We interrupt this break with... a break

While I was on my blogging break, I took a little real world break with my family at Resorts World. Then armed with loads of photos and bursting with fabulous holiday memories, I thought, "what do I do with all these?" Blog about them, of course, irony of ironies.

So here I am, on my break from blogging, blogging. But since it's on my travel blog and not this one, it doesn't count, right? What an over-thinker's nightmare.

In short, I'll be writing a three-post installment on my brief staycation, the first one is up. And just to clarify, I'm still on my break. Meanwhile, you have something new to read if you're one of my fabulous fans (mwah!!) so everybody wins.

Enjoy the last weekend of the school holidays!

We'll be right back after this break

Lately, I've been experiencing a slight case of Blogger's Burnout. Coupled with my workload that has been piling up (hey, it pays the bills!), it's been challenging to keep churning out those posts. Especially when I don't get feedback, I've no idea if what I'm writing is even remotely interesting to my readers. I know, commitment to a blog for the long haul is high maintenance - for both sides!

So I'm going to take a short hiatus from blogging for a while, maybe a couple of weeks. To be honest, not having to think about my posts for a bit is somewhat of a relief.

Hopefully with this break, I'll return refreshed and more motivated. Meanwhile, let me leave you with this quip from my laugh-a-minute Andre:

"Tongue depressors are just ice-cream sticks that have been washed."

He probably figures doctors have the best jobs in the world, what with getting to eat ice cream everyday. Don't you just love the fairy land mindset of kids? See you soon.

Learning to give thanks

In Singapore, it's not uncommon to see kids decked out in the latest fashions, carrying the newest tech gadgets, eating in five-star restaurants and going on holidays every year. I say this without any disdain. It's an inevitable outcome of having more financially secure and able parents. I know how irritating it is to be with people who can't spare 50 cents without giving a sanctimonious lecture about how in their time, they had to walk 2km to school and save their bus money for books. It's not the kids' fault that their parents are better off economically and want to shower them with the good life.

Having said that, one of the fall-outs of having a lot is that we tend to take things for granted or worse, think we're entitled to it all. I'm sure we've all heard of kids who say they'll die if they don't get the new computer game or all their friends have a certain toy. The implication is that they "need" the item because it's the norm or it's their right to have it.

Where do we parents draw the line? I think there's a need for balance. Most of the time, such dramatic declarations are gross exaggerations but a friend's daughter once told her mum that she was the only kid in class without a handphone and guess what, it turned out to be true. In such an incident, if I were the parent and feel that a handphone is not a necessity but I didn't want my child to feel like the odd one out, I'd give it to her on her birthday. Or maybe let her earn it, like do extra chores or practise the piano everyday for a month, etc. Nothing very difficult but enough to bring home the message that nice-to-have's should be earned. However, if it's something against my values, I won't compromise. Even if the day comes when every child in Singapore has a PSP or Xbox, my kids are not getting one. (Too bad, Andre!)

Not every nice-to-have has to be earned, though. Sometimes I see something nice and I’ll get it for my kids even though they don’t need it. But when that happens, my kids are surprised and grateful because they know it’s an extra.

Few things irk me more than seeing ungrateful children. I've seen kids toss aside a gift without so much as a second glance, maybe a half-hearted "thanks" if nudged by their parents. I'm not saying they have to be grovelly and over-profusely grateful when they're given anything. I'm talking about the basic understanding and awareness that somebody wanted to make them happy. There should at least be the grace to muster up a little appreciation.

This may seem old-fashioned but Kenneth and I always attribute gifts to others. Eg if a relative passes us a gift for our kids, if they weren't present at the time of the giving, we'll consciously tell them who it's from and they usually follow up with a thank-you call. It appears long-winded but we feel it drives home the message that the gift didn't just drop from the sky into their laps, it came from someone who thought of them specifically. You'll be surprised at how this little gesture works. Even years after, Lesley-Anne can tell me who gave her which toy or t-shirt. It just makes each item more meaningful.

We live in a culture of excess and this creates ingratitude or maybe more accurately, indifference. In a society where extras have become entitlement and moderation considered as deprivation, it's more important than ever to learn how to give thanks in everything.

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!" - William Shakespeare (King Lear)

Get to the pointe!

I grew up reading Ballet Shoes and other dance books by Noel Streatfeild where her ballerina prodigees hanker after pointe shoes, and I always wondered what they were like. I imagine it must be like yearning to wear high heel shoes for the first time - no longer little girl gear but adult ones.

Pointe shoes signify your readiness into serious, "grown up" ballet. These are shoes which allow you to go en pointe (where the ballerina balances on her toes). Only girls after a certain age may wear pointe shoes as going en pointe too early can be disastrous for weak ankles.

