The day chivalry died

I know I haven't blogged about Andre in ages. I guess there are limitations when a kid hits secondary school:

1) The frequency of funny incidents has decreased since he has matured (somewhat).

2) He is less inclined to let me blog about incidents as he has grown more self-conscious (slightly).

3) Even when there are funny incidents, I think twice about whether to blog about them because part of me thinks, "Alamak!  How come he's still so childish?"

Nevertheless, I know that a few years ago, the funny perspectives of Andre were what many readers looked forward to on this blog, so I decided to write one just for old time's sake. This dialogue took place last year, during Andre's PSLE year and was told to Lesley-Anne by their Chinese tuition teacher.

Incidentally, their lao shi is a darling. She's animated, engaging and always tries to make the Chinese language interesting.  Even though she sometimes expresses exasperation with Andre (she equates teaching him to playing ball: "他好像在跟我打球一样. 我教他什么，他就打回给我."), she finds him hilarious.

This was a particular conversation that kept her in stitches.

Lao shi: "以后你要照顾姐姐." ('In the future, you should look after your sister.")

Andre: "呵! 不要! 以后我找个男人给她就可以了." ("Hah! I dowan! Next time, I'll just find a man for her.")

Lao shi: "可是，如果有人要欺负她的话，你一定要保护她." ("But if anyone tries to bully her, you have to protect her.")

Andre: "不用啦! 她的这个 (shows fist) 很强!" ("No need lah! Her fist is very powerful!")

Big sisters rule!

A book to call my own

I'm having a book published!

There, I've said it.  I've been working on it for a few months now and been wondering when I should mention it on my blog.  Finally, I decided it's time.  After all, you guys are my most loyal readers so it's only right that I give you a sneak peak.

How did this project come about? Well, as you know, I've been writing for clients for more than 10 years now and recently, the thought struck me that it would be nice to have something published that was mine, instead of belonging to someone else. I was reading my old blog posts one day and chuckling over some Andre stories when I thought, maybe some of these could be possible fodder for a book.  So I compiled a few and emailed them to Edmund, the boss of Epigram Books, whom I know from previous work collaborations.

Quite to my surprise, he instantly replied and said, "Yes. Let's talk."  So talk we did and to cut a long story short, I signed a contract with Epigram Books for a fiction title. I must say, I feel very blessed. What? No need to cry over tons of rejection slips? No passing on a manuscript from publisher to publisher begging them to take a look at my work?  Maybe God figures I'm too tired to take that sort of rejection and gave me a free pass, haha.

Anyway, here are the details:

Title (tentative): The Good, the Bad and the PSLE
Genre: Literary fiction (humour)
No. of pages: 160 (approximate)
Format: paperback
Release date: September 2013
RRP: $17.90 (before GST)/$19.15 (after GST) 

The book is essentially about a typical Singaporean mother who navigates the local education system by helping her two children do well in school. Her older daughter is an ace student while her younger son is the total opposite who cares more about soccer and canteen food than getting full marks for spelling. The book culminates in the daughter' PSLE.

At this point, you're probably thinking, hmm... this family sounds familiar and of course, you're right! Many of the stories were taken from my old blog posts and woven into a narrative.  The son is very much based on Andre and the daughter in the book is a more intense version of Lesley-Anne.  I state this upfront so that if you're a long-time reader of my blog and decide to buy my book, you won't be surprised if you come across previously used material. 

I deliberately wrote this book as a fun and light-hearted read, it's definitely NOT a how-to-survive-PSLE guide (although as I told the publisher, the latter might actually sell more copies!)  I've always been big on humour so I hope to give readers a few laughs, especially on this subject that has come to stress out many Singaporeans.

The book is going through edits now and the picture on the right is a proposed book cover that has since been rejected and being reworked.  But here, you guys get a little behind-the-scenes glimpse at the work-in-progress.

It's a fascinating process and I love being part of it.  Epigram Books is great - they consult authors over things like covers, illustrations and really put in a great deal of thought into them.

I'll be giving regular updates on this blog. It's still two months before the book is published but when the time comes, I hope I can count on all your support!

The clarinet cadenza

Next week, Lesley-Anne will step down from the band, her CCA for four years of secondary school. During that time, she learnt the clarinet and became the assistant section leader.

To be perfectly honest, she's not unhappy to leave the band, even though she has made great friends there. She's relieved because the entire process of being part of a performing arts group in school is so intensive and taken so seriously that it has become more stressful than fun (previously mentioned in this post). Which I find a real pity because it's so great to be able to play music as part of a group.

