A season to slow down

The other day, a friend told me he was feeling edgy staying at home and didn’t understand why because he’s been a homebody for years. I understood completely because I felt the same. I’m an introvert, working from home for the last 18 years. I shouldn’t have a problem with the Circuit Breaker. Yet, I was feeling restless.

I’m currently reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer, one of my favourite Christian writers and I’m only just realising how relevant it is to the situation today. The book talks about our addiction to hurry in the modern world. We fill our time with so many activities (much of it mindless), that we have lost our ability to be still. We’re constantly distracted and we’re unable to focus. “All our worst moments are when we’re in a hurry.” 

During this period, many of us have been forced to slow down. We’re spending more time with family, taking time to do stuff that we never time to before—cooking, sewing, exercising, playtime with kids, etc. We’re rediscovering what’s really important in life.

Yet, many friends have told me they can’t wait till things get back to the way they were. Why? If things were so hectic and stressful before, why are we so eager to return to what was before? (btw I’m not referring to those who need to get back to making a living).

I suspect one of the reasons is that we’re being forced to reexamine the values in our lives and the glare of the spotlight unnerves us. It’s easier to return to our mindless busyness because that leaves us no time for uncomfortable reflection. The daily grind—the mad rush from 8.30am to 6pm each day, which makes us too tired to relax on weekends—even though we complain about it, lulls us into believing that our lives have worth because we’re “doing something”.

Busyness is an addiction and like all addictions, even though we know it’s bad for us, it’s hard to shed. It dawned on me that what I was feeling could be withdrawal. Right now, many of my projects are at a standstill, so there’s just a lot of waiting. And waiting makes me antsy because I feel like I’m not doing anything.

Many people are waiting for things to get back to “normal”. We view this pandemic as merely a blip in the earthly timeline. And so, we while away the hours, binge-watching Netflix until it passes.

But what if it’s not a blip? What if it’s in fact, a season? A season is not an anomaly. A season is precious because it has great potential for growth and prepares us for the next. Also, the season that follows need not be the same as the one before. For example, for someone who has a near fatal car crash, therapy is not something to do just to get him back to “normal” because he will never be the same. Scars will remain and some injuries will never heal. Therapy is to strengthen not just his body but his mental and his emotional state, to prepare him for a different sort of life to come.

Churches have been forced to take unprecedented measures like live streaming of services and Zoom CG meetings. However, I feel too many of them view this as a temporary stop-gap measure, to be discarded once the pandemic ends. Why? Why can’t this be a rehearsal of what’s possible in the future instead—that technology can help connect with others previously unreached? It should hammer home the message that the church was never about the building in the first place, but the people.

Instead of hankering for things to return to the way it was, perhaps we should view this as a season of opportunity, and therefore shouldn’t be wasted. An opportunity to reevaluate our values. An opportunity to connect, to make time for conversations—with family, with friends, with others, with God. Connecting sometimes means just enjoying being in someone’s presence and not doing anything. That’s what Jesus called “abiding”. It’s the joy of an unhurried life.

And maybe when Covid-19 is over, we can say that this is how we want to live life. This is the new normal.

University acceptance for Andre

Last week, Andre received an offer to pursue his undergrad studies at SIT.

This was pretty momentous for him. If you've ollowed my (now defunct) blog, you would know that academics is not in Andre's DNA. His two favourite periods in primary school were recess and PE. This continued all the way to poly, where he aced his practical modules and bombed the theory ones. If he's ever held hostage for information, all the kidnappers have to do is threaten to make him write an essay. He will cave.

In his final semester, he poured his energy into his internship at Changi Airport. Despite the crazy shift hours, the irregular meals and covid-19 scare, his enthusiasm bubbled over. He loved the work so much he told me this was what he wanted to do as a career.

The snag was that he discovered the career path and pay of poly grads were significantly limited compared to those of degree holders. It's an antiquated system but an unfortunate reality of working in SG. So I advised him to look at uni courses.

But what? Reading the synopses of programmes in NUS, NTU and SMU bored him to tears. He declared rather dramatically, "I will DIE there. Three years of HELL." So we prayed. God, show the way to something he will enjoy and not expire from boredom.

Then one day in the car, Kenneth heard an ad about a pop-up Open House for SIT at Suntec City. Coincidentally, it was on a Saturday when Andre wasn't working (which was rare). We went down to take a look and the very first person I ran into was an ex-colleague from SMU whom I hadn't seen in more than a decade. When she heard that Andre was looking at the Hospitality programme, she replied, "oh, I'm in charge of that! Let me know if you have any questions at all."

The Hospitality programme appears to be tailor-made for Andre. It's heavily practicum-oriented, with two 6-month long work attachments, and Andre will likely get advanced standing for some of the theory modules as he's already taken them in poly. Later at the Admissions booth, Andre struck up a conversation with a current undergrad and they got along so well that the student started surreptitiously sharing tips on what to do at the interview.

