just tah-pao 4 packets of wan ton mee from the coffee shop as a quick Sunday dinner but for us, a dinner decision can be as complicated as trying to negotiate a Gaza Strip peace settlement. It's hard to find something from one coffee shop that will please the discerning palates of every member of this family.

When parents ask me how to get their kids to eat, I don't know what to tell them except it's hard not to love food when you're born in a makan-crazy family! Kenneth's family especially, live to eat - before they've had lunch, they're discussing where to go for dinner. For now, my kids are still within a healthy weight range but Andre is teetering dangerously on the edge, having been identified for TAF club. I'll have to keep an eye on him to ensure it doesn't become a problem.

In the meantime, I'm just slightly comforted to know that at least I won't have to worry about my kids having eating disorders anytime soon... unless over-eating is considered a disorder.

Andre demolishing his favourite pork ribs from Cafe Cartel.

The extremely reluctant writer at work

Andre simply dislikes writing compositions. I can't understand this because he has a vivid imagination and I would have thought that he'd enjoy creating a story. But to him, it's hard work. He'd rather do three assessment papers than write one composition.

Since he didn't fare too well for his composition in the SA1, I thought I'd better give him some practice during the holidays. So last week, I assigned him one. To my exasperation, he started whining and crying. At first, I tried the encouragement route but after 20 minutes of complaining and kicking the table, he'd only written one paragraph. Exit nice mummy, enter fire-breathing dragon mummy. "If you don't stop whining and get to work, I'm going to make you write one composition everyday!!"

I don't know how he managed to write anything amidst the torrent of tears. Wah, macam like the flood surrounding Noah's ark. He was weeping as if someone had unleashed a sledgehammer on all his favourite toy cars.

Anyway, below is the final piece, based on this picture:

It was a perfect day. Tim's mother and Tim were at home. His mother was in the living room sewing Tim's cloths.

Tim complained, "I wish mother will play with me rather then just sewing my cloths." Suddenly, the phone rang. Tim's mother put down her things and went to the teliphone. When his mother was gone, Tim looked into the basket.

Tim noticed a round thing with four holes. He mumbled, "Maybe it's a sweet, Yum." Tim took the button and ate eat. When he went look at his mother, he felt like he could not breathe propely. Tim held his neck and could not say a word.

Tim's mother saw what had happened. She hang up the call and dialed the ambulance.

"Quickly, please help me!" Tim's mother yelled. After a while, the ambulance brought them to the hospital.

When Tim and his mother reached the hospital, The doctor immediatly brought Tim in the X-ray room. The doctor was terrified when he saw the button. After two days, Tim was brought home with his mother. He had learnt his lesson. He promised his mother if that thing is a sweet or not.

Andre took a grand total of 1½ hours to write this, although he rushed to finish the last paragraph in 5 minutes cos he had to leave for badminton practice. You probably can tell from the incoherent last sentence. But I have to admit, I laughed myself silly at "Tim held his neck". I bet at that moment, Andre was feeling exactly like the boy in the picture! Too bad you can't give marks for entertainment value.

Lilian says maybe it's a boy thing, Brian is also a reluctant writer. I really don't know, some of my friends' sons seem to enjoy writing. Trying to work on ability is tough enough but I think the biggest obstacle with Andre is the lack of interest and motivation.

He did try to justify himself: "I don't like to write compositions because I don't want to be a typewriter." Well! That explains everything.