Nevertheless, she can't deny that joining the band has brought about immeasurable benefits, not least of them, the opportunity to learn how to play a new instrument. Thanks to all the extensive practices, Lesley-Anne has grown to be quite adept at the clarinet.

In fact, the clarinet coach was sufficiently confident in her section's abilities to suggest that they try out for a clarinet exam last year. Lesley-Anne formed a group with three of her batch mates and entered the University of West London Music Performance (LCM) Ensemble Level 3 exam (there are five levels in total).  The group managed to score a Distinction, which I felt was such a nice reward to show for the four years of hard work.

Anyway, before Lesley-Anne stepped down, I decided to record her playing as a keepsake, since I'm almost certain that she'll never be able to play at this level again, once the practices stop.  I also made her take some photos of the clarinet (the instrument belongs to the school and she's not interested in getting one of her own).  It's a gorgeous instrument.

And here's the recording.  It's quite difficult to find a concert piece where the clarinet has the melody line but this one, "Concerto D'Amore" by Jacob De Haan, comes pretty close.  In this piece, the same theme repeated throughout piece in three styles - baroque, pop and jazz.  The first video shows Lesley-Anne playing the baroque part and the second video shows the jazz.

Maybe in the far future, she might look back at these and decide that she'll want to take up in the clarinet again.  If not, at least she'll have something to remember this chapter of her music journey.

"No birdcall is the musical equal of a clarinet blown with panache." - Edward Hoagland

You say yes, I say no

When I was a young adult in the 1990s, I used to be extremely irritated by several older relatives who were in the pro-PAP camp. To me, it seemed like they were completely irrational. When things went well, they credited the PAP.  When things went wrong, they dismissed it.  Not only could the PAP do no wrong, it was considered taboo to even question them. Whenever I asked something that would even hint at their mistakes, I was greeted with a raised eyebrow. How dare I question them? Did I think that I, a young nobody, knew better?

Today, the political landscape has completed changed, as we all know.  People don't only dare to question, they do so openly and aggressively, especially online.  For the most part, I welcome this. It is definitely preferable to inertia and apathy.

However, of late, I've become increasingly irritated. Maybe it's a sign of aging but I find that what was supposed to be an awakening of a nation has turned into a massive wave of fault-finding and scapegoating.  We have moved from a drought to a flood. Everywhere I see on the world wide web, every damn thing is being politicised.  There are complaints about every single thing. In a complete turnaround, now everything is the PAP's fault.  Even the most obscure matters can somehow be linked back to something the PAP did wrong.

In fact, now you can't even make a simple remark (like complimenting a foreigner) without being branded a Pappie. People who feel that some anti-PAP comments are unfair dare not speak up because they don't want to be labelled as such.  That's when I realised that the anti-PAP camp today is in a way, no different from the pro-PAP camp back in the 1990s.  To me, being a yes-man is virtually identical to being a no-man. The only difference is the word used. One says yes no matter what, the other says no.

Think about it - one thinks the PAP can do no wrong, the other thinks the PAP can do no right.  One thinks the PAP always has the best intentions, the other thinks the PAP always has the worst.  One thinks the PAP has all the answers, the other thinks the PAP creates all the problems.  One thinks opposition supporters are all entitled, ungrateful trouble-makers, the other thinks PAP supporters are all stupid, brainwashed sheep.

What people may not realise is that both camps are equally unthinking and undiscerning.  Both practise double standards.  Both give their preferred camps an infinitely long leash and nitpick at their identified villains with a fine-toothed comb. Both reduce people to one-dimensional stereotypes with a singular trajectory of thought. Both hold fast to the insular "if you're not for us, you're against us" mentality.

I'm not saying that all opposition supporters are like this, of course. Many of my friends support the opposition (I even hesitate to use the phrase "opposition supporter" because it implies unconditional support of this very diverse group) and they're level-headed individuals. I also made no secret of my happiness when Worker's Party won Aljunied GRC. But for every intelligent speech made by Sylvia Lim, it's sullied by the baseless vitriol and half-truths that go in some other online site and spread by people who are not interested in verifying the facts.

I wonder if some of these anti-PAP know that they're actually undermining their own cause because when it comes to the polls, people who are sympathetic to the opposition might not vote so because they're so antithetical to being associated with this group.