We were there only about an hour or so, but Andre told me with all certainty that this was the degree he wanted to pursue. All the doors seemed to open in this direction, so he applied. And in faith, he decided not to even apply to other universities as back up.

He got called up for an interview and due to covid-19, it wasn't a face-to-face but an automated video interview, which doesn't play to his strengths as he's best when interacting with people. Clearly it didn't matter anyway, since he eventually got the offer ☺️

I often call Andre a big sparrow because he lives a carefree life and doesn't worry too much about tomorrow, which has in the past, given me many moments of angst. Yet looking back, I see that God has always provided for him. Grateful for the blessings and for the timely reminder. Hence this post of thanksgiving.


"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" - Matt 6:26

Words' Worth

This post was first published on the Hedgehog Communications microsite.


When I was eight years old, a cousin saw me engrossed in an Enid Blyton book and told me, “You should become an author when you grow up.” My greedy little heart thought, “Yeah, writing’s great and all, but I really want to be a cashier because they collect all the money.” 

I have since repented from my mercenary ways. (Besides, I know now that cashiers don’t get to keep the money. It’s the bookstores).

But the idea of being an author was planted in my impressionable mind, and it was not an unappealing one. I learned from an early age that words have power. It wasn’t just that they could transport me to worlds unimaginable. It was the seemingly infinite ways in which they could be used to express a multitude of things. And I had endless opinions. On everything.

I fed my appetite for words with books from the library, ten at a go. I borrowed words and phrases liberally, and used them with wild abandon in my compositions, writing reams of stories—sometimes true, sometimes a romanticised version of the truth, other times existing only in my alternate fantasy universe. But they were virtually always funny. Humour is an effective facade for tortured souls and teenage angst, and it came naturally to me, almost frighteningly so.

English was by far, my favourite subject in school and I aced it without breaking a sweat. If there was such a thing as Teacher’s Pet for Writing Compositions and Grammar Nazi Tendencies, that would be me (which did nothing for my popularity, but that’s another story).

However, the easy confidence I had in my creative writing abilities faded as I transitioned into adulthood. The more I read, the more I realised how handicapped I was in my expression. After I wept over Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner, raged over Alex Haley’s Roots, and had many sleepless nights over Rohinton Mistry’s A Fine Balance, I despaired that I would never be able to write like these giants. Becoming an author was stowed away in the Impossible Dream drawer, the same one as being a tall supermodel.

Life went on and by sheer chance, I was thrust into a career in communications, of which writing played a big role. Once again, the words flowed through me with familiar ease like an old friend and I grew comfortable with this shift in voice: from creative to corporate writing. When I decided to step out and start my own business ten years later, copywriting was a natural choice. It was the only tangible skill that I trusted enough to anchor me in the big, scary world of enterprise.

For some inexplicable reason, people really liked my writing. “Do your magic, Monica!” a client told me. I waited for someone to tell me that I was really a fraud, that all I did was string buzzwords together in pretty sentences, but it never came. The business blossomed.

And yet, I had an itch waiting to be scratched. Each time it resurfaced, I would poke at it distractedly or try to ignore it, but it didn’t go away. 

I wanted to tell stories. 

I started a blog, mostly to tell stories of my kids, and also to share my opinions (yeah, still had them by the truckload). Some of the posts went viral. Suddenly, my words had teeth. Whether I was talking about parenting, the education system or 377A, people were reading, agreeing, disagreeing, arguing, dissecting, sharing. It was no longer just about me and my opinions. The words brought people together…and divided them.

And then it happened—through the blog, I received a book offer. The dream that I had so neatly kept in the discard pile was revived. I grasped the opportunity with both hands, but couldn’t rid my mind of this niggling self-doubt: “You’re a copywriter, not an author. Are you sure you can do this?"

The book was published in 2013. Then in quick succession, another 14 children’s books followed in 6 years, co-written with my daughter. Not only were the books not panned as I’d feared, we received compliments from kids who couldn’t seem to get enough of our stories. The one that moved me most came from a mother who said her special needs child son to read but read our books from cover to cover. It unnerved me a little—that our words carried so much weight.

I began to accept that the title of “author” might legitimately apply to me after all. Copywriter, creative writer, is there really a distinct line separating them? Perhaps it’s the same voice, just one that has learned to speak different languages.

I had become a sharper writer, simply from the sheer amount of time I had spent writing over more than four decades. The words came easier and more freely. I knew intuitively that a sentence was more accurately described as “pedestrian” instead of just “ordinary”. I became better at assigning words to my thoughts and emotions, giving substance and credence to what’s immaterial.

As much as I used words to shape my reality, the words shaped me. With each blog post and book, I was telling a story, but they in turn, shaped my narrative as a writer, as a person. I look back at my earliest blog posts and cringe at the bright, brash tone. It was me from a different time, without the temperance that comes with maturity.

