Much Ado About Nothing

Act 1, Scene 1

Monica is working in her office. Enter Andre.

Andre: *takes a few sheets of tissue paper from Monica's box*

Monica: "I thought you ran out a few days ago? Why didn't you just get yourself a new box?"

Andre: "I told you I ran out. I thought you would get a box for me."

Monica: "Take it yourself! You're so lazy. Why do I have to do everything for you?"

Andre *pouts*: "You're so selfish."

Monica *taunting*: "Selfish, shellfish. So I'm an oyster."

Andre: "An oyster is not a shellfish!"

Monica: "What do you mean? Of course it is!" *googles* "There, Wiki says a shellfish can refer to anything from clams and oysters to lobster and shrimp!"

Andre *protesting*: "You were the one who said Wiki was not reliable!"

Enter Lesley-Anne.

Andre: "Jie, jie, are oysters shellfish?"

Lesley-Anne *confused*: "Huh?"

Monica *reads from Wiki*: "'Shellfish is a culinary and fisheries term for exoskeleton-bearing aquatic invertebrates used as food, including various species of molluscs, crustaceans and echinoderms'. What on earth..."

Lesley-Anne *thinks hard*: "Well, if the broad definition is exoskeleton, then probably yes..."

Monica: "Oysters have shells! So they're shellfish!"

Lesley-Anne: "That's not the definition of shellfish! Snails have shells too! Are they shellfish then?"

Enter Kenneth.

Andre: "Daddy, are oysters shellfish? They're not, right?"

Kenneth *tries to remember his ancient biology notes*: "No...Yes they are. No wait, technically, they're molluscs."

Monica: "Says here molluscs are shellfish!"

Several minutes of heated debate. Finally...

Kenneth: "How did this topic even come up?"

Monica: "Oh, we were arguing over a box of tissue..."

Kenneth: ?????

Lesley-Anne: "I don't even."

Exit stage left.