Walking The Line

I know I've been a laggard in blogging. Sorry lah, it's CNY and my entire system has been in lockdown mode.

This CNY has been such a whirlwind affair, we've hardly begun to celebrate before it's over. To add to the excitement, Lesley-Anne came down with an unfortunate bout of food poisoning on CNY eve (which led to a 2am visit to a 24-hour doc for an anti-vomiting jab). Her new clothes and shoes remained untouched while she spent the two days of CNY in bed, eating porridge and ham sandwiches.

Incidentally, Lesley-Anne's Chinese zodiac fortune for this year read "The Water Dragon will be unfriendly to you." You don't say.

Anyway, she's feeling much better now and she had a chance to catch up on the feasting when my sister treated us to lunch at Shangri-la's celebrated buffet, The Line.

We're not frequent patrons of buffets as we don't have insatiable appetites, but it was a real treat. The Line is known for its spectacular spread - there's a Chinese, Indian, Western, Italian and Japanese selection, on top of the cold appetisers and of course, the impressive array of desserts.

We didn't sample all the stations. We simply zoomed in on our favourites, like the cold seafood. Crab claws, succulent prawns, raw oysters, mussels.

And sashimi, of course! As much salmon belly as you can eat.

The food was very fresh. We had too many helpings to count but the crowning glory has to be the dessert. This is one seriously awesome spread - makes you wish you were a cow just so you can have four stomachs!

Andre tackling the chocolate fountain.

Before conquering the ice-cream station. He had mango sorbet and raspberry sorbet with chocolate sprinkles, rainbow sprinkles, chocolate chips and gummy worms. I call it the hyperactive drive concoction.

Topping it all up with a foamy cup of cappuccino.

Kopi tarik and teh tarik for husband and wife.

Eating at the Shang is really very pleasant. It's surrounded by green and as we discovered, even the squirrels have acquired a taste for fine dining. We actually saw a couple run up and down the tables outside, foraging for leftovers.

Just a by the way but there's a chocolate carving of two dragons in the Shang lobby which I thought was mighty impressive.

Me and my fabulous sister!

Festive feasting

We've been celebrating lots of 'firsts' in our new home and here's another - our first Chinese New Year.

It's always exciting to dress up a new home and this year, we've decided to go green. The red flowers are coxcombs, we bought them just because they looked so festive.















But more than just a new location, this CNY is different because my mother-in-law is living with us, meaning we get to see the CNY goodies being made (as opposed to previous years where we merely ate them, lol).

While we still buy most of the goodies, there are a few that my mil will faithfully make every year. Don't even think about asking her to buy them instead as none will be able to live up to her standards. Mind you, I'm not complaining!

Here she is, stirring the jelly. This jelly is a lot more work than the regular kind. Besides making the mixture, it needs to be sunned for several days to give it that crunchy texture.

Home-made pineapple tarts. If you've tried these, you'll never go back to the gummy, commercial ones.

Besides snacks, my mil also prepares specialty CNY foods, like these yam coins which will be pan fried with mushrooms during CNY.

But my favourite, hands down, is the carrot and pumpkin kueh. For the carrot kueh, radishes are grated...

... and then fried with meat and mushrooms.

These are then mixed with flour and put into large vats (these are the carrot kueh) and steamed.

Come CNY, the kueh will be sliced thinly and fried till crisp, then eaten with sweet sauce. This is our typical CNY breakfast and I love, love, love it, the pumpkin especially.

Andre's school badminton tournaments will take place just after CNY (who's crappy idea was that?) and the coach is already warning all the players to stay away from bak kua, soft drinks and prawn rolls.

I think she's fighting a losing battle. She needs to resign herself to the fact that she's gonna have a sluggish team on her hands. I've seen the kids - they love their food more than they love badminton.

Well, I reckon the little dragons are entitled to usher in their year with some festive feasting. Happy New Year, everyone and may the Dragon charge into your life bringing cheer and blessings!

Lit my fire

Last year, when Lesley-Anne attended a school briefing on sec 3 subject combinations. the teacher made it quite clear that she expected the SBGE (school-based gifted education) kids to either go for the special programmes or the triple science option.

Defying the recommendation, Lesley-Anne chose the literature and double science combination. To the teacher, she's probably not living up to her potential. She also told me she has friends who prefer the humanities but are being forced by their parents to go into triple science because it's more prestigious.