It’s easy to lapse into complacency when words become a familiar tool. “Don’t write on auto-pilot,” I tell my copywriters. The acute awareness of the power of words convinced me that they needed to be treated with respect and mindfulness. “Say what you mean.” 

Recently, I received an unexpected thank you email from the daughter of my late piano teacher, whom I’d written a tribute to on my blog. “You cannot imagine how much comfort it has brought to me and my family,” the daughter wrote. “It's so real.” My piano teacher had passed on 15 years ago in 2005. The blog post was written in 2015. Words matter. And on the Internet, words live forever. 

It struck me that perhaps the spotlight on words needed to swing from power to responsibility, especially on the web (all puns intended). Instead of focusing on what words can do, we should be focusing on what they ought to. With social media, it’s all too easy to wield words as ammunition to cut, to mock, to disparage. And for someone who works with words day in and out, words are potentially as lethal in my hands as a rifle for a sniper.

Perhaps it’s the sentimentality of age, or the growing cognisance that one day, my words might come back to haunt me. But more and more, I’m seeing that words used to encourage, affirm, delight and inspire, even if done without much thought, can have enduring impact. Sometimes, if I’m fortunate enough, they ricochet back to me. And they remind me that what I do is a gift and a privilege.

Monica is head hedgehog which makes her the prickliest of them all, especially before her morning coffee. 

A decade of growth

Seems like the done thing to take stock of the past decade, and why not. 2020 has such a symmetrical ring to it.

My business grew. I went from having 2 writers to 14.

My kids grew. In 2010, Lesley-Anne had just started secondary school and Andre was in p4. They will be graduating from university and polytechnic respectively this year.

I grew. I became a published author (15 books!), even gathering some awards along the way. If you’d told me this in 2010, I would have spat out my coffee.

Most importantly, my faith grew. I’ve been a Christian for a long time, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have doubts and questions. In 2010, my business was fulfilling but since its primary objective was to pay the bills, it came with its fair share of anxiety and stress. My kids were doing ok in school (one more ok than the other) but the education system seemed like a necessary evil we had to soldier through (I say “we” because all parents know it’s a shared pain) more than a process of discovery. School, homework, CCA, piano lessons, ballet lessons, badminton training sessions. Certainly, all good to have, but keeping up with the routine was a chore. I had started a blog on kids and education with a good number of followers but it was directionless. I often thought despairingly, “What’s the point of all this?”

But over the last decade, I saw God’s wisdom and guiding hand in life events that seemed random at the time. If not for the blog, I would not have published a book. Early ballet lessons led Lesley-Anne to discover and share her passion in dance. Being a social butterfly in school showed Andre his gift in hospitality, which led to his choice of study and internship. Little pieces fit in a larger puzzle now and it gives me confidence that others will too, in time. Nothing’s wasted in God’s economy.

And through various personal encounters, my eyes were opened to this fact: we’re not on earth killing time until we can get to heaven (hopefully). It’s about experiencing bits of God’s kingdom every day, through the people we meet, the process of living out who God meant us to be. Like how I started Hedgehog as a means to earn a living and I later learned that it’s been a channel of blessing for some writers. To be used by God as a conduit to bless others - that’s a privilege.

This is my belief: It really isn’t about our “accomplishments” which is a fallacy anyway, since by themselves, they mean nothing. Rather, there is a point to our lives on earth, which is to prepare us for the next chapter. Ironically, there is freedom in surrender, and as I’ve experienced, freedom comes with much joy and peace.

As we move into 2020, I wish for all of you God’s love, joy and peace, that you might see how precious and special you are. Your life matters.

Hello, goodbye

I’m the kind of person who’s always asking, what next? I’m usually hurtling forward, trying to make things happen. And when they don’t, I become frustrated, antsy and ask why why why. In 2018, through a series of events, I learned the wisdom of letting go. Of relinquishing control (which was only an illusion after all, because I never really had it).

It was incredibly liberating. I find myself more relaxed than I’ve ever been. It sounds contradictory – to find security when you give it up, but that’s how it is. I stopped worrying, planning, sometimes even just doing. And as I listened and waited, with no expectations, things happened. Things beyond what I dared to dream, things that I’d previously tried to engineer and failed, now fell into my lap. 

The wisdom of God is that He knows when we are ready. And the age-old adage is true – that if we’re not ready to handle the small stuff, entrusting us with the big stuff will destroy us. There’s joy and peace (without the worry) in knowing that the reins are being held by someone who knows where I need to go.

So for the new year, I wish all you, my family and friends, this same joy and peace – that no matter how much turmoil the world is going through, may your lives be secure in His truth and love.

Blessed 2019, everyone.

xxxxx

I know I haven't posted on this blog for a while now. It's a conscious decision - I feel that this blog has outlived its usefulness as a repository of education op eds, and I loathe to continue for its own sake, especially when I don't have anything meaningful to say. In 2019, Lesley-Anne and I will be releasing our last book together, and we will both be moving on to other things. I believe there are different seasons of life, and we are called to move on when new adventures beckon, not cling on to old ones out of nostalgia. It's the only way to grow as a person.