I believe that each person has to be assessed on their own merits (which is why I don't agree with the GRC system). I do like many opposition members but not all.  Even among those in the same party, I admire some but not others. Even then, somebody I like may say something that I don't quite agree with. That is the multi-facetness of human beings. There are very few individuals on earth that are unequivocally evil or saintly.  If even an individual can be so complex, then generalising all persons in one party as having a single train of thought or objective is even more ludicrous.  It's so simplistic that the only explanation is people do so because it's easier to justify their own agendas.

It's like someone who has made up his mind that his life turned out crappy because he had bad parents. Everything negative that happens to him (even 20, 30 years later), he can somehow turn it into his parents' fault. It's a simple way of dealing with dissonance because otherwise he might have to consider the possibility that maybe some of it was due to his own choices or even unfortunate circumstances.  But it's extremely unhealthy because it absolves the individual of any form of responsibility for his own actions. It doesn't benefit the people he's around and it doesn't even benefit himself because he's so full of bitterness that he cannot focus on more meaningful tasks at hand.

I want to be won over by reason and logic, not half-cooked conspiracy theories backed by skimpy or no evidence and fraught with emotional blackmail.  I think some people have confused having critical thinking as being the same as criticising everything. They're not the same thing at all.

I want to be critical where something is flawed and to give credit where things work.  That is my approach on this blog when it comes to education policies and practices.  Obviously, I'm not always right, but I do try to be as rational as possible.  And I don't see why this cannot be the approach even for politics.

Am I moving too far from my rational side to becoming an idealist? After all, this is a nation with people who will get into fights and call the police over a stuffed feline.  Maybe that's why I hardly blog about politics (until something bugs me so much I have to get it out of my system). I dislike how it always seems to generate so much volatility.

All I know is that at the end of the day, all this mud-slinging on both sides of the fence solves nothing. All it does is make our country very muddy.

Touch typing for kids

One week of school holidays to go and with all school activities cancelled due to the haze, and the kids unable to go outdoors, I'm guessing many parents are getting tired of their children bouncing off walls at home.

Instead of succumbing to endless computer games and tv, I have a suggestion for a more meaningful activity for your kids (no, it's not assessment books).

It's typing.

We all know typing is an essential skill in the age of technology.  Some schools organise a few sessions in primary school where the students get to learn typing during the school term. Andre had this in p1 or p2, I don't remember. But since it was held in a computer lab where the kids had to share computers, he didn't get much out of it.

Last November after his PSLE, when he had played non-stop for 6 weeks straight, I realised that he had another 7 weeks of holidays.  At this rate, he was going to completely lose all his brain cells (or whatever was left of them) by the time 2012 had ended, so I searched online for a typing programme and found this one:  BBC Dance Mat Typing.

It's clearly designed for younger kids since it has cartoon characters and whatnot.  But it's systematic and very straightforward. You go through the exercises and advance to different levels.  I found that it does its job pretty well in helping kids get the hang of where the letters are on the keyboard.

Where it's a little lacking is the practice exercises. If your children have completed this and you want them to hone their skills, there are lots of free sites which test your ability as you type.  I downloaded one called Stamina which Lesley-Anne found pretty useful. It sets you exercises and tells you how accurate and fast you are.

There are many others available, some even come with games.  Learning to type is certainly a lot more fun now than in my time!

The glorious Gold Coast

We're back from our one-week vacation in Gold Coast!  I'll be blogging about our holiday over the next week or so, so do check out my Travel Blog for updates.  The first post is already up.

Meanwhile, here are some photos.

The Aloha spirit

Quite coincidentally, the Hawaiian theme was channeled in our household last Friday.  First was the appearance of Lesley-Anne's photo doing stand up paddling on Straits Times Life! section as part of the article on activities for the June holidays.

The photo was provided by my friend Isabelle, founder of the SUP School, something I blogged about a few months ago.  Great to see that it's generating quite a lot of interest!

In the same spirit of Hawaii, we were at Orchard Central for lunch with my sister when she mentioned that she was taking ukelele lessons. This caught Lesley-Anne's attention and as it so happened, there was a music shop right in the mall, showcasing a wide range of ukeleles.

There are four types of ukeleles (from smallest to biggest) - soprano, concert, tenor and baritone.  The great thing about the ukelele is that it's an instrument synonymous with fun, so it comes in many designs and colours. Even Hello Kitty and Spongebob! More importantly, the type of wood, the thickness and the shape all create a different sound, so you need to try each one to see which you like best.

