Bringing up cat and dog

I've often wondered how two kids spawned from the same two parents can be so different. The only similarity between Lesley-Anne and Andre is their physical appearance. When they were younger, before Lesley-Anne went on a growth spurt, I would often get comments that brother and sister looked so alike, down to their smiles and pointy chins.

Here is a studio shot we took of them back in 2006.

In character, Lesley-Anne and Andre are polar opposites. After I attended the parenting workshop using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (you can read my previous post here), I tried to do the test for both my kids. It would be noble of me to say I wanted to check their personality types so that I can tweak my style to bring out the best in them, but in truth, I was just being kaypoh lah.

Lesley-Anne is an INFP (confirmed by her assessment of learning styles done in school). That means she is:

Idealistic, loyal to her values and to people who are important to her. Cares about learning, ideas, language and independent ideas of her own. Tends to undertake too much then somehow gets it done. Friendly, but often too absorbed in what she is doing to be sociable. Seeks to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential.

One liner: Still waters run deep

Surprisingly enough, when I did the assessment for Andre, I found that he is an ENFP, which means he only differs from Lesley-Anne on the Extraversion-Introversion scale. As an ENFP, he is:

Warmly enthusiastic, high-spirited and imaginative. Sees life as full of possibilities. Able to do almost anything that interests him. Wants a lot of affirmation from others, and readily gives appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often relies on his ability to improvise instead of preparing in advance. Can usually find compelling reasons for whatever he wants.

One liner: Anything's possible

Apparently, both care a lot about what other people think but they try to get affirmation in different ways. Lesley-Anne through achievement and Andre through affection. Lesley-Anne doesn't only have the goods academically, she is motivated and has excelled in most of the activities she's taken on - ballet, piano, taekwondo and swimming. Yet despite all her achievements, she's still sometimes insecure, always looking for approval and very sensitive to criticism. Always very proper and poised, and with high EQ (but also a ferocious temper, which her brother doesn't appreciate!)

Andre, on the other hand, is Mr Personality, spontaneity incarnate. He showers his family with hugs and kisses, and his priority in school is making friends. He has been punished so many times for talking in class that I've lost count (eventually, his teacher made him sit by himself). He'll use his own money to buy food for others, he lends books to his friends that he himself has not yet read. He loves being in the centre of attention and will happily ham it up for the camera.

As a classic example of how different the two kids are: when we bring them out for fish and chips, Lesley-Anne the planner and thinker will eat all her salad first, then leave the best parts (fish and chips) for last. Andre the instant gratifier will gobble up the fish and especially the chips, then dwaddle over the salad and try to convince us he's too full to eat it.

The different personalities of course mean that fights around the house are commonplace. The two just cannot get along (what to do when one is aged 11 going on 25 and the other is 7 going on 6??) They would fight over anything, really anything. When they were younger, it was over things like who got to press the lift button, who got to use the bathroom first, who got to hold my right hand (I know! I have 2 hands, right??)

I recall after another meaningless round of bickering, I said in exasperation: "You two are like a cat and a dog!"

Andre: "Who's the dog?"
Lesley-Anne: "I want to be the dog."
Andre: "HAHHH, no fair! I want to be the doooooog!!!"
Lesley-Anne: "Ok, then I'm the cat and I will SCRATCH you!!"
Andre: "MUUMMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"

Here is a picture of one of the very rare occasions of sibling reconciliation, Lesley-Anne was actually feeding Andre some ice-cream. (Kenneth had to take the picture, he couldn't believe his eyes).

I think all parents know bringing up kids with different personalities is a real challenge, but it's also an adventure. I hope you're enjoying yours!