For all those of you who have followed me these many years, I'm truly grateful for your support and love. I might still make an appearance here if any burning issues catch my imagination. Otherwise, take it that the blog is going into hibernation. If you really want to read stuff by me, there's always my Travel blog, where I recently recorded our family trip to Nagoya.

Love lots, live lots ♥ ♥

Monica 

Why I, a Christian, believe 377A should be repealed

Four years ago, I wrote a post in response to the NLB’s banning of the penguin books. Today, I’m writing a post in response to the 377A issue. I struggled with whether to post this because I know it will generate a lot of controversy from all sides, and I dislike conflict. Immensely. 

However, I know many Christians have been grappling with this issue and I’ve been feeling a strong urge to share my views as a fellow Christian. I don’t know if you are for, against, or not sure which stance you are supposed to take. I will make it very clear – these are my views and I’m not forcing you to agree with me. We can agree to disagree. But if this post can somehow help you gain clarity on the issue, then that’s all I can ask for. 

I believe 377A should be repealed. Here’s why: 

1) Sin and crime are two very different things. Even if you believe homosexuality is a sin, as stated in the bible, it is unjust to call it a crime. I’ve said this before: some Christians feel like as long as LGBT is on the cards, they have to always take the other side. Stop and think about how ludicrous this is. If sins should be considered crimes, then why don’t we criminalise adultery? Or premarital sex? Or divorce? Or, as I jokingly mentioned on FB to the horror of my foodie friend, why not criminalise gluttony? Ban buffets! 

2) The 377A is a sham because it is openly unenforced. What’s the point of it then? For this reason, having the 377A does not discourage homosexuality. It’s like having a law against speeding, then declaring that the law would never be enforced. Does the law deter speeding then? No. So if I say the law should be dropped, am I then saying that I support speeding? Of course not.

But by keeping 377A, we are legitimising hatred and prejudice towards the LGBT, which impinges on human rights. This is not just a secular issue. In the bible, we are told to seek justice for all as well.

As for the argument that we should uphold Asian values, guess what – 377A is not a law enacted by Singapore (and thus Asian). It is an antiquated British law introduced in 1938 that we inherited from our colonial past. So what Asian values are we talking about?

3) I hope you recognise that Singapore is a secular society. I think it’s terribly obtuse of Christians to insist that laws for a secular society should be in line with their own beliefs. You cannot furtively try to “make” Singapore more Christian by forcing Christian values down the throats of non-believers. That’s incredibly arrogant.

I will even go so far as to say that’s what the Jewish religious leaders in Jesus’ time did. Instead of loving, helping and guiding people, all they did was prescribe a whole lot of laws, police moral conduct and condemn those who did not fall within their circle of acceptability.

Consider the bible story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). The Pharisees wanted to stone her according to the law of Moses. But Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to cast a stone at her.” Note, he didn’t say: “Let him who is without sin of adultery”. The bible clearly states that “There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:22,23). All sins are bad. Why then do we always play up the sin of homosexuality with such indignation without looking at our own sins of greed, pride, anger, envy and so on? 

Some Christians think that since the LGBT haven’t obeyed Jesus’ command to “go and sin no more”, they are justified in rejecting the LGBT. Yes, Jesus did say that. And that relationship is between God and the individual. Nothing to do with you. By the way, how are you doing with your own sins? Are you now completely sinless? It makes me incredibly angry that some people think they have the right to judge others in this way, or tell others they are not welcome in church until they repent. Who made you gatekeeper of God’s Kingdom?

Jesus was kind to the woman because she acknowledged her sin and received his grace. But he was harsh to the Pharisees because they condemned her and justified themselves. Contrary to popular belief, the hardened criminals or people struggling with sin are usually not those who are most lost to the gospel. Ironically, these are the ones who generally obey the rules, are quite nice folks and think they’re not so bad, therefore don’t need God’s mercy as much as others. Once we attribute righteousness through our own efforts and not through God, we are rejecting the gospel of grace. I believe that people with spiritual pride are always treated harshly by God because the self takes credit for God’s work. 

Supporting the repeal is not equal to endorsing homosexuality

Most Christians would be familiar with the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). In today’s context, if Jesus had retold the parable, I imagine the priest might be a pastor, the Levite a cell group leader, and the Samaritan a gay man who doesn’t believe in God.

Are you feeling offended? If you are, then perhaps you should ask yourself why. The people who were offended by the story during Jesus’ time were the Jews. They felt insulted because the priests and the Levites were the spiritual leaders of their time, whereas the Samaritans were half-Jew, half-Gentile and had their own religious system.