My sister and Lesley-Anne tried out several but there was one soprano ukelele that caught my eye simply because of the aesthetic.  It had a couple of simple carvings that were not too traditional yet not too kitsch. I forgot what type of wood it was made of but the sound was mellow and full, simply lovely.

When my sister tried it, it looked too small for her but when we put it in Lesley-Anne's arms, it looked like it belonged to her, that's how petite she is!  And that's how she ended up with a new toy that day.  (Andre was more interested in the case - he's trying to project the Mafia look here).

 

The ukelele is a relatively easy instrument to pick up.  Like the guitar, you can download the chord chart from Internet and learn chords quite quickly on your own.  Popular ukelele pop songs include Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours", "Hey Soul Sister" by Train, "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah".  

The ukelele is easier to learn than the guitar as it has only four strings compared to the guitar's six. It's less unwieldy (especially if you're small in stature) and it's also much more portable.  Within the same day, Lesley-Anne could strum to simple songs that didn't require complex chord changes.  Over the weekend, I was treated to bright and chirpy tunes emitting from her room.  It's such a mood lifter.  

All that for just $70.  A small price to pay for happy.

With that, I'm signing off for a bit as we'll be on a vacation break first week of June.  Happy holidays, Mahalo and Aloha!

Invasion of the Grammar Nazis

Lesley-Anne's friend once noted, "you use correct grammar even in your sms-es!"

Yup. She generally doesn't use the teen lingo, such as:

"gr8! cu @ mall w8n 4 u cos dun wan get u d wrg ting."

Such messages drive me crazy and I find them simply incomprehensible. Call me a dinosaur but if being cool entails communicating like this, I'm perfectly happy with my kid being in the uncool crowd.

I'm not sure if it's due to my influence that Lesley-Anne escaped this endemic.  Her grammar obsession extends to other areas of English. In sec 2, some of her classmates did a project which involved testing kids on their pronunciation skills.  Among the words on the list were: rendezvous, lingerie, awry, debut, ensemble, reconnaissance and renaissance.  Apparently, some kids totally butchered the words eg. "ren-der-vouse", "aw-ree".  

Lesley-Anne was one of the few who could pronounce all the words and when her classmates asked her about her ability, she replied, "my Mum is a pronunciation Nazi".  When she recounted the story to me, I wanted to protest but I knew she was right because I had to suppress my urge to correct her pronunciation of "Nazi" ("nahd-zee", not "nah-zee").

It's probably because of our shared passion for reading and writing, that we take such offence to the mangling of language.  I'm not claiming that my pronunciation or even my grammar is perfect.  There are occasions when I've stared at a sentence so long that I can no longer tell if it's grammatical. Being a frequent user of Singlish doesn't help. (My blog probably contains lots of mistakes too but since this is a casual platform, I try not to be too anal about it).

But when I spot glaring errors, especially in the media, it irks me and it looks like Lesley-Anne has inherited this trait. I love this cartoon - it sums up our feelings.  

I think most mothers and daughters have a unique area that they can bond over, and for Lesley-Anne and I, it's the love of words. She frequently discusses books with me and approaches me when she needs help or advice for English or Lit.  It's something that I cherish and I know she does too (even though she may not admit it).  Incidentally, it's not just a one-way street - I'm increasingly seeking her opinion about the usage of words and phrases, and I find that she has a pretty intuitive grasp of what constitutes good writing.

It's far from being a perfect partnership though.  Lesley-Anne's weak spot is maths and in this area, I'm completely hopeless.  She related to me (rather enviously) that some of her friends, when unable to do some maths problems, would consult their mothers.  She told her friends, "you're so lucky. When I asked my mother about log, she said, 'err... log is to beaver'."

Lol. It's true. Ah well, one can only obsess over so many things.

Fruit loop

What I'm about to share will turn everything you've ever thought to be true in the world of fruit completely upside down.  So if you wanna live in blissful ignorance, stop reading now.

Lesley-Anne came home from school one day, sighing gloomily, "my life is a lie!"  What happened was that in biology, the teacher had taught them about the scientific classification of fruit and it turned out to be totally different from how we laypersons classify fruit.

For example, if I were to ask, among these four items - apple, lemon, grape, peanut - which of these is not like the other?  I'm sure most people would say peanut because it's not a fruit.  Well, if you did, you would be wrong.  The peanut IS a fruit.  The odd one out is the apple because although it's classified as a fruit, the part we eat is NOT the fruit. The fruit of the apple is actually the core. What we're eating is the modified receptacle of the apple flower.