Deja vu. I faced the same scenario when I opted out of triple science to go into the arts class at sec 3. It's astonishing how some attitudes haven't changed in 30 years.

What I'm going to say next may offend the math/science folks. If you're a math/science person, don't kill me. I know it's a generalisation and doesn't apply to everyone. But back in my undergraduate years at NUS, I found the arts folks to be more interesting people and have a broader mindset than those from science or engineering. Towards the end of last year, Lesley-Anne started complaining that some of her classmates (the majority of whom are math and science-oriented) are very dull and narrow-minded. In contrast, she finds her humanities class this year vibrant and outgoing.

I don't think it's a coincidence. Kids who tend to think in black-and-white will veer towards the sciences because they prefer to learn things that are more tangible. They are uncomfortable with the humanities because they find security only in subjects that they can mug for or have fixed solutions.

The humanities, literature especially, are much more open to interpretation. If you're unable to form your own opinion or are used to having someone tell you what is the right or wrong answer, I can see why this will be difficult. Unfortunately, it is these kids who shun the humanities that will most benefit from it.

Of course lit is not perfect. The thing about lit is that it's so open-ended that sometimes, I think we take too many liberties with it. Students and teachers tend to get a little carried away, reading too much into texts. Afterall, who's to say they're wrong? And you're graded based on how much you say.

Lesley-Anne and I often joke about this. Eg:

Passage: "The curtains were blue."
Student's interpretation: "The author was melancholic."
Teacher's interpretation: "The author was reminded of the sea, where he used to live, and he was melancholic."
Author's intended meaning: "The curtains were blue."

Nevertheless, it's heaps of fun and I honestly believe that the humanities groom individuals who are more creative and more able to think for themselves. Lesley-Anne has had a great start to the year and is enjoying herself tremendously. She came home one day and said, "I have back-to-back periods of language arts and lit. Heaven!" I can imagine it's probably some kids' idea of hell.

True learning is not just about amassing facts or applying data. Math and science have their place, but so do the humanities, and the latter is definitely not the "inferior" option. Hopefully it won't take another 30 years for Singaporeans to understand this.

Teaching that inspires

Before the school holidays ended, we made time for a family movie night. The chosen flick was Mr Holland's Opus. Set from 1965-1995, it's about Glenn Holland, a professional musician who starts teaching music at a local high school thinking it would give him time to compose his own music.

Initially, he is unable to make any inroads in teaching but over time, grows to become an adept teacher. The story also outlines his struggles coming to terms with having a deaf son. After 30 years of teaching, the music programme at the school is cancelled, putting Mr Holland out of a job and leaving him wondering if he had wasted his life.

There are several reasons why I love this movie. One, Mr Holland, played by Richard Dreyfuss, is portrayed as not your typical, idealistic individual but a very real, down to earth teacher with human failings that anyone can identify with.

Second, I like that Mr Holland is a music teacher. Just like in Singapore, music and other "soft" subjects are considered non essential in the US and this comes through in the movie. I love this quote towards the end of the movie, when the Vice-Principal broke the news to Mr Holland that the music programme was being canned:

VP: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division.

Mr Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.

It's inspiring without being saccharine and overly dramatic, like many American attempt-to-feel-good movies.

Maybe I love it so much because it has so many parallels in real life. When Mr Holland started out as a teacher, it was simply out of necessity and he left the kids cold. It was only when he grew to love teaching and his students that he touched so many of them.

I've discovered that the best teachers are often not the ones who know the best methods. Andre has had teachers who no doubt, know how to teach. But some of them have completely turned him off lessons because they teach with the impersonal indifference of someone merely executing a task.

Kids are very perceptive. They know who are the teachers who care and who are the ones who don't give a damn. (Andre's friend had a math teacher who openly declared to the class after a frustrating session, "I don't care if you understand this, I still get paid.")

That's why I'm totally against those who go into teaching purely to chase a career path. Teaching is a calling, much like nursing. If you're annoyed by kids, you'll quickly find them a burden in your life and these kids will be left uninspired and unimpressed.

Schools may be surprised to know this but it's also not about how strict the teachers are. I've consistently found that the best-loved teachers, some of whom are the fiercest human beings around, are the ones who have a heart for the kids and truly want the kids to do well. The ones who love the kids they teach will find ways to motivate them to do better. The ones who don't, well, even with the best techniques, will leave the children disinterested. It's time we realise that learning is less about methods and more about attitudes.