A guest speaker at my recent church conference was Pastor Peter Tsukahira, who pastors a church in Israel. He shared that we tend to believe the priest and Levite passed the wounded man on the road because they were heartless and uncaring. But at that time, priests had to abide by strict rules to maintain purity of the mind and body. Touching a dead or dying body would have rendered the priest impure and unable to perform his priestly duties, until he was thoroughly cleansed. Likewise for the Levites who performed some religious duties at the temple, touching a corpse was considered unclean. In other words, they could have been avoiding the man just so they could remain pure to perform God’s work.

In contrast, the Samaritans were considered heretics because they had broken away from God’s Word and believed that God could only be worshipped in Samaria.

Yet, Jesus deliberately told this parable in response to the young rabbi’s question: “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”, and said: “Go and do likewise.” He was contrasting the priest and Levite (who had belief but no action) with the Samaritan (who had the wrong belief but right action).

Some Christians fear that by supporting the repeal of 377A, they are sending the message that homosexuality is acceptable. It is not, the same way that when Jesus told the young rabbi to “go and do likewise”, he wasn’t endorsing the Samaritan’s belief. He was making the point that what we do matters too, not just what we believe. 

Other Christians feel that 377A should be upheld, otherwise it will lead to the slippery slope of gay marriage promotion or homosexuality in schools. It bugs me that people think they can use the possibility of dangers in the future to justify them not doing the right thing now. This reminds me of the ancient emperors in China, who would eliminate entire families of their enemies, just to prevent any of them from seeking revenge in the future. We are to do the right thing, always. What may happen in the future does not justify any wrongdoing, ever. 

Often, I feel people caricaturise the LGBT out of ignorance and fear. If you don’t have a single LGBT friend, then it’s easy to paint them as villains with a common evil intent (the “Gay Agenda”!) It’s just like how people who don’t have friends from other races tend to be the most racist. It’s easier to draw tribal lines and imagine “others” as a wicked bunch when you don’t know any of them. But the LGBT community, like the Christian community, is far from being a homogeneous group. If you take the time to befriend them and know them personally, you will see that each of them has his own fears, struggles, hopes and dreams. In other words, they are human beings, just like us.

The great commission is to turn people to Christ. And last I checked, trying to impose Christian values on non-believers usually has the opposite effect. Jesus said in no uncertain terms that we are live for Christ by loving God, and our neighbours as ourselves. And yes, our neighbours include the LGBT. Like it or not, this community has been deeply hurt by Christians in the past, even well-meaning ones. It’s time we showed them kindness as God intended it.

Showing them kindness doesn’t mean you are endorsing or encouraging homosexuality. Don’t confuse your actions with outcomes. You are only responsible for the former, not the latter. In fact, if you believe that you somehow have to control the outcome, then you are not only robbing God of His sovereignty, you are demonstrating very little faith in His ability to transform hearts. Be the light and God will take care of the rest.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” – Romans 12:15-18

The buggy generation

Read to the end to find out what this post is REALLY about.

A couple of weeks ago, my church organised its once-in-two-years church camp. Traditionally, the June hols are when churches hold their church camps and mine is no different. Since Andre's poly holidays didn't coincide with that week, he had to stay home and Kenneth decided to stay with him.

So it was an all-girl trip for us - me, Lesley-Anne and my sister. We had such an enriching and blessed time together. Our speaker was Pastor Edmund Chan who started the annual IDMC Conference. He's such a spirit-led and charismatic speaker. Apparently, our church booked him four years in advance, that's how popular a speaker he is!

Our church camp was held at AVANI Sepang Goldcoast Resort, an hour drive from KL. The resort is gorgeous - it's like something out of the Maldives (but closer to home and cheaper!). It's really an ideal place for a retreat. It's quiet with a fabulous beach. For a small fee, you can take part in unlimited sea sports, like jet-skiing.

Infinity pool

For families, there are luxurious family villas that sleep four with two separate rooms and two bathrooms! Lesley-Anne and I were booked in a superior villa (sleeps two). All the villas have a balcony that looks out to the sea.

The only drawback is that due to the size of the resort (the villas are very spread out), depending on where your villa is, you can be quite far from the lobby/main entrance area, which was where we had to go for all our speaker sessions.

If you see the photo below, the resort is laid out like a palm tree, with the lobby area at the base of the trunk. The superior villas are mostly along the trunk, while the family villas are along the "branches". Just the trunk itself is around 500m, and each of the "branches" is another 500m or so. Which means that if your villa is situated at the end of one of the branches, it's about a 1km hike to the main lobby.  

Photo: Avani Sepang

To facilitate movement, the resort provides free bikes that can be found parked all along the villas. 

They also provide a buggy service. However, since our church contingent comprised more than 600 campers, our church organisers told us to leave the buggies for the older folks who really needed it.

Our villa was located at the 350m mark from the main lobby, so it really didn't seem like a problem. Lesley-Anne is a terrible cyclist and she said she would most likely cycle into the sea, so walking was going to be our mode of transport. However, by the second day, my knees were killing me (though it was probably the prolonged standing during the sessions more than the walking that caused the problem).