In fact, many plants that we typically would not consider to be fruit are fruit. To scientists, fruit are products of flowers and usually develop as a result of a flower being pollinated.  This means that all grains, like wheat and corn, are fruit. So are sunflower seeds, green beans and hazelnuts.  

Mind blown yet? There's more. Among these next four items - avocado, strawberry, water melon, cucumber - which of these is not like the other? Now you've probably wised up and thinking, oh, it's a trick question.  Maybe the cucumber is a fruit. So maybe the avocado is not a fruit but a vegetable?  Wrong! All of them are fruit! The one that doesn't belong is the strawberry.  Because it's the only one that's not a berry!

Whaaaaatt?? Yup. That was my reaction too.  In botanical language, a berry is a fruit with seeds and pulp produced from a single ovary.   This means that the following are all classified under berries: all citrus fruit (eg. oranges, lemons, kumquats), grapes, bananas, cucumbers, pumpkins, squash, tomatoes, eggplants, water melons, papayas, guavas, bell peppers, avocados and coffee.  The silly fact is that not all fruit with "berry" in their names are true berries.  Blueberries, cranberries and gooseberries are indeed berries but not strawberries, raspberries or blackberries. 

Our brains can only take so much dissonance.  Still reeling, I asked, "so what's a tau geh?"  Lesley-Anne's classmate asked, disbelieving, "How can a banana and a watermelon be in the same fruit group?"  Lesley-Anne said indignantly, "To sum it up, a peanut is not a nut. A bean is not a bean. A strawberry is not a berry and in a way, an apple is not a fruit. I'm in the Fruit Matrix."

The next time you see a yoghurt label saying 'mixed berries', tell yourself it's all a lie.

A birthday bash with pumpkin fries and popiah

Lesley-Anne's birthday was in April but she flat out refused to celebrate it because it was in the middle of her exams. No cake, no birthday song, she even declined opening her presents.  I think us gift givers were more excited than she was that she was turning 16. I've honestly not met a teen more adept at delayed gratification than Lesley-Anne.

Anyway, the dreaded exams finally came to an end and we took her out for a belated celebratory lunch at House, a restaurant at Dempsey.

It was packed on 1 May, a public holiday. Several walk-ins had to be turned away.  They're doing a booming business.

This was our first time there and the brunch menu was pretty extensive, it was quite a task trying to decide what to order.  We had 6 in our party so in the end, we ordered several different items to share.

Charcuterie Plate ($24): included Ham hock terrine, salami, chicken liver pate, gherkins, walnuts, caramelised onions (yum!) and bread. This is a rather rich platter, can get jelat pretty quickly but for sharing, it's great. 

Pumpkin Risotto ($25). To me, this was the best dish we ordered. Creamy and sweet, and bursting with flavour. My kids loved this too.

House offers a variety of specialty fries. We ordered the pumpkin hazelnut fries ($12) and they were really delicious. Crumbly on the outside, soft on the inside and the paprika gave them a wowza kick.  Next to it is the Fish Basket ($29). It was ok but more run of the mill.

My kids ordered the Old-fashioned American Sliders ($24): a pair of mini burgers with sweet potato and truffle fries. The beef patties were juicy and well done but the fries were way too salty and over-fried. My recommendation is to order their specialty fries instead.

House claims to have Singapore's best tau sar pow and Andre loves red bean paste, so we ordered two of those. You can order them on their own ($2.50 each) or as a set ($8) that comes with a glass of teh tarik.  I'll say, skip the teh tarik.  That was the only item we tried that was a total letdown for me.  Real teh tarik doesn't have honey and I'm pretty sure the tea wasn't actually pulled. Don't mess around with the real thing!

The tau sar pows though, were truly not bad. They're served warm and soft, and the filling is very smooth and creamy. We gobbled them up before realising we'd forgotten to take a picture! A nice way to end the meal, on a sweet note.

That wasn't the end of Lesley-Anne's birthday celebration though.  Dinner that night was also a special treat - my mil's yummilicious popiah!  We only have this a couple of times a year because it's a mammoth preparation job that includes cooking the popiah filling the night before and waking up at the crack of dawn to re-heat and stir the mixture.

My sister and bil joined in the feast. And what a feast!

The belated birthday cake.  One of Lesley-Anne's favourite flavours - Oreo cheesecake.

Happy Sweet 16, Lesley-Anne! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