This year, both Lesley-Anne and Andre have been assigned excellent teachers, for which I'm deeply thankful. In fact, when Lesley-Anne heard the names of Andre's teachers, she went, "wah, strike lottery!"

Indeed, getting good teachers is like striking lottery, since every school, no matter how good, will have its fair share of good and not-so-good teachers. I can think of few things in our children's school life as important as the quality of teachers. It is infinitely more important than the brand of the school or the range of its facilities.

So, back to Mr Holland's Opus. Do watch it, if you haven't already, for a dose of heart-warming inspiration. If I were the NIE, I would make all teachers-to-be watch this movie. In the end, it's not the grand gestures of teachers, just everyday little ones, that make a lasting impression.

"What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches." ~Karl Menninger

Letters

31 December 2011, New Year's Eve

Dearest Lesley-Anne

Often, I marvel at how I managed to have a daughter like you. I thank God for your selflessness, how you're always putting others ahead of you. Sometimes I worry it will allow others to take advantage of you but I have to trust that God will bless you with the accompanying wisdom to discern good from bad, and continue to guide your path.

You're mature beyond your years, thoughtful and bright, tempered with a dollop of level-headedness. I'm constantly amazed by your discipline, sensitivity, and most of all, your godliness. At the same time, your feistiness (I know I often call it pig-headedness) keeps you from being bland.

My wish for you this New Year is that you will delight in new experiences, not to be afraid to try something different, even if you risk making a fool of yourself. I know the world seems like a scary place and people can be mean, but choosing what is safe because it's familiar is no way to live your life.

I pray that you will let go of your defence mechanism, move out of your comfort zone and open up more to others. Expect more of yourself - you'll be surprised at what you can achieve. It's not about getting to know yourself better because who you are is not carved in stone. You are a work in progress and it is only by embracing life and whatever is thrown at you, that you will grow in depth as a human being.

You are an incredible young lady and I'm truly grateful to have a daughter like you.


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Mummy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Andre

Where do I begin? You are such a (big) bundle of joy. I thank God for your spontaneity, your big heart and your eagerness to please. I live for all your hugs and kisses, given with such unadulterated affection.

Sometimes I worry about your innocence, how you're so unaware of the ways of the world and how you wear your heart on your sleeve. But I know it's this quality that makes you so genuine and lovable, and it's what draws people to you. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You keep me young because you keep me laughing! Without even trying.

For 2012, I wish for you patience - something we will both need in the PSLE year. I know that for someone who's always living for the moment, it will be an incredibly difficult lesson for you - to work towards a goal that seems so far away, and a reward that beckons only with hope, not promises.

But I pray that in this process, you will learn that diligence builds character (ugh, I know, I sound like the father in Calvin & Hobbes) and that you will come to understand it's the journey, not the end result, that will enrich your life.

May your generous spirit never diminish. When people around you judge you or try to make you feel less of a person, I hope you will always be secure in the knowledge that you are a champ in every sense of the word.

You are a blessing to many and I thank God that you have been entrusted to me.


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Mummy

'Tis the season to be jolly

We've lived in our new home for about a month now (after discounting the 2 weeks we were away in NZ) and it's only about now that I finally feel this is home.

It may sound strange but for the first couple of weeks, a part of me felt like I was living in a show flat. I would get very flustered when I saw newspapers carelessly strewn on the coffee table or half eaten bags of potato chips lying around. This is extremely uncharacteristic behaviour as I am a slob at heart. Tidying up, to me, is as fun as having a root canal. So it was very disconcerting indeed.

Thankfully, I'm back to my normal, messy self now. This house, however, is turning our entire family into couch potatoes. We've never had cable before (I know, we're stone age) and since my mother-in-law watches Korean dramas, we subscribed to Starhub.

My conclusion is that cable is EVIIIIL. Why? Cos now, no matter whether it's 10 o'clock in the morning or 4.30 in the afternoon, there's always something interesting on. Either Nigella is cooking up something decadently delicious or the folks at CSI are wading through the mandatory 100 red herrings to solve yet another murder, neatly within 50 minutes. Whatever. It's incredibly addictive.

These photos show only Andre but truthfully, all of us spend an extended amount of time in front of the telly.

It's official - I live in the house of sloth. I'm praying that we will OD on food and forensics soon so we can get them out of our systems and get on with our lives.

But after the hustle and bustle in the last quarter of the year, it's kinda nice to just zone out. It's also the first Christmas in our new home and I've found that playing the Glee Christmas album while doing absolutely nothing makes me happy. (It's a very campy album but infectiously jolly).