One afternoon, Lesley-Anne was walking ahead and I was lagging behind under the scorching sun when I passed by a couple of bikes. Suddenly, biking seemed like a really good idea. I picked one, placed my bag in the front basket and hopped on. I gripped the handlebars confidently, and off I went!...for about 10 metres before nearly crashing into a flower bed. So much for not ever forgetting how to ride a bike. Anyway, the bike went back to the side of the path and I went back to shuffling the rest of the way.

So by the end of the second day with aching knees, I gave in and took the buggy.

I was a little abashed that I was taking up a spot that should have gone to the old aunties...and then I noticed something curious. Nobody shot me dirty looks as the buggy whizzed past them on the path. In fact, nobody even looked twice in my direction. Then it dawned on me. OMG. I AM THE OLD AUNTIE.

It's amazing how quickly your feelings can evolve. I went from shame to wonder to indignation to resignation all within a split second. (I'm efficient. Even my feelings are efficient). If ever I was in denial about my auntie status, that jiggly ride on the buggy snapped me out of my delusions once and for all.

It's official - I am part of the buggy generation. It's quite funny, when you think about it, that I had more than one sort of awakening at church camp. Ah well. The least I can do is accept it with grace and humour. And at least it's a comfortable ride.

Let's talk books - from fun ones to assessment books

The school hols are upon us again!

If you missed Lesley-Anne and me at our book launch at the Botanic Gardens, here's another chance to catch us:

Date: Saturday, 9 June 2018, 2.30-3pm 
Venue: Neo Kinokuniya Singapore Main Branch (Ngee Ann City)

We will be sharing stories behind our latest book, Secrets of Singapore: Botanic Gardens, answering any questions you might have, and of course, signing books. Meanwhile, I share some secrets of the book with Epigram Books!

And if it's the PSLE that's bugging you, here's a second date to jot down on your calendar: Thursday 7 June 9.30pm. Tune in to Channel NewsAsia's Talking Point, where they will be discussing the hot topic of assessment books. I spoke to the host Steven Chia about my views (and no, I won't be telling you which ones to buy!)

I was interviewed in my capacity as a mum, education blogger and author of The Good, the Bad and the PSLE, which Steven is reading here.

Remember to tune in!

Skincare more than Ordinary

Today's post is quite uncharacteristic - it's on skincare. If you're like me, facing the onset of ageing skin, read on.

My skin is generally unproblematic but when the kids came along, I started getting breakouts. I tried different products, from the drugstore brands to high end ones. Some were ok, many of them broke me out even more, but none were really very spectacular, even the ones that came highly recommended.

Then a few years ago, I discovered Paula's Choice and that was a game changer. Paula's Choice is founded by Paula Begoun. who has been lambasting beauty companies for years, for selling skincare with unproven claims and at ridiculously doped up prices. In the best case scenario, some of these dubious ingredients do nothing for your skin, and in the worst case, are actually harmful. Or in some cases, the ingredients in the product actually do work, but exist in such small quantities or are inappropriately packaged, so that their effectiveness is negligible.

For example, did you know many ingredients, like Vitamin C, when exposed to air, quickly oxidise and lose their effectiveness? Worse, instead of being antioxidants, they become pro-oxidants, meaning they're harmful for your skin. You can tell this has happened when your Vitamin C serum turns orange. In other words, if your cream is packaged in a jar, once you open it, it instantly starts to be less effective. Your $100 jar of face cream might as well be a decorative ornament on your dresser. Pretty but useless.

Know that beauty products are not strictly regulated so companies can make any claims they want. "75% of users showed a reduction in wrinkles in 2 weeks!" Well, that could very well be 3 out of 4 of the company's friends. Nobody checks or sets rules for these claims.

Paula's Choice products use ingredients that have been scientifically proven to work. In her products, she lists what each ingredient is used for. Her packaging does not allow for oxidisation and she doesn't add loads of unnecessary preservatives and fragrance, which are potentially irritating to the skin.

For instance, when I first started breaking out in adult acne, I tried a cream by L'oreal that contained BHA (salicylic acid), because I read that BHAs are great for acne. Horrors! It gave me little bumps like eczema. So I thought I was allergic to BHA and stopped using it. Many year later, I decided to try the Paula's Choice 2% BHA gel and guess what, it is a fantastic cure for acne. Turns out it was probably poor formulation on the L'oreal product or additives that didn't agree with my skin. Paula's Choice BHA worked so well so me that I bought a bottle for Andre when he was suffering from bad acne on his back. It completely healed. From then, this is the go-to zit cream for the whole family.

Anyway, for many years, I stuck to a Paula's Choice regime of BHA, retinol and moisturiser. It has kept my skin pretty problem-free.

Then in the last year or so, my skin started morphing again. It got drier and yet, I would regularly get painful cystic acne - you know, those big angry zits that even when they dry up, leave inflamed bumps under your skin that take forever to go away. BHA didn't seem to work as well. My skin was "maturing". GAH. I had to change my makeup because it would cake badly under my eyes and settle into the gazillion lines I never knew I had. Things became worse when I started swimming regularly. All that chlorine and thick sunscreen turned my skin into a confused mess.