Having passed her Grade 5 ballet (with merit!), Lesley-Anne moved on to Grade 6 in April this year, and a few weeks ago, came home with her very first pair of pointe shoes. I always thought there was a "block" inside the toe of the pointe shoe to make it rigid but I was surprised to find that it's not so. The toe portion of the shoe is just made of very stiff and unbendable material that is flattened to form a platform for the dancer to balance on. In fact, you can probably whack somebody senseless with it.

Wouldn't this be uncomfortable, you say? Well, that would be the understatement of the year. It's like wearing an extremely hard pair of new shoes except these won't get significantly softer when worn in. And you're supposed to balance your entire body weight on your little toes in these. The teacher has already warned the girls to expect bleeding toes and cracked feet.

Ouch. Talk about suffering for your art. Too bad they look so beautiful on the outside.

Going radio ga-ga

The other day, I walked into Andre's room to find him listening to the soundtrack of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine on an old stereo. It was almost disconcerting for a split second, to see a Gen Y kid so engrossed in last millennium music. But then, the Beatles are peerless, in my opinion, so if Andre wants to sing along to "All You Need is Love", that's quite alright by me.

My kids' tastes in music are influenced by mine, naturally, since they're exposed to what I play at home. What totally surprised me was when I recently discovered that Lesley-Anne was familiar with an entire repertoire of retro hits, from taking a school bus for six years with an "oldie but goodie" bus driver!

Apparently, he had a fixed playlist covering timeless gems like "Black and White" by Three Dog Night, "Eternal Flame" by the Bangles, Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" and Jennifer Rush's "The Power of Love", which the kids in his bus would listen to every morning on their way to school. I found it hysterical that this gruff bus driver was such a creature of habit that Lesley-Anne would associate a turn on one particular road with a specific verse from "Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)" by Edison Lighthouse. Music education on a school bus, who would've guessed?

When I was 18, I scrimped and saved to buy myself a Sony Walkman, so that I could have music to accompany me wherever I went. It was the coolest and most precious contraption I owned. I still have my cassette tape collection that I couldn't bring myself to throw, it's collecting dust at the back on the cupboard somewhere.

Kids nowadays have it much easier. Just download whatever you like onto your phone and voila! Mobile music. Lesley-Anne, being the typical teenager, does anything from homework and reading with earphones perpetually affixed to her ear canals.

Her playlist is a wide-ranging mix of pop, Christian, classical and soundtracks. You have the usual teenage arsenal of Avril Lavigne and Taylor Swift, but also Hillsongs, Les Miserables and Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite. Her favourite song for a period of time was "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah McLachlan, which was used in the movie Charlotte's Web. She loves the sentiment behind the lyrics, about everyday being a miracle.



Music is such an inextricable part of our lives. Certain songs will come to be linked with specific events, so that when we hear a song, it can instantly trigger emotions or flashback to one particular memory.

I'm curious to know what musical memories my kids will have when they grow up, will they be shaped by Lady Gaga and Kelly Clarkson or God forbid, the likes of Justin Bieber? *shudder* Will they treat Keane with the same reverence that this generation reserves for U2? Will bands like Abba and the Bee Gees be relegated to cold storage? All I can say is, thank God for school bus drivers.

"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes." - Bill Cosby

Starfighters and calamari commanders

I previously wrote about the Star Wars phase Andre is in. Well, somebody must have been praying very hard because one day, out of the blue, my cousin Benjamin popped by with one heck of a fantabulous present for him:

WOW!!! Colour me impressed and I'm not even a Star Wars fan. Looks like Christmas came early for Andre, his reaction was akin to someone telling him that his school had been transformed into Disneyland.

This set is a reproduction of the Rebel flagship from Return of the Jedi with 6 mini figures. It features loads of intricate details and moving parts, things that you can trust Lego to deliver.

This is the Mon Calamari command centre and briefing room with the Death Star "hologram".

And this is the repair hangar with a Green Squadron A-wing starfighter. The starfighter has a removable engine and launchable missiles.


The levers and gears are movable, even the command chair swivels. Have I already said how cool this set is?? I had to take a video just to show the movable parts.



Ben, if you're reading this, thank you again for the unbelievably generous gift. Andre is a very lucky boy and you're now officially his favourite uncle!

First semester report cards

This post is a summary of my kids' school results for the first half of 2010.

In Lesley-Anne's school, the SA1 takes into account daily work, pop quizzes and assignments on top of the written exam, so the kids had no "honeymoon" period, so to speak. Lesley-Anne's results are as follows:

English Language and Literature: A1 (double weightage)
Higher Chinese: B4
History and Geography: A1
Maths: A2
Science (Physics): A1

We're very pleased with the results as this was achieved during the period when she had to adjust to a new school, new subjects and a crazy CCA schedule (she comes home close to 7pm two to three times a week). Plus she had to prepare for both her piano and ballet exams in close succession.

