Student + dying = studying

When it comes to study methods, my kids are as different as night and day (ok, who am I kidding, my kids are different, full stop.)

Lesley-Anne is methodical and focused. She makes her own notes using multi-coloured pens and highlighters, and annotates her texts almost religiously. If there's something she finds difficult to remember, she tries different ways to jolt her memory, like redoing notes in other formats or organising them in little post-its which she sticks on her wardrobe. During exam periods, she holes herself in her room and emerges only for toilet and food breaks.

Andre, on the other hand, will simply stare at his books with a pained expression worthy of a Brazilian today after the World Cup semi-final match. When I catch him goofing off, he'll reluctantly read and re-read his textbooks. I tell him that reading the textbook is a very ineffective way of studying and force him to make notes, which he obediently does. Unfortunately, he copies down stuff in a notebook but without any form of processing so that when I do a random spot check and shoot him a question about something he'd just written half an hour ago, I'm usually rewarded with a blank look.

During exam periods, I suddenly behave like I have a multiple personality disorder. You'll hear me calling out to one kid: "Why don't you take a break? Like, really, take a break!" while screeching at the other: "Go study now! Enough with the breaks!"

Andre was supposed to study 50 成语 (idioms) during the school holidays. During the last week of the holidays, I asked, "Have you studied them?"

Andre: "They're very hard!"

Me: "I didn't ask you whether they were hard! I asked whether you studied!"

Andre: "But they're really very haaaaaaarrd! Even my friend who's very good in Chinese says they're IMPOSSIBLE." (Translation: he didn't do squat).

Me: "GO STUDY THEM NOW."

Two days before school reopened...

Me: "So do you know your 50 成语?"

Andre: "I think not bad. I roughly know 32."

I didn't dare ask what "roughly" meant.

Meanwhile, I asked Lesley-Anne whether she'd finished studying for her block tests, which were sadistically scheduled right after the June holidays.

"Well, more or less but you can never really finish studying for GP." And she scooted back to her room to do more revision.

How on earth did I spawn these two kids? I bet God is laughing at me right now.

These anecdotes make for a funny story but as parents, there's the underlying concern that our kids are not motivated to do well in school. I can keep nagging at Andre to study harder but my personal belief is that by the time our kids hit secondary school, they're too old to be hand-held and constantly told what to do. The motivation to study needs to come from within. They need to take ownership of their actions and understand the consequences, because at the end of the day, it's their life.

For my kids, I feel it all boils down to the fact that Lesley-Anne sees meaning in what she's studying whereas Andre doesn't. Over the past six months or so, Kenneth and I have had chats with Andre about his future and what he wants to do in life. He's told us in no uncertain terms that he's tired of all this mindless studying for subjects which he feels has no bearing on his future.

I've always believed that as parents, our role is to help our kids identify their dreams and goals in life, then provide the guidance and support to help them achieve these goals. The thing about kids is that they often don't know what opportunities are out there so their mindsets are pretty limited. So for Andre, what we did was to consider his personality, his abilities and interests, and show him what the possible options are. We showed him websites, let him talk to various people and the upshot of it is that he's now very keen on going into a particular industry.

I won't disclose what it is yet as it's still early days and things can easily change but for now, Andre's eyes light up whenever people talk about working in the industry. Even though it's a long way for him before deciding on a career path, having a goal such as this is good for kids like Andre who find school dull, because it gives them purpose. It also gives them direction which has immediate value for charting the education journey (eg. what subjects or courses to take). Andre now knows for each next leg of his schooling path, what he needs to achieve, which is more tangible than just "study hard and get good grades".

Little steps but hopefully in time, we'll get there.