Enter The Ordinary from UK. It caught my eye when I chanced upon many bloggers raving about this new brand and its focus on skincare research and science. What's unusual about this brand is that most of their products are formulated with only one main ingredient each, to target a specific problem, with no additives, fragrance, etc. You might be thinking, one ingredient? How many would I need then to tackle multiple issues?

Well, that's the beauty of the brand. You can customise your regime based on what you need and layer them as you wish because their prices are DIRT CHEAP. Less than S$10 for a 30ml bottle of high concentration Vitamin C or retinol serum. The founder, Brandon Truaxe, is pretty extraordinary. He ditches fancy marketing and packaging to reduce costs, and every time he manages to negotiate better prices for raw ingredients, he passes the savings back to customers. The Ordinary's tagline is "clinical formulations with integrity" and you only have to do a Google search to read all the rave reviews by users. Their rivals are selling equivalent concentrations for up to 10 times the price. No wonder The Ordinary can't produce the items fast enough to keep them in stock.

I bought two items to try out: Alpha Lipoic Acid 5% and Vitamin C Suspension 23% + HA Spheres 2%. Now, both are very strong and people have reported stinging sensations when using them. But me, being overly optimistic, figured that since I've been a long-time user of BHA, Vitamin C and Retinol, I would be ok. More is best, right?

Alpha Lipoic Acid is both an exfoliant and an antioxidant. They tell you you can't use it more than 2-3 times a week. I will attest to its strength. The first time, I only used 3 drops for whole face and neck. Holy cow. The burn. I quickly put a soothing moisturiser on top but even then, the sting took a while to subside. Oh and it has a funky smell, like sulphur.

Same with the Vitamin C 23%. They warn you on the website that application is not pleasant because of the gritty bits and it might sting because of its high potency. Yes to both. Plus it goes on with an oily feel that doesn't quite go away, so some people may not like that.

So at first, I half regretted my decision, especially for the Vitamin C cream, because the application was so unpleasant. It's almost like suffering for beauty. Was it worth it? I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't have been quite so gung-ho and gone for lower, more tolerant formulas.

But I found out that if I mixed the serums with my usual moisturiser (as advised on the website) before applying, it didn't sting so much any more or feel sandy. Then after about a week and a half of using the two products, I woke up one day and suddenly noticed the row of remnant cystic acne bumps along my chin that had stubbornly plagued me for more than a month was imperceptible. Like magic. I peered into the mirror and realised that my skin was brighter and smoother than it had been for a long time.

WOWZERS. At that moment, I had to quell an overwhelming urge to run out (virtually) and buy every single product from The Ordinary. I mean, I still love Paula's Choice but some of their products are really expensive, and the price point of The Ordinary is just so darn attractive.

Of course I didn't lah. I just bought a few. And then a few more. Don't judge me.

If you're confused by the many options in skincare and don't know where to start, I've tried to simplify it for you. (I'm not addressing things like cleansing and toning, just the stuff you put on your skin).

If you really are the can't-be-bothered type and want to do the minimum, I'd say just use a moisturiser with sunscreen in the morning and one with retinol at night. 

But if you are like me, above 40, facing the unpleasant realities of ageing skin, and want to do something about it before you end up looking like a wrinkled prune, here's a mini skincare lesson. There are many good skincare ingredients, but an essential anti-ageing regime should incorporate these main "types" (for lack of a better word) of skin thingies.

Retinol

Retinol, to date, is the only ingredient has been scientifically proven to lessen fine lines and reduce acne. It is the gold standard in wrinkle reduction. NOTHING ELSE. Forget whatever new snake oil companies are trying to market. This is what dermatologists prescribe for acne and wrinkles.

The problem is that retinol, especially in high concentrations, is highly irritating. Many people have been known to purge and peel for days, even weeks before they see that baby soft skin. This article explains retinol pretty comprehensively.

The Ordinary sells 6 different retinoid products, 3 of which are with Granactive Retinoid - an advanced form of retinol with all the goodness of retinol but without the irritation. I suggest you try these instead. Do note that retinoids make your skin sensitive to the sun, so use them only at night.

Exfoliants

Exfoliants are AHAs or BHAs that get rid of dead skin cells, unclog pores and reduce acne and blackheads, thus improving the texture of your skin. It's good to use this a few times a week. As mentioned, my family uses Paula's Choice 2% BHA for acne with much success.

However, like with retinol, if you're not used to exfoliants, you can also end up peeling before your skin heals. Technology has since uncovered new types of exfoliants that are even gentler on the skin. The Ordinary now offers Azelaic Acid and Mandelic Acid, both of which work like exfoliants but without the typical side effects.