Overall, she's juggling her schedule very well and enjoying her time in school. She seems to be handling maths much better than she did in primary school, missing A1 by only one mark. We knew Chinese would be more of a challenge for her since this is the first time she's taking HCL, so a B4 is a credible achievement. It's extremely comforting to see her making the transition to secondary school so smoothly.

Andre's results are a mixed bag. In the actual SA1 papers, his performance in English and Chinese were average, Science was surprisingly disastrous. It's not that he didn't know his work but the Singapore science test scripts tend to look for very specific answers with key words and from looking at the paper, it was quite obvious he hasn't quite grasped the technique. Only Maths saw a respectable performance.

Fortunately, the overall results took into account alternative modes of assessment done throughout the half year and these pulled Andre's grades up. Final grades: Band 1 for Maths, Band 2 for English, Chinese and Science.

It was like deja vu at the parent-teacher conference, the feedback was eerily similar to that of the past years'. He is capable of doing better if he pays attention in class. Socially, he has no problems. In fact, he may be TOO sociable. He kept talking in class despite the Chinese teacher changing his position several times, even next to girls. In the end, she had to make him sit alone. I think as long as there's a living thing next to Andre, he will chat it up.

If I'm being perfectly honest, I have to admit at being rather disheartened by Andre's results. It seems that each term, I do the pep talk, make him do all the necessary revisions, think he might be better prepared, but the results don't reflect the effort.

I've been through all the philosophical arguments. I call it the 3 'R's - rationalisation, resignation and resolution. Every kid has different abilities, boys mature later, he's just not exam-smart, etc etc. But when you run a race and keep tripping over stones despite your efforts, it gets harder and harder to convince yourself that the path will get smoother. Especially when you don't seem to be getting more adept at picking yourself up.

However, I have to believe that one of these days, it will happen. Admittedly, this faith is driven less by optimism and grit on my part than pure obstinacy. I've found that teachers are not always the most encouraging, neither are peers. If I, the parent, don't believe that Andre can, who will?

I don't know how many more times he will trip and fall, whether it will take another two laps or another 20 before he finds his footing. It sounds sappy, I know, but I will be there all the way, helping him up or cheering him on. He will make it eventually.

Psychology ala Calvin & Hobbes

I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am that the school holidays are here. This semester has really taken a toll on me, seems like I've been more stressed out over school work, CCA, teachers etc than usual. Maybe it's just a snowball effect.

I don't know who's happier that school is out, me or Andre! If there was a cartoon to depict the event, it would be both of us making a beeline to the school doorway, squishing each other comically at the exit in an attempt to be the first one out.

So here's a light-hearted anecdote to usher in the much needed holidays.

Andre: Mummy, do you love me?

Me: Of course.

Andre (flashing a cheeky grin): If you love me, you wouldn't scold me.

Me: I scold you because I love you.

Andre (protesting): That's not true! I don't like the girl sitting next to me and I'm always scolding her.

Me: No, that means you secretly luuuuuuuurrrrrvve her.

Andre: AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!


Lesson: Never try to out-guilt your mum.


Happy holidays!!

Getting into the heads of China kids

Almost every year when the PSLE results are released, you'll read in the papers about some kid from China who is among the top in the cohort. In fact, some of these kids came to Singapore with scant or no knowledge of English but within a few years, have managed to beat the crap out of local kids academically.

All sorts of theories have surfaced. Some say that the China kids are smarter. Others think it's the age advantage. You can't deny the fact that these kids are usually one or two years older than local kids - a huge difference at the elementary level.

While I agree that these could be contributing factors, I believe the main reason is that these China kids simply work harder. (See my earlier post on Gladwell's 10,000 hour rule). Recently, I spoke with a badminton coach originally from China. She's the guardian of her nephew who's in p5 this year. Everyday after school, he finishes his lunch and does his homework before sitting down to complete six different worksheets or assessment papers set by his grandma. After which he memorises 20 English phrases, checking the dictionary for words he doesn't understand. At the end of the week, he hands his grandma the list of 20 x 7 phrases and she tests him. He has to recite all of them, indicating the meaning of each of the words she calls out. He gets no breaks except for meals - his life evolves around his studies.

If that's the extent to which China kids work, then it's little surprise that they tend to do better than local kids. Some people immediately jump to the conclusion, "oh, Singapore kids are lazy" or "they're not as motivated". To me, that's as pointless and condescending as the some gahmen folks lecturing the later generations on how we take life in Singapore for granted because we didn't suffer during the war times.

Simply put, the circumstances and environment are different. Singaporean kids don't put in the same Herculean effort at their studies, not because they're inherently lazier but because our value systems are different and there is less at stake. There is nothing wrong with this, it's just the way it is.