We've only a few more days to the end of 2011 and we've been celebrating the season with family and friends. Family, friends, food and gifts - all enveloped in the warmth of love and home. There really isn't anything more one can wish for. Looking back at the momentous year we've had, I can only say I'm unspeakable grateful for the journey God has led us on and His tremendous, unbridled blessings.


Blessed Christmas to all of you, my dear friends.

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~Andy Rooney

Andre's belated birthday sleepover

Andre's birthday is in October and he wanted another sleepover like he did last year. However, since we were in the midst of moving house and a million other things, I told him he could have his party belated, after we'd returned from NZ.

So last Wed, a few of his friends came over for the first (and maybe last?) sleepover in our new home.

I really didn't have the time or energy to plan anything elaborate so I left them pretty much to their own devices. Pre-teen boys are actually reasonably easy to please. Eg, just plonk them in front of the tv and screen an action movie (Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull).

In case you're wondering, the pile of snacks was not provided by me, it was brought by a chip-o-holic boy whose mum generously catered enough for the whole group.

Of course, there's the computer. You can't pry boys away from pc games with a crowbar.

From experience, when you coop hyperactive boys indoors for too long, they start to go a little manic, so we brought them to the pool.

Not much swimming occurred, it was more a water brawl.

Dinner was simple fare al fresco - spaghetti and fried chicken wings. When I took this picture, one of the boys called out in alarm, "no, no, must delete the picture!" When I asked why, he replied, "If not, my mother will see that I ate too many chicken wings." LOL!

Cake time! My little boy is now 11 (well, for 2 months now).

I sent the boys to bed at 11pm, thinking that the chatting will continue for another hour. However, by midnight, we were still hearing laughter and loud thuds, prompting a tired Kenneth to ask me, "what on earth are they doing??"

We found out the next morning that at midnight, they decided it would be a good idea to stage a WWE match. Go figure! They finally fell asleep only at 1am but that didn't stop them from jumping up at the crack of dawn to play more computer games.

Kenneth was hoping to get a shot of them asleep but no chance. This was the scene that greeted him at 7am.

After breakfast, the boys made the most of the remaining time by having a game of table tennis and yet another dip in the pool.

You know the party was a success when the boys complain that their parents came to fetch them too soon.

I know it's very belated but I hope you had a very Happy Birthday, my dear kumara chip!

Aotearoa the Beautiful

I am back!!!! And exhausted. And have a million emails to reply to, clients to reconnect with, and of course, preparations for Christmas.

It's always a bummer to come home from holidays. Especially this one because we really enjoyed ourselves to the fullest. This holiday to New Zealand (Aotearoa is the Maori name) truly was an over-achiever - busted all expectations. I don't foresee being able to top this one, at least not for a long time.

So this short post is just to say I haven't forgotten about you, my dear readers, but I probably won't be posting here much for the next couple of weeks. Instead, I'll finishing up my holiday posts on the Travel Bug.

If you haven't been following my journey there, please do! NZ is a terrific destination for a family holiday, I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone.

Meanwhile, here are a few snapshots of the stunning country that is NZ.

Schools, national exams... and unconditional love

As academic year 2011 came to a close, we received good news: Andre managed to get 3rd in class!

For those of you who have been following my blog, you will probably understand why this is such a happy surprise for us. Academics has never been Andre's strength and this prize was all the more unexpected because we've been so busy moving house that I haven't been breathing down his throat as much for the final SA2. My friend Lilian pointed out that Andre seems to perform better when he's left to his own devices. Not sure if that's true but it certainly reduces the stress for both of us!

I'm unspeakably grateful for this prize, more so because I'm hoping it will motivate Andre to work harder next year - the dreaded PSLE year. I'm so not looking forward to it. If I could take a pill and fast forward time till after the exam, I would.

Recently, I ran into a friend, who's the father of Lesley-Anne's p6 classmate, Ryan. His younger son just finished the PSLE this year and he said it was probably the worst time in his life. Everyday leading up to the exam, the boy would bring home a thick wad of exam papers to be completed and both father and son would stare despairingly at the stack (father is expected to mark the papers - brings a sadistic twist to the phrase "partnering parents in education").

He said it was a nightmare, especially since his younger son is not half as motivated as his elder brother. In fact, he thought both Ryan and Lesley-Anne spoilt the market with their work ethic. As he was tearing his hair out, pleading with his second child, it dawned on him, "So THAT'S what PSLE preparation is really like!"

I sympathised with him and when he heard that Andre would be doing his PSLE next year, I'm sure he's sending sympathies my way.

We've all heard it before - the PSLE has become such a high stakes exam that the pressure to do well overwhelms everything else. No one can escape - the kids, the teachers, the parents. So intensive is the preparation for the PSLE that it leaves an indelible scar on everyone. I suspect part of the reason why IP schools are so popular is because we all remember vividly the horrors of the PSLE and want to avoid another national exam.

Ryan's dad told me that after the PSLE, he just had 2 goals for his son: to retain his self-esteem and love for learning. Coming from a school teacher, I appreciate the wisdom. It's so easy to lose both in our education system.

We were discussing how even some of the kids in the best schools, who are probably the top 2% of the cohort, still feel insecure about their own abilities. Eg, I've heard how kids from the Raffles schools feel inferior because they couldn't get into the Raffles Academy.

This is seriously screwed up. It seems like our education system constantly tells our kids that they're not good enough. I've said this before - some schools, particularly the branded ones, appear more interested in what the kids can do for the school, than vice versa. Consider this and ask yourself if this is what you really want for your child.

For a long time now, I've understood God's wisdom in giving me 2 kids with such contrasting abilities. If both my kids were intellectually gifted, I would never know what it's like to parent a child who can't always understand concepts immediately or remember things he'd just learnt. It's a lesson in humility - that our kids' giftedness is a blessing, not results of our own doing.

Please don't be mistaken, I know Andre is bright. But when you have another child who learns and absorbs ideas at the drop of a hat, it's easy to use that as a benchmark and forget that not everyone is the same.

I always take advice from parents with all gifted kids with a pinch of salt. I know they're well meaning but what works for gifted kids often doesn't work for regular kids. It's not just a simple case of reading more to improve their language, or teaching a certain method to improve their maths. It's a lot of repetition, a lot of simplification and a huge bucketload of patience - something I'm short of.

As Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

I don't quite agree with the everybody is a genius bit but I concur with the second sentence. Sometimes, I feel that Singapore and Singaporeans have such a narrow definition of success that anyone who can't climb a tree or climb it fast enough is made to feel stupid or inadequate.

Each child's needs are different - I can't emphasise this enough. I speak from experience (and mistakes) parenting 2 kids who are complete opposites of each other. While everyone else's kid may be aiming for the top 3 schools, yours may rejoice at getting into a tier 3 school.

What's important is not to let society or teachers or other parents bully you into thinking it's not ok. Because at the end of the day, some kids are fish. By constantly trying to teach them how to climb trees and scolding them for failing, we may be missing out on the fact that they are fantastic, natural-born swimmers.

I wonder about kids who say, "I must study hard so I don't let my parents down." I understand the sentiment but I think it smells of the implication that they are studying out of a sense of responsibility towards someone else and not because it is something valuable to be enjoyed. Are we a blessing to our kids or have we become a burden?

I don't know what I will be like next year. I keep telling myself that God has a place prepared somewhere for Andre, that I should not be overly kancheong. But I also know how easy it is to lose perspective when you're in the eye of the storm. If that happens, somebody nudge me, ok?

Even as we push our kids to achieve more, we need to show that we love them for who they are, not who we want them to be.

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." - Psalm 127:3

PS We will be going on our family vacation so I won't be blogging here during that time. I will, however, try to blog about my holiday at my travel blog so do check in there!

No more metal mouth

In the midst of moving, Lesley-Anne commented, "We're having so many highs, I'm too busy to feel excited anymore."

I knew exactly what she meant. These past couple of months, we have so much going on that we feel like we're in the eye of a tornado. Lesley-Anne, in particular, had a lot happening in her life. In addition to the family stuff, ie moving house and preparing for our upcoming holiday, she went through her year-end exams and rushed to embark on a three-day school trip to Malacca. So much so that another monumental event in her life became almost an afterthought... the removal of her braces!

Yes, folks. After 2 long years of enduring metal in her mouth, pain and inability to chew tough food, the braces came off last week! When I blogged about it 2 years ago, its removal seemed like a remote event far, far in the future.

She has to wear a plastic retainer for 6 months, but compared to wearing braces, she feels like a prisoner newly released from her metal cage.

I love looking at the lovely flash of perfectly straight pearly whites every time she smiles. Makes all the sacrifice worthwhile.