Vitamin C

Once you hit a certain age, you realise with horror that the age spots you used to see on little old ladies now appear on you (ie you have become that little old lady). You curse all the times you were garang and refused to carry an umbrella while walking in the sun (because very "auntie") or the times you forgot to wear sunscreen.

If retinol is the gold standard for reducing wrinkles, then Vitamin C is the counterpart for reducing dark spots. Believe it or not, The Ordinary has 8 different products with Vitamin C, with different strengths and formulations. Talk about an over-achiever. Similarly, Vitamin C makes your skin sensitive to the sun so either wear sunscreen on top or use it only at night.

To reduce the confusion as to which one might be suitable for you, read their Vitamin C guide.

Moisturisers

Personally, I find this category really boring, so I try to use serums that multi-task in this area. Sometimes, I just skip this altogether if my serums have hydrating ingredients. If you need a moisturiser, The Ordinary has some very affordable ones with natural moisturising ingredients that you might like.


And that ends my very long post on skincare. I will try out the other items from The Ordinary and may review them on this blog if enough people are interested.

If you're not used to acids or retinol, don't be greedy and start with the lower concentrations. Otherwise you might end up peeling like an orange and having to hibernate at home for a few weeks.

I bought my earlier batch from Beauty Bay - you get free delivery to Singapore if you spend just S$28. Or you can also buy from Cult Beauty or LookFantastic (smallest range but no minimum for free shipping). They're always out of stock, so be patient. 

If you want to try Paula's Choice instead, use this referral code to get a $10 coupon: http://i.refs.cc/v2j0UikY?u=1525157486660. The online store is offering free shipping on any purchase for the month of May.

You know I'm not a beauty blogger so none of my products were sponsored. I'm blogging about it because all good things should be shared. Let me know if you've enjoyed reading this, ok?

Job opportunity - Content Creator/Copywriter

Update 6 May 2018: I have changed the job specs slightly and extended the deadline to 17 May.

Last year, I listed job vacancies for copywriters with my agency, Hedgehog Communications. I took on two candidates and thought that would shore up capacity for at least a year or two. As it turned out, we were so blessed that business grew faster than I expected and here I am, looking for people again, six months later.

Here are the details of the job. If you fit the bill, or you know anyone who does, please feel free to write in.

Content Creator/Copywriter

We are looking for content creators and copywriters able to write original and engaging copy. Priority will be given to those who have written for online channels, including websites and social media. However, we are also seeking copywriters for print media, such as annual reports, brochures, newsletters and advertising campaigns.

Job requirements

• You should have at least five years of professional writing experience.
• You should have written for online and print media, with a portfolio of published articles (letters to ST Forum page do NOT count).
• Ideally, you should be comfortable with the digital environment, and familiar with SEO practices. If you are not, you should be prepared to undergo a course on SEO writing.
• Since this is a writing position, you should be able to use words as a tool to communicate clearly and simply. You will sometimes need to help clients organise their content in a way that makes sense for the reader.
• Needless to say, you should be a stickler for grammar.
• You should be able to adapt your writing style to suit different types of clients/industries.

Do you fit the profile of a Hedgie?

• Reliable, reliable, reliable – we always deliver quality work on time. This is non-negotiable.
• Flexible – this is essentially a freelance arrangement and the work may come in bursts and spurts, so you’ll need to be prepared to toggle between chiongster and chill modes.
• Take pride in our work – we believe that the work we do is meaningful both to us and to our clients.
• Responsive and professional – we work directly with clients and need to assure them that they are in good hands.
• Eager to improve and learn – our team of very senior writers is always ready to mentor and guide other hedgies in industries/collaterals that they may be less familiar with.
• Genuine, loyal and honest – this has nothing to do with work and everything to do with being a great human being.
• Team player – we regularly work in teams on projects, so it’s important that we look out for one another and enjoy each other’s company.
• Good sense of humour – we take our work very seriously, but ourselves, not so much.

How to apply

Let us know why you would like to join Hedgehog Communications. Along with your reasons, please submit your cv and a portfolio or links to your published work. Send your application to monica@hedgehog.sg by Thursday, 17 May 2018.
 

About Hedgehog Communications
 
With 16 years in the business, Hedgehog Communications is one of the most established copywriting agencies in Singapore, especially for the public sector. We have helped clarify and simplify written communications for more than 100 organisations, both in Singapore and internationally. We currently have a team of 13 copywriters from diverse backgrounds and experience, most of whom have at least 10 years of communication or corporate experience. All our copywriters work on a freelance basis.

We have built a reputation based on quality, reliability and timely delivery.

Why join Hedgehog Communications

• Get the opportunity to write for major clients and be involved in national level projects.
• Enjoy the flexibility of a freelance arrangement without having to report to a physical office or adhere to fixed hours (SAHMs are welcome to apply).
• Focus on writing without having to worry about business and administrative aspects.
• Be paid competitive fees typically higher than the average freelance rate.
• Be part of a very dedicated and collaborative team (with a supportive boss).

Find out more about the philosophy and background of Hedgehog Communications.