As the coach told me, her nephew was sent here by his family so he could improve his prospects and his future compared to staying in his little hometown in China. The child is told this in no uncertain terms and is given a choice - he stays in Singapore and focuses only on his studies or he gets sent back to China. He chose to be here.

I joked with her, "you can send your kids back to China, where can I send mine?"

I realise this case may be a little extreme and certainly doesn't apply to ALL kids from China. But it's no exaggeration to say that for many China kids, the objective of coming to Singapore is simply to do well in school so that they can have the credentials to move ahead in society. Often, that's the sole reason for the entire family relocating here from China.

In contrast, for many Singaporean parents like myself, we decide that we want our kids to have a balanced lifestyle, to enjoy sports, to enjoy music and dance, heck, even to enjoy learning (which means we don't kill the interest by focusing only on acing exams). For most of the China folks, there's no such angst. Enjoy learning? Bah. They're just here for the tangibles.

Unfortunately, the Singapore education system is exam-centric and assesses students primarily based on their performance in these exams. And so the China kids do what is necessary - to them, it's not about the process, it's about the results. If they have to memorise model compositions or model answers to score in exams, they will do it. If our education system one day imposes the testing of Swahili in PSLE, make no mistake about it, the China kids will learn it (and ace it). Whatever it takes.

But this is not the life we want for our kids because to us, it's no life. For example, if I want Andre to ace his PSLE, what I have to do now is make him drop badminton, piano and remove all his play time. He just has to adopt the coach's nephew's formula and focus on studying during every waking hour. Will I do this? Of course not.

If that's the case, then we cannot begrudge the China kids who score superlative grades because they have fixed this as their life's goal. But neither do we need to be apologetic about our approach. If I believe that life is more than acing exams and give my kids the type of childhood I endorse, then I also need to accept the fact that the China kids will likely out-perform mine academically.

To use an analogy, when we compete in a race, we first acknowledge the terms for winning. But if we decide that our first priority is not bringing home the challenge trophy, that there are other aspects of the race that we value like sportsmanship or the process of racing, then we don't have a right to complain about not winning or about fellow racers who zero in on the winning at the expense of all else. By the same token, we shouldn't let others dictate to us that winning is everything.

Do I resent these China kids? Not at all. I admire their tenacity, their single-mindedness and dogged perseverance. But I also feel a little sorry for them (of course this is from my developed world, middle-class mindset) and I do not want my kids to live that life. That is my conscious decision and I will have to accept the outcome, whatever it may be.

Philly no bake cheesecake

My kids are crazy about cheesecake and years ago, I found this recipe online for a no bake cheesecake. What I love about it is that it's easy, no need for an oven - just assemble, freeze and tah-dah! Quite idiot-proof. Taste-wise, this is no slacker. It's 100 times better than the frozen Sara Lee versions you find in the supermarket. I've served it at parties and it's a real hit with both adults and kids.

The reason I haven't made this in a while is because it's a highly fattening dessert and a couple of my family members (ahem!) seriously don't need any top-ups in the sugar department. However, Andre has been bugging me to make this and since the exams are over, I thought it was time for a treat.

I sometimes alternate between a digestive base and an Oreo base. My kids prefer the Oreo base, the Oreo fans that they are, but Kenneth and I find that it overpowers the taste of the cheesecake. We prefer the original digestive base. Anyway, I'm listing the recipe for both versions - in case I wasn't clear enough, you're supposed to pick one, not do both!

Ingredients

Filling:

500g Philadephia cream cheese
100g sugar
125ml whipping cream
½ tsp vanilla essence

Digestive base:

200g digestive biscuits, crushed
80g butter, softened
2 tsp sugar

Oreo base:

200g Oreo cookies, crushed
40g butter, softened

Recipe

1. In a bowl, use fingers to mix together all ingredients for chosen base until finely crumbed.

2. Press down onto a 20cm pie pan to form a base. Place in refrigerator.

3. Beat cream cheese with sugar and vanilla essence.

4. Whip cream in another bowl, fold into cream cheese mixture.

5. Remove pan from refrigerator, spread mixture on top of base.

6. Cover with cling wrap, freeze for 3 hours.

7. Place in refrigerator 30 minutes before serving.


Tips:

• Philadephia cream cheese comes in two versions - tub and block. I've used both, there's no difference in taste. I usually use Philadephia Light as it's less fattening but you can use the regular option if you prefer


• I use a disposable aluminum tray instead of a pie pan, it works perfectly and is especially handy for parties.
  


• If you like a little tang in your cheesecake, add a tsp of lemon juice to the cream cheese mixture.


• You can also add strawberries or blueberries on top of your cheesecake to